This is my costume, but unfortunately I don't look as hot as this chick.....
Have a great weekend peeps :)
Friday, October 29, 2010
Here's Your Warning.......
Consider this your warning, the 2nd Annual T&T Toxic Twins Halloween Bash is tomorrow night. Full write up early next week with TONS of pictures of people being retarded as fuck. I still don't have a date, like everyone thinks I should. I like to call it "keeping my options open" because we never know who will show up at one of our parties.....
This is my costume, but unfortunately I don't look as hot as this chick.....
The other Tara is going as Amy Winehouse..... This should be interesting indeed.....
Have a great weekend peeps :)
This is my costume, but unfortunately I don't look as hot as this chick.....
Have a great weekend peeps :)
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Brain Tumors & Jewelry
Back in 2004 or so, my dad was diagnosed with a brain tumor. He had been having headaches and passing out whenever he ate for quite some time and never let anyone know because he was a "tough guy". Finally one day they found him unconscious behind his desk at work and he was taken to the hospital. When he woke up he found out he had a tumor roughly the size of a baseball in his brain. They needed to do surgery immediately.
My step-monster was actually visiting us in Ohio when she got the call that my dad had been put in the hospital. She made arrangements to get home as quickly as possible and see what was going on. The day after she got home she called us and told us that because of where the tumor was and how large it was, they were unsure if my dad would survive the surgery and that if we wanted to say good-bye to him we should come down to Florida immediately. I had very mixed emotions about what I would actually say to him if it was our last time to see him. I've written about it before, but needless to say, my dad and I have a spotty past. He was an alcoholic wife beater who didn't give a shit about his kids. For whatever reason, that afternoon, my mom purchased me and my sister Melissa plane tickets to Orlando and we were on our way.
We arrived in Orlando and met up with my other sister, Melinda, and got on our way to Ft. Myers. The three hour car ride was quiet, none of us having much to say about the whole thing. We arrived in Ft. Myers, met the step-monster and other assorted family members at the hospital. We saw him and he was acting pretty normal, but you could tell that everyone was on edge.
Over the next couple of days, we were to and from the hospital, while at the same time, trying to enjoy the fact that we were in Florida. I don't even remember where we were now, but I saw some of the most beautiful beads ever and decided that I wanted to make a bracelet out of them. It was an attempt to get my mind off the fact that I was supposed to say my good-bye to a man that I hated. Melissa and I made beautiful bracelets out of those beads in our hotel room that night. I was in love with the fact that I had created something so nice that I wanted to wear all the time. For a night I forgot about all the shitty things going on around me.
The next morning we all went to the hospital and took turns saying what needed to be said. It was my turn and I declined to see him. There was nothing that I could say to him to make the situation any better and if I said what I really felt and he died, I'd feel guilty about it forever, so I elected to say nothing. He was rolled into surgery and we left the hospital because it was an extremely complicated procedure that would take most of the day.
The long and the short of it was that he lived. Melissa felt bad for the shitty things she said to him, though none of us know if he actually remembers the things that she said to him. He's splitting his time these days between his house with the step-monster and an assisted living facility, depending on his health condition on any given day. She's a patient woman, but he's mean. Really mean. And he keeps having all sorts of medical problems stemming from the surgery and complications with them not getting the whole tumor the first time. I hear from my half sister updates on his condition every once in awhile and actually picked up the phone when he called on my birthday, but for the most part, it's been years since I've seen or talked to him at any great length. In my mind, it's what he deserves for the things he put my mom and us though all those years and I'm ok with it. I don't need to make peace with him.
The jewelry was my saving grace that weekend. My solace in a situation that I didn't want to deal with. When I got back home, I started shopping for beads and spending my evenings with everything laid out in my bed, picking and choosing what would make the most interesting necklaces or bracelets. I didn't drink, I didn't go out and party. I made jewelry. I could spend 2 hours on one necklace and be ok with it. I grew to be the personal jewelry designer for 10 different people. They bought clothes, I designed the jewelry to go with it. It was both profitable and satisfying to see my creations worn on some of my best friends, their families and the various others who by only word of mouth sought my work. I was happy.
All that changed when I got divorced. I didn't make the time to do the things that made me happy anymore. No more jewelry making, no more going to the gym, I wasn't even hanging out with my friends like I used to. I was pregnant and miserable. I stopped drinking while I was pregnant, because let's face it, I've got enough problems, I didn't need a child with fetal alcohol syndrome, but didn't do anything with my time. I was depressed and living with someone who hated me off and on.
