Yeah, it's been awhile.... Thanks for your comments and emails regarding me and what's going on. No, I haven't been in rehab or jail, I've just been trying to reevaluate life while plugging away at the same old thing. As much as I'm enjoying sleeping until 2pm and working until 3am, I'm getting burnt out. Ideally one not involving computers other than to type shit or maybe make spreadsheets. I don't want to fix them anymore. I don't wanna manage a network, I don't even want to deal with people using them. Actually, I really don't wanna know what I want to do...... I'd like to travel. I know, I know, people that have to do it for a living hate it. My mom does. Several of my regulars do.
I think that if I had a job in which travel was a regular thing, I'd be a little happier with life, mostly because I wouldn't be at home. Home is depressing. I try to be there are little as humanly possible. When I'm not working or sleeping, I have to be away from that place. The place that once was my greatest accomplishment, that I purchased on my own at 24, feels like an empty shell. It's not a home. Merely a place where I rest my head and wake up disappointed with life.
I don't know why I'm so down on everything.... I did this to myself, so I kind of deserve it. I shouldn't have quit my job, I shouldn't have moved a boy 750 miles to be with me because we were "in love". I know better. I KNOW BETTER. Now I'm stuck. He and I argue all the time, mostly about money and our lack of it. When it's good, it's good, when it's bad, it's awful. Thanks for those lyrics Eminem...
He threatens to leave all the time, but I don't think he will. The night before Thanksgiving it came to blows between the two of us and I threw all of his stuff out the front door and he still came back the next day. The police were going to take both of us to jail..... He says he loves me, I know this isn't love. Both my heart and my head are somewhere else completely. Unfortunately they're in a place that's probably about as volatile as the place I'm in right now, but I'm in a "grass is greener" mode..... I just don't know anymore.
What do I want? I want to be happy. I don't want to wake up with a knot in my stomach knowing that my bills aren't getting paid and that if I happen to cross paths with ANYONE in my house you have to act like you're walking on eggshells. If you asked me 10 years ago where I would be right now, I can surely tell you it wouldn't be working 40+ hours in a bar every week, yet still able to qualify for public assistance because people just aren't drinking like they used to.... Ok wait, rephrase that, they're still drinking, they just aren't tipping like they used to. They're squirreling that money into another beer or two. Ugh.
Apparently I need my resume rewritten. I've applied to a ton of jobs without a single call back. There's no way I'm not qualified for these jobs, I'm just not standing out enough I guess, because I'm even overqualified for a few of them and still nothing. I've got a few short term, and by short term I mean a couple days tops, jobs lined up for after the first of the year, but nothing that would lead to full time employment.
Other than that, I guess there's not much new around here. I'm heading to Pennsylvania this weekend for our Christmas over there. Yay, more money I have to put out.. I hope my kids understand that it's going to probably come down to the battle between Christmas presents and having electric this year, because that's probably what it's gonna be....
Since I'm at work bored out of my mind I'm hoping I get some time tonight to catch up on everyone's blogs. I mean what the hell is going on with everyone?? I know Linda Lou went off and got all married and stuff on me, but what's going on with all of you?? Time for me to see I suppose.....
Hey, It's Okay
1 day ago
6 comments:
I was wondering how long before regret would rear it's head. Seems like everyone who walks away from a job without a solid plan wishes they hadn't. I have no context for the boyfriend issue. Just don't feel too responsible. Nobody could "make" a guy move 750 miles. Now it's more of a need thing than a love thing. Sounds like how I ended up married about 100 years ago (actually just a little more than 20). You do have a lot in common with my friend Lisa. One foot ready for marriage and the other out the door and gone. Waiting for something to happen. From Hey Jude - "The only movement you need is on your shoulder". You just need to decide what you want.
so sorry that things don't seem to be going well right now. as far as the relationship goes, it sounds like it's just really tough right now and that's putting a strain on things between you two. Are there any temp agencies you could join? That could be a good way to find some temporary work that could convert to long-term?
Tara,
I'm sorry that you are going thru such tough times. You have had an unreal year, but you can turn it around. Someone suggested temping and I have to second that. You might get an offer to do something for half the money you were making, but you have to go into it with an open mind. Expose yourself to some new environments. I moved a lot when I was younger and would always take a temp job. One led to a job in fundraising for a hospital foundation, another time led to a job as a project coordinator for a civil engineering firm. Neither of these positions were anything I had heard of, much less trained for. But both were financially rewarding and contributed to my self worth. You just have to get out there :) Being Christmas makes it harder and I hope your boys understand you are doing what you can. In the short term kids think they need all of these things but long term, it is love and security that they really need. Hopefully you will find a way to create some wonderful memories for them without having to come up with a lot of money. You can do this, Tara. I really feel that things are going to turn around for you next year :)
Like others, I was going to suggest a temp or job placement agency. With your experience they should find something. I went the job placement route when I moved to Vegas since I had years of office experience. Sure, I started answering phones, but I quickly moved up. Now, I'm running three new start up companies. Or it may be a good time to get into something different. Apply for anything and everything. You never know what opportunity might come knocking. Hang in there!
Until you choose to be alone rather than with men who are bad for you, your problems will continue.
Its simple: Kick the bum out, don't let another bum in.
Do you still need a resume? If so, email me your current resume. I bet I can beef it up for you. You can pay me by buying me a beer next time you come to Vegas.
Post a Comment