After I had E, things didn't get any better. Actually, they got worse because I could drink again. Over the last 18 months, my life has been pretty much out of control, but you know what? I'm taking back control. I was bored last week so I pulled out my case full of beads and laid them all out, sorting them and taking inventory of what I had.
I still have a lot from back then. Once I posted this picture on Facebook I got several comments and inbox messages from people excited to see everything out and wondered when they could expect to see some new pieces. For the first time in ages, I knew that I needed to get back to being me. This is it. Sunday I made 6 necklaces. As soon as I got to work and people heard I had them, 4 of them sold right away and I got rid of the other two plus 4 pairs of earrings today.
I'm not trying to get rich doing this. In fact, I don't even price this stuff even remotely correctly. I sell necklaces for $15, bracelets for $7 and earrings for $3 regardless of what they're made with. I make jewelry because it makes me feel good, not because I'm under some illusion that I'm going to get rich and famous. It's fulfilling something that's been lost for a long time, something I really needed to get back to.......
My step-monster was actually visiting us in Ohio when she got the call that my dad had been put in the hospital. She made arrangements to get home as quickly as possible and see what was going on. The day after she got home she called us and told us that because of where the tumor was and how large it was, they were unsure if my dad would survive the surgery and that if we wanted to say good-bye to him we should come down to Florida immediately. I had very mixed emotions about what I would actually say to him if it was our last time to see him. I've written about it before, but needless to say, my dad and I have a spotty past. He was an alcoholic wife beater who didn't give a shit about his kids. For whatever reason, that afternoon, my mom purchased me and my sister Melissa plane tickets to Orlando and we were on our way.
We arrived in Orlando and met up with my other sister, Melinda, and got on our way to Ft. Myers. The three hour car ride was quiet, none of us having much to say about the whole thing. We arrived in Ft. Myers, met the step-monster and other assorted family members at the hospital. We saw him and he was acting pretty normal, but you could tell that everyone was on edge.
Over the next couple of days, we were to and from the hospital, while at the same time, trying to enjoy the fact that we were in Florida. I don't even remember where we were now, but I saw some of the most beautiful beads ever and decided that I wanted to make a bracelet out of them. It was an attempt to get my mind off the fact that I was supposed to say my good-bye to a man that I hated. Melissa and I made beautiful bracelets out of those beads in our hotel room that night. I was in love with the fact that I had created something so nice that I wanted to wear all the time. For a night I forgot about all the shitty things going on around me.
The next morning we all went to the hospital and took turns saying what needed to be said. It was my turn and I declined to see him. There was nothing that I could say to him to make the situation any better and if I said what I really felt and he died, I'd feel guilty about it forever, so I elected to say nothing. He was rolled into surgery and we left the hospital because it was an extremely complicated procedure that would take most of the day.
The long and the short of it was that he lived. Melissa felt bad for the shitty things she said to him, though none of us know if he actually remembers the things that she said to him. He's splitting his time these days between his house with the step-monster and an assisted living facility, depending on his health condition on any given day. She's a patient woman, but he's mean. Really mean. And he keeps having all sorts of medical problems stemming from the surgery and complications with them not getting the whole tumor the first time. I hear from my half sister updates on his condition every once in awhile and actually picked up the phone when he called on my birthday, but for the most part, it's been years since I've seen or talked to him at any great length. In my mind, it's what he deserves for the things he put my mom and us though all those years and I'm ok with it. I don't need to make peace with him.
The jewelry was my saving grace that weekend. My solace in a situation that I didn't want to deal with. When I got back home, I started shopping for beads and spending my evenings with everything laid out in my bed, picking and choosing what would make the most interesting necklaces or bracelets. I didn't drink, I didn't go out and party. I made jewelry. I could spend 2 hours on one necklace and be ok with it. I grew to be the personal jewelry designer for 10 different people. They bought clothes, I designed the jewelry to go with it. It was both profitable and satisfying to see my creations worn on some of my best friends, their families and the various others who by only word of mouth sought my work. I was happy.
All that changed when I got divorced. I didn't make the time to do the things that made me happy anymore. No more jewelry making, no more going to the gym, I wasn't even hanging out with my friends like I used to. I was pregnant and miserable. I stopped drinking while I was pregnant, because let's face it, I've got enough problems, I didn't need a child with fetal alcohol syndrome, but didn't do anything with my time. I was depressed and living with someone who hated me off and on.
After I had E, things didn't get any better. Actually, they got worse because I could drink again. Over the last 18 months, my life has been pretty much out of control, but you know what? I'm taking back control. I was bored last week so I pulled out my case full of beads and laid them all out, sorting them and taking inventory of what I had.
I still have a lot from back then. Once I posted this picture on Facebook I got several comments and inbox messages from people excited to see everything out and wondered when they could expect to see some new pieces. For the first time in ages, I knew that I needed to get back to being me. This is it. Sunday I made 6 necklaces. As soon as I got to work and people heard I had them, 4 of them sold right away and I got rid of the other two plus 4 pairs of earrings today.
I'm not trying to get rich doing this. In fact, I don't even price this stuff even remotely correctly. I sell necklaces for $15, bracelets for $7 and earrings for $3 regardless of what they're made with. I make jewelry because it makes me feel good, not because I'm under some illusion that I'm going to get rich and famous. It's fulfilling something that's been lost for a long time, something I really needed to get back to.......
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Randomness On Hump Day
I'm all over the place today.... Honestly I don't even know where to begin because my A.D.D is kickin full force.... Let's begin and see where it goes, shall we?
First, over on the T&T Toxic Twins blog I added a post including my "perfect" dating application. Yeah, it's a little retarded like me, but seriously, if I could get the honest answers to all of the questions BEFORE I started talking to a guy, I think I could find Mr. Right pretty easily.... Or at least weed out all of the Mr. I'mtoofuckeduptoeventalkto that I keep running into.
Over the weekend I picked up my friend Guy and we went out to BFE to a huge party thrown by my friend Bridget. City people riding horses, 4 wheelers, drinking Everclear and partying loud because there's nobody around to call the police.... Good times indeed. Here are some of the pics...
First, over on the T&T Toxic Twins blog I added a post including my "perfect" dating application. Yeah, it's a little retarded like me, but seriously, if I could get the honest answers to all of the questions BEFORE I started talking to a guy, I think I could find Mr. Right pretty easily.... Or at least weed out all of the Mr. I'mtoofuckeduptoeventalkto that I keep running into.
Over the weekend I picked up my friend Guy and we went out to BFE to a huge party thrown by my friend Bridget. City people riding horses, 4 wheelers, drinking Everclear and partying loud because there's nobody around to call the police.... Good times indeed. Here are some of the pics...
The first shots of the night
Tara & I being retarded... as usual
Mike's first s'more!! Who is 37 and has never had one!!
Me raising hell at 2am on the 4 wheeler
Tara & I on the horse
So yeah, as you can see, we were totally retarded.... It was really nice to get out of the city, even if for just a night of drunken debauchery. When I came home Sunday I was exhausted, but in a sense totally refreshed.
I guess last week I forgot to mention that I won a contest on the radio to go see Muse. It included limo transportation to & from the concert, $150 in gift certificates for dinner and 4 tickets to the concert. Now, I'm not a huge fan, but both of my sisters are, so I was excited to be able to take them. Turned out Melinda couldn't go, so I ended up taking my sister Melisssa, Nicole and Tara. We had an awesome time, even though Melissa dropped a pregnancy bomb at the beginning of the night. I'm happy for her, Little Lili needs a sibling. Here are some pics from that....
Tara, Nicole, Me, Melissa after the concert
Me taking pictures & being retarded in the limo
Tara cheesing with her $10 Appletini at dinner
Melissa & Nicole look more like sisters than Melissa & I
Me & my besties w/a well placed McDonalds cup
Me & sister
Tara getting it in the butt by Brutus Buckeye
Muse
Muse
Hmm, what else... Oh yeah, I said last post I'd put up a picture of how handsome Brandon looked at homecoming.... Ok, here ya go.... I'm on a roll with the pictures today!
OOps, that's the one with his eyes closed, but you get the point and I'm too lazy to upload another one...
I think that's about it for now, I really don't have a whole lot to say on the boy front right now. They're all being special-ed in their own ways, so I've been keeping to myself over the last few days. I'm sure that will change here soon because Brian, aka Mr. Right, was texting me last night and one of my favorites, Donnie (aka the one that I got busted out to blue eyes with) is in town for the rest of the week. We'll see what happens...
Happy Hump Day peeps!!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Your Love Is Like A Black Hole
Josh, aka "Me with a penis" is back at it again. I've told you about him many, many times over since he's been an off and on thing with me for the last 7 months. After all the shitty things we've done to each other, you'd think it would be easy to say "adios motherfucker" and be done with him. As a matter of fact, I think I've said that on multiple occasions, as Jay-Z's On To The Next One plays over and over in my mind. I've deleted his phone number out of my phone and erased most thoughts of him, including the good ones.
When I'm seeing someone else, I barely give him a second thought. Sure, I can no longer hear Eminem & Rihanna sing Love The Way You Lie without wanting to stab myself (because that song is soooo us), but I get along ok without him. But then it just so happens that whoever I'm seeing I'm not happy with or they dump me or whatever and my attention immediately turns back to him.
He is my addiction...... Actually, we're each others addiction. I can go a month without talking to him and it never fails that I'll get that drunk text in the middle of the night with something along the lines of "You know I love you and never should have let you go." or "You always did everything to make me a better person and look at me now." Quite honestly my drunk messages to him are usually more along the lines of "I'm drunk, wanna fuck?" Mostly because if I need sex, I know he's sure to be down with it.
Things changed with us last Friday. See, Thursday night while I was on my date, he was blowing up my phone wanting me to come party with him. I finally had to turn off my phone because it got so distracting. When I looked at my phone I had 10 text messages from him begging me to come and get him. I had 3 missed calls, but they had stopped around midnight. I assumed that he went home and passed out, so I didn't bother texting him back since it was late.
My phone starts ringing at 5am. I missed the first call since I had just gone to bed at 3, but it kept ringing and ringing. I finally find the phone and it's him. Why is he calling me at 5am? My first thought is that he's in jail, so of course I answer it. What I get is incoherent babble about how much he loves me and his life will never be complete without me, but I need to come and find him right now because he doesn't know where he is. What the hell is going on? This isn't drunk Josh, something else is going on. After 45 minutes I finally manage to get that he had been drinking since 5:30 on Thursday and decided that his life sucked so much he was going to go out and buy some coke because back when he was doing coke, he was happy and life was good. WHAT.THE.FUCK?
Josh has always been honest with me about his addictions. He told me about his past and his battles with cocaine. Given his personal problems and problems growing up I can't say I was surprised with that revelation. Me? I have an addictive enough personality, so I, for the most part, stay away from drugs. Cocaine? Has never even crossed my mind. I can't even put allergy nose spray in my nose, let alone snorting anything. I just can't even fathom doing it. Ewwwwww.
I had to get up and get ready for work, but Josh wanted me to come to his house, because he finally realized that he was home. I've missed enough work lately with sick kids and my own laziness, so I told him I couldn't come over. He cried and told me he needed me because I was the only one that cared. Fuck. I manage to get him off the phone, get the baby dressed and ready and I'm out the door to work.
By 9am Josh had called me 26 times, mostly to tell me the same things over and over. I tried to talk to him and tell him that everything was going to be ok. He wasn't buying it. Finally I made arrangements to take half a day off and go sit with him until he came down. I figured worst case scenario, I would drive him to the hospital or the local crisis center. I left work at 11 and hadn't heard a peep out of him in over an hour. I'll admit, I was scared pulling up to his house that I'd find him dead. His roommates were out of town, so if he did OD, there was nobody there to find him or even try to prevent it.
I had told him earlier to make sure the door was unlocked. It wasn't. It was open, but the storm door was still locked. I knocked and rang the bell, my stomach creeping up into my throat the longer time went on without him answering the door. Finally he staggered out of the hallway and told me to come in. I told him the door was locked and he didn't understand me. Locked motherfucker, locked. Oh yeah, he said, then finally let me in.
I don't think I've ever personally witnessed someone looking as bad as he did when I walked in. His eyes.... I can't even really explain it. They were bloodshot, but more than that. They were solid pink/red which made the green stand out more than usual. His whole face was red. There were marks from where his nose had been bleeding. In the first 10 minutes I was there, he was in the bathroom throwing up three different times. I surveyed the rest of the house. It was trashed.
While he was still in the bathroom, I laid down on the bed. I was tired from being out so late the night before. When he came in the room he asked me what I had to say about the whole thing. I told him nothing, that it was his life and he was going to live it how he wanted. He laid down in the bed and curled up with me promptly passing out. I was happy I didn't have to listen to any more details of his night and fell asleep too.
Two hours later he woke up looking a whole lot better and asking why I was there. I told him all the things he told me earlier and he jumped up out of bed freaking out about money. He remembered he came back to the house for money and took everything he had saved up out with him. Great, I thought. He took count of the money and realized that he had spent over $400 the night before. I thought he was going to cry. He had been saving that money for a new car since he had gotten his new job. "It's only money," he said after he thought about what had happened for a few minutes.
We spent the rest of the day laying around watching tv and dozing in and out of sleep. 4pm rolled around and I had to go pickup Little E, so I told him I'd see him later. Apparently in part of his out of his mind state he called his mother and told her everything. I felt bad he told her because she is ultra controlling of him and probably the reason he's as fucked up as he is. He had to go over to her house and stay that night because he was driving her to the airport for vacation in the morning. I knew she would tear him apart and she did.
I texted him later just to make sure everything was ok and that she didn't cart him off to rehab right then and there. She didn't, but I'm sure only because she was leaving for vacation. He told me that he was going to get help for his alcohol problem when she got back. WOW, that's gonna be tough. If people like us could handle things in moderation we wouldn't have the problems we do. Moderation isn't a word in our vocabulary. It's balls to the wall or nothing. I'm ok with nothing if I'm with the right company. Hell, before I met the ex-husband I didn't even keep alcohol in the house.
Saturday night I hadn't planned on doing anything. I was worn out from Friday and didn't wanna commit to anything. It was Brandon's first homecoming, so I had to be home to make sure he was ready and looking spiffy. I'll post a picture of how proud I was at how much he's grown up, but I don't think this is the appropriate post for all that.....
By 9 I was happy just sitting out on the deck chillin listening to music when my phone rang. It was Josh. He wanted me to come and hang out with him at the local watering hole. I wasn't having it because it was obvious that he was already drunk. I reminded him that I needed to stay home so that I could pick up Brandon at 11, so he asked me if I would come pick him up because he hadn't driven to the bar. I was reluctant because I didn't want to get into an "us" argument with him. Finally, I gave in and went and got him and brought him back to the house.
We sat out back and talked about us and how dysfunctional we are. I thought it was agreed upon that we could never be more than friends at this point because of how downright nasty we've been to each other in the last 7 months. By 10:30 he was passed out in bed and I sat there contemplating the whole thing while waiting to pickup Brandon.
How can I have such strong feelings for someone who makes me feel like such shit sometimes? I've never been a girl that lets ANYONE talk to her like he does to me. Maybe if he's not drinking he'll act right..... I didn't know what to think about the whole thing. In one part of my mind, I really like him, actually, I'm probably a little in love with him, but the other part of my mind says "HOLD THE FUCK UP, Tara you try to be a fixer of impossible to fix people, just stop this nonsense now!!" With the events of Friday still stuck in my head, I was thinking, for whatever reason, we can't give each other up. I need him as much as he needs me and maybe this is where I'm supposed to be to help him right now..... I went to bed confused and probably a little hurt over the whole thing.
Sunday morning I dropped him off at his car because I had to drive to Cincinnati for soccer. Since Sunday we've talked and texted pretty much all day every day. I haven't seen him since Sunday morning, but then again I've been busy. The plan tonight is that I'm hanging out with him and watching a movie. We'll see, but I do know this for sure, he's not going to bring me a half eaten burrito......
When I'm seeing someone else, I barely give him a second thought. Sure, I can no longer hear Eminem & Rihanna sing Love The Way You Lie without wanting to stab myself (because that song is soooo us), but I get along ok without him. But then it just so happens that whoever I'm seeing I'm not happy with or they dump me or whatever and my attention immediately turns back to him.
He is my addiction...... Actually, we're each others addiction. I can go a month without talking to him and it never fails that I'll get that drunk text in the middle of the night with something along the lines of "You know I love you and never should have let you go." or "You always did everything to make me a better person and look at me now." Quite honestly my drunk messages to him are usually more along the lines of "I'm drunk, wanna fuck?" Mostly because if I need sex, I know he's sure to be down with it.
Things changed with us last Friday. See, Thursday night while I was on my date, he was blowing up my phone wanting me to come party with him. I finally had to turn off my phone because it got so distracting. When I looked at my phone I had 10 text messages from him begging me to come and get him. I had 3 missed calls, but they had stopped around midnight. I assumed that he went home and passed out, so I didn't bother texting him back since it was late.
My phone starts ringing at 5am. I missed the first call since I had just gone to bed at 3, but it kept ringing and ringing. I finally find the phone and it's him. Why is he calling me at 5am? My first thought is that he's in jail, so of course I answer it. What I get is incoherent babble about how much he loves me and his life will never be complete without me, but I need to come and find him right now because he doesn't know where he is. What the hell is going on? This isn't drunk Josh, something else is going on. After 45 minutes I finally manage to get that he had been drinking since 5:30 on Thursday and decided that his life sucked so much he was going to go out and buy some coke because back when he was doing coke, he was happy and life was good. WHAT.THE.FUCK?
Josh has always been honest with me about his addictions. He told me about his past and his battles with cocaine. Given his personal problems and problems growing up I can't say I was surprised with that revelation. Me? I have an addictive enough personality, so I, for the most part, stay away from drugs. Cocaine? Has never even crossed my mind. I can't even put allergy nose spray in my nose, let alone snorting anything. I just can't even fathom doing it. Ewwwwww.
I had to get up and get ready for work, but Josh wanted me to come to his house, because he finally realized that he was home. I've missed enough work lately with sick kids and my own laziness, so I told him I couldn't come over. He cried and told me he needed me because I was the only one that cared. Fuck. I manage to get him off the phone, get the baby dressed and ready and I'm out the door to work.
By 9am Josh had called me 26 times, mostly to tell me the same things over and over. I tried to talk to him and tell him that everything was going to be ok. He wasn't buying it. Finally I made arrangements to take half a day off and go sit with him until he came down. I figured worst case scenario, I would drive him to the hospital or the local crisis center. I left work at 11 and hadn't heard a peep out of him in over an hour. I'll admit, I was scared pulling up to his house that I'd find him dead. His roommates were out of town, so if he did OD, there was nobody there to find him or even try to prevent it.
I had told him earlier to make sure the door was unlocked. It wasn't. It was open, but the storm door was still locked. I knocked and rang the bell, my stomach creeping up into my throat the longer time went on without him answering the door. Finally he staggered out of the hallway and told me to come in. I told him the door was locked and he didn't understand me. Locked motherfucker, locked. Oh yeah, he said, then finally let me in.
I don't think I've ever personally witnessed someone looking as bad as he did when I walked in. His eyes.... I can't even really explain it. They were bloodshot, but more than that. They were solid pink/red which made the green stand out more than usual. His whole face was red. There were marks from where his nose had been bleeding. In the first 10 minutes I was there, he was in the bathroom throwing up three different times. I surveyed the rest of the house. It was trashed.
While he was still in the bathroom, I laid down on the bed. I was tired from being out so late the night before. When he came in the room he asked me what I had to say about the whole thing. I told him nothing, that it was his life and he was going to live it how he wanted. He laid down in the bed and curled up with me promptly passing out. I was happy I didn't have to listen to any more details of his night and fell asleep too.
Two hours later he woke up looking a whole lot better and asking why I was there. I told him all the things he told me earlier and he jumped up out of bed freaking out about money. He remembered he came back to the house for money and took everything he had saved up out with him. Great, I thought. He took count of the money and realized that he had spent over $400 the night before. I thought he was going to cry. He had been saving that money for a new car since he had gotten his new job. "It's only money," he said after he thought about what had happened for a few minutes.
We spent the rest of the day laying around watching tv and dozing in and out of sleep. 4pm rolled around and I had to go pickup Little E, so I told him I'd see him later. Apparently in part of his out of his mind state he called his mother and told her everything. I felt bad he told her because she is ultra controlling of him and probably the reason he's as fucked up as he is. He had to go over to her house and stay that night because he was driving her to the airport for vacation in the morning. I knew she would tear him apart and she did.
I texted him later just to make sure everything was ok and that she didn't cart him off to rehab right then and there. She didn't, but I'm sure only because she was leaving for vacation. He told me that he was going to get help for his alcohol problem when she got back. WOW, that's gonna be tough. If people like us could handle things in moderation we wouldn't have the problems we do. Moderation isn't a word in our vocabulary. It's balls to the wall or nothing. I'm ok with nothing if I'm with the right company. Hell, before I met the ex-husband I didn't even keep alcohol in the house.
Saturday night I hadn't planned on doing anything. I was worn out from Friday and didn't wanna commit to anything. It was Brandon's first homecoming, so I had to be home to make sure he was ready and looking spiffy. I'll post a picture of how proud I was at how much he's grown up, but I don't think this is the appropriate post for all that.....
By 9 I was happy just sitting out on the deck chillin listening to music when my phone rang. It was Josh. He wanted me to come and hang out with him at the local watering hole. I wasn't having it because it was obvious that he was already drunk. I reminded him that I needed to stay home so that I could pick up Brandon at 11, so he asked me if I would come pick him up because he hadn't driven to the bar. I was reluctant because I didn't want to get into an "us" argument with him. Finally, I gave in and went and got him and brought him back to the house.
We sat out back and talked about us and how dysfunctional we are. I thought it was agreed upon that we could never be more than friends at this point because of how downright nasty we've been to each other in the last 7 months. By 10:30 he was passed out in bed and I sat there contemplating the whole thing while waiting to pickup Brandon.
How can I have such strong feelings for someone who makes me feel like such shit sometimes? I've never been a girl that lets ANYONE talk to her like he does to me. Maybe if he's not drinking he'll act right..... I didn't know what to think about the whole thing. In one part of my mind, I really like him, actually, I'm probably a little in love with him, but the other part of my mind says "HOLD THE FUCK UP, Tara you try to be a fixer of impossible to fix people, just stop this nonsense now!!" With the events of Friday still stuck in my head, I was thinking, for whatever reason, we can't give each other up. I need him as much as he needs me and maybe this is where I'm supposed to be to help him right now..... I went to bed confused and probably a little hurt over the whole thing.
Sunday morning I dropped him off at his car because I had to drive to Cincinnati for soccer. Since Sunday we've talked and texted pretty much all day every day. I haven't seen him since Sunday morning, but then again I've been busy. The plan tonight is that I'm hanging out with him and watching a movie. We'll see, but I do know this for sure, he's not going to bring me a half eaten burrito......
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Let's Catch Up For A Minute
Oh, where to start? Let's see, when we last left off, I was gonna be on the radio. HOT DAMN, that was fun. They only let us talk like the first 10 minutes on air, but just being there seeing all the behind the scenes stuff that goes on was more than enough to make my day. It didn't hurt that Chris Titus was there and we got to talk to him for a minute.
That weekend my friend Donovan invited me to the Funny Bone to see the Titus show. His girlfriend was the opening act and she was hilarious! We got our pictures taken with him afterward and he remembered me from Friday, which I thought was cool.
I look much better here because I didn't get up at 5am after a 2:30am bender......
What else? Oh yeah, I took everyone's advice and went out with Brian's friend last week. We went out for drinks Thursday night and had a really good time. He seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me, which is weird considering the company I've been keeping lately isn't about all that for sure........ I should be excited right? Well, I'm not.
He wanted to hang out again after Thursday and I had a really hard time fitting him into my schedule due to soccer and other mommy duties that I had going on. Finally we settled on him coming over to watch a movie after I got back into town on Sunday night. I'll admit, I was cranky about it. I had been driving back and forth to Cincinnati all weekend and I really just wanted to get something to eat and go to bed, but I kind of wanted to see him again, so i stuck it out.
The plan was that we would come over around 8 and bring me food since I was being lazy and he's a sweet boy. Like I said, that was the plan. He didn't show up at my house until a little after 9, which pissed me off more than a little. He comes in the house holding a Taco Bell bag and hands it to me. His exact words "Here, I got you a burrito. I hope you don't mind there are a few bites missing." WHAT.THE.FUCK? Who does that shit? I declined the burrito and after asking me several times if I was sure, he opened it up to eat it and I saw that apparently a few bites means HALF A FUCKING BURRITO. Ugh, seriously? Is this guy for real? I sat there in disbelief as he devoured the rest of the food.
Ok, I'm over it. Movie time. We pick one out of my collection and we're laying in my bed watching it. All the sudden he's right up against me rubbing on my arm. Umm, ok..... 5 minutes later, he was sleeping. Then he'd wake up like nothing happened. This continued through THE ENTIRE MOVIE. Finally when it was over, he asked if I wanted him to stay. I wanted to say GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE, but I didn't. I said I didn't care. 5 minutes later, I have 6 inches of my bed that I can lay on and he's snoring in my ear. I couldn't take it. I got up and slept on the couch.
In the morning, I woke him up and told him he needed to leave. ALL DAY LONG I get texts from him telling me what a good time he had and that he couldn't wait to hang out again. Seriously dude? You're never gonna see me again, besides maybe out on another dude's arm. Ugh.
Mission failure here people..... of epic proportions in fact.....
I did have a bright spot in my day yesterday. I got a phone call telling me I won a contest on the radio station for 4 Muse tickets, limo transportation and dinner. I thought that was pretty awesome. The concert is tonight, so expect some bomb ass pictures of me, both my sisters and Tara partying it up :)
Have a great Tuesday everyone!
That weekend my friend Donovan invited me to the Funny Bone to see the Titus show. His girlfriend was the opening act and she was hilarious! We got our pictures taken with him afterward and he remembered me from Friday, which I thought was cool.
I look much better here because I didn't get up at 5am after a 2:30am bender......
What else? Oh yeah, I took everyone's advice and went out with Brian's friend last week. We went out for drinks Thursday night and had a really good time. He seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me, which is weird considering the company I've been keeping lately isn't about all that for sure........ I should be excited right? Well, I'm not.
He wanted to hang out again after Thursday and I had a really hard time fitting him into my schedule due to soccer and other mommy duties that I had going on. Finally we settled on him coming over to watch a movie after I got back into town on Sunday night. I'll admit, I was cranky about it. I had been driving back and forth to Cincinnati all weekend and I really just wanted to get something to eat and go to bed, but I kind of wanted to see him again, so i stuck it out.
The plan was that we would come over around 8 and bring me food since I was being lazy and he's a sweet boy. Like I said, that was the plan. He didn't show up at my house until a little after 9, which pissed me off more than a little. He comes in the house holding a Taco Bell bag and hands it to me. His exact words "Here, I got you a burrito. I hope you don't mind there are a few bites missing." WHAT.THE.FUCK? Who does that shit? I declined the burrito and after asking me several times if I was sure, he opened it up to eat it and I saw that apparently a few bites means HALF A FUCKING BURRITO. Ugh, seriously? Is this guy for real? I sat there in disbelief as he devoured the rest of the food.
Ok, I'm over it. Movie time. We pick one out of my collection and we're laying in my bed watching it. All the sudden he's right up against me rubbing on my arm. Umm, ok..... 5 minutes later, he was sleeping. Then he'd wake up like nothing happened. This continued through THE ENTIRE MOVIE. Finally when it was over, he asked if I wanted him to stay. I wanted to say GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE, but I didn't. I said I didn't care. 5 minutes later, I have 6 inches of my bed that I can lay on and he's snoring in my ear. I couldn't take it. I got up and slept on the couch.
In the morning, I woke him up and told him he needed to leave. ALL DAY LONG I get texts from him telling me what a good time he had and that he couldn't wait to hang out again. Seriously dude? You're never gonna see me again, besides maybe out on another dude's arm. Ugh.
Mission failure here people..... of epic proportions in fact.....
I did have a bright spot in my day yesterday. I got a phone call telling me I won a contest on the radio station for 4 Muse tickets, limo transportation and dinner. I thought that was pretty awesome. The concert is tonight, so expect some bomb ass pictures of me, both my sisters and Tara partying it up :)
Have a great Tuesday everyone!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
QUICK! I need some opinions!!
I'll get to the radio station thing in a post later tody, but first, I need opinions with a quickness....
Ok, so I got a friend request a couple of weeks ago from one of Brian's (you know, Mr. Right, who really wasn't...) friends. I really didn't think much of it other than I'd only met him once. We have like 20 friends in common, so I was kind of curious as to why I didn't already know him. I accepted and did the appropriate amount of FB stalking, just to see what was up with him. He's cute, but not Brian cute.
I frequently post song lyrics that pop into my head on FB. When I'm drunk it happens more frequently. Apparently Friday night I posted "I could use somebody" probably thinking Kings of Leon because at the time I posted it everyone I was with was there with a significant other. That bothers me.
I really didn't think anything of it and deleted most of my stupid comments from that night, but noticed that I had an inbox message from Jason. It said "aww babe, everyone could use somebody. What happened with you and Brian?" Umm ok, they work together, so I figured Jason probably knew what happened. Either he was seeing if I was gonna lie or he truly didn't know. I told him why and he said he wasn't sorry to hear it was over and that he'd been attracted to me from the time we met. Wow, ok then. We've been texting over the last couple of days and he wants me to go out with him....
Acceptable or not? I mean the whole Brian and I thing only lasted like 2 weeks, so it wasn't like long term or anything, but I've never tried to date anyone's friends. Fuck them? Yeah sure, I have no conscience when it comes to things like that, but this guy is actually kind of nice and I want to actually get to know him.....
Advice, opinions, people that want to talk shit???? Let's hear it.....
Ok, so I got a friend request a couple of weeks ago from one of Brian's (you know, Mr. Right, who really wasn't...) friends. I really didn't think much of it other than I'd only met him once. We have like 20 friends in common, so I was kind of curious as to why I didn't already know him. I accepted and did the appropriate amount of FB stalking, just to see what was up with him. He's cute, but not Brian cute.
I frequently post song lyrics that pop into my head on FB. When I'm drunk it happens more frequently. Apparently Friday night I posted "I could use somebody" probably thinking Kings of Leon because at the time I posted it everyone I was with was there with a significant other. That bothers me.
I really didn't think anything of it and deleted most of my stupid comments from that night, but noticed that I had an inbox message from Jason. It said "aww babe, everyone could use somebody. What happened with you and Brian?" Umm ok, they work together, so I figured Jason probably knew what happened. Either he was seeing if I was gonna lie or he truly didn't know. I told him why and he said he wasn't sorry to hear it was over and that he'd been attracted to me from the time we met. Wow, ok then. We've been texting over the last couple of days and he wants me to go out with him....
Acceptable or not? I mean the whole Brian and I thing only lasted like 2 weeks, so it wasn't like long term or anything, but I've never tried to date anyone's friends. Fuck them? Yeah sure, I have no conscience when it comes to things like that, but this guy is actually kind of nice and I want to actually get to know him.....
Advice, opinions, people that want to talk shit???? Let's hear it.....
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