Well, I was preparing a pretty amusing post yesterday to post today, but life as gotten in the way and I need to spill my guts.
It seems my family and apparently some of my friends think that I'm an awful person, parent, etc. and things got a little out of control last night. I can't help it that they don't agree with what's going on in my life. They would like me to be absolutely fucking alone and miserable. Really? After all that I've been through, is that what I deserve?
Hell no, it's not! I deserve to do whatever makes me happy. I'm 31 and have been through more shit than most people see in their lifetime. You know what though? I'm a far better person because of all of it. Yes, I make bad decisions sometimes. EVERYONE does. You don't agree with how I live my life? It's simple... Don't be a part of it. I'll never amount to whatever ridiculously high standards my mother has for me. Believe me, I know this and she's made it abundantly clear on numerous occasions.
The problem with all this being said about me is that it's a pretty simple example of the pot calling the kettle black.
Example #1-Getting pregnant at a VERY young age. Well mom, how old were you when you had your first kid? Oh yeah, one year older than I was.
Example #2-You party too much. No sister, I don't really. Let's break it down. When was the last time I went out? Hmm....let me think.....wow, I was still about 7 months pregnant and was the DD for all my friends. When was the last time you partied sis?? Oh yeah, that's right, Saturday you were too hungover to take care of your kid.... Yes, I have people over at my house a lot. This is because I have a small child and no babysitter. People come to me because I can't be out with them. The two older kids are out running around with their friends, and the little one is in bed usually before anyone even gets to the house.
Example #3-You don't take care of your kids. Really? My kids have everything they need. A nice place to live, they go to good schools, there's always food in my fridge, they wear freaking HOLLISTER clothing, have cable tv in both of their rooms, all the video game systems and the list goes on and on. Can I help it that my house doesn't have air conditioning? Uhh no, not unless someone wants to pay to have my entire electrical system rewired and central air put in. Of course the baby is sometimes sweaty when he wakes up. HELL, I'm sweaty most summer days when I wake up. Go ahead mom and sister, keep telling me I don't take care of my kids. Especially you sister, who leaves your kid with mom or her other grandparents AT THE MINIMUM of once a week, usually more. Sister, you also have a husband to leave her with! What the fuck ever. This one I could go on and on about...
Example #4- It's disgusting that you're seeing someone 11 years younger than you. Again, really? Why is it ok for dad to marry mom who was 10 years younger than him at pretty much the same age I've got going on right now? Sure, it's a little weird, but I don't think about the age thing. I think about him. I like him. We have a good time together. Is it long term? Probably not, but it's comfort right now. Anyone that knows me well knows that long term isn't what works for me. This is what works for me right now and as soon as he texted me last night and found out how crappy my evening was, he was right there for me to cry on. For the love of God, he works on a boat for 28 days at a time, it's not like I see him all that much!
Example #5- You have a drug and alcohol problem.... No, I do not, but thanks for labeling me with both. A LONG time ago, when you should have been paying attention to what I was doing, mom, I had a drug problem. Mom, aybe you should look at your husbands, present and past for drug and alcohol problems. Sister, your husband smokes and drinks all the time. Any time I go up to your bar and he's there I can be guaranteed to see him trashed or smoking behind the dumpster. I've smoked pot once recently, that's it. Woo fucking hoo. Sister, my alcohol problem is only as big as you're making it. Yes, I am a social drinker and I do it several times a week. Who just told me that they puked their guts out on Saturday because of their Friday night bender? Oh yeah, that's right, you did. I can't tell you the last time I puked or blacked out because I don't drink to get fucked up beyond all means. Consider this, maybe I drink because you people are such assholes....
See what I mean? I'm not half as fucked up as the other people in my life, but all the sudden it's me that's got the problems, not them. Whatever. Sorry for the downer of a post, as soon as I tell all these people that they are the ones who are fucked up and to leave me the hell alone, I'll feel better and post something happier :)
Have a good day!
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
The Kid Turns 13 & Other Stuff
So, my oldest son Brandon turned 13 on Monday. Typically he's a low maintenance kid, unlike the other two in my house. This year for his birthday, not so much. He was hell bent that he was going to take 5 of his friends to Cedar Point to celebrate. Because 13 is a BIG deal. Ok, first problem with this idea, I don't think the kid has 5 friends, so I'm not sure if he pulled the number 5 out of his butt or what. Second problem? Hmmmm, let me calculate that in my head. 6 kids, plus me and the middle kid at $29.99 a person, food, drinks, etc. That's at the minimum a $350 day, especially with teenage boys. Let's not forget the 3rd and biggest problem, I drive a Chrysler Sebring that fits 5 people uncomfortably.... Oh yeah, and I hate OPK. Do ya know what an OPK is? Other People's Kids. I'll be real honest, I can't stand children. Yes, yes, I know, I have 3 of my own and there are lots of days that I don't even like them. I never wanted kids, but hey, sometimes life is a series of unfortunate sexual events as my best friend Tara likes to say. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, but had they been "planned" they would have never been born.
Gavin is pretending to sleep. Actually, he did fall asleep for a little bit that day. He was beside himself with anticipation of soccer season starting on Monday and wanted to rest up. Gavin plays for an elite club in town and we've been on break for 3 weeks. He gets a total of 5 weeks off per year, this past three weeks and two around Christmas. He gets twitchy when he's not playing soccer.
Both of my boys have ADHD (thank you for that part of your gene pool sperm donors) and in the beginning of April we made the decision that they could try out going off of their meds. They hate taking them. Gavin says he's not fun when he's on them. They've both been on meds since they were 5 and now are 13 and about to be 12. Their doctor and I were willing to let them try it with the condition that if there were issues, they would go back on the meds with no questions asked.
For the most part, they're doing well. Gavin has a lot more issues than Brandon (worse gene pool I suppose), but I've noticed that his rotation of weirdness has changed. It used to be biting fingers till they bleed, tucking shirts obsessively and licking his lips until he looks like Ronald McDonald, in that order. Each tick would last a couple of weeks and then would repeat once he got through the three things. Oh yeah and when it storms, he would hide in the closet, positive that at any moment a tornado was going to come through and sweep up the entire house, Wizard of Oz style. Off the meds, he has stopped all three of the rituals and storms still scare him, but he doesn't have to hide in a closet. The downside to all this? He is SOOOO much meaner. Like I said earlier, he's my mini me. I'm mean, I'll admit it. I'm the bitch that's gonna tell you exactly what I think, whether it pisses you off or not. The downside of him being my mini me is that he knows exactly how to push my buttons. It kills me. Sometimes I wanna smack the crap out of him, but hey, that's child abuse in this day and age, right? We get through it ok though.
Brandon, well I haven't seen a whole lot of change in him. He's my passive one. He's the kid that wants to please everyone. He works hard, gets good grades and is generally a great kid. You ask him to do something, he does it. You just have to make sure to spell out exactly what you want or he'll forget steps and it won't be right. That's where his ADHD gets him. I'll take that any day over asking Gavin to do something and having him say ok, then basically give me the finger when I turn around and walk away. I know he does it, I just can't turn around quick enough to catch him and shove that middle finger up his damn butt!
Anyways, soccer started on Monday. Gavin hates conditioning. They had to run two miles, one of which had to be under 8 minutes, then do two full sets of bleacher steps. One side effect of being off the meds is weight gain. Hell, Adderall is used as a weight loss drug in obese people, it's a controlled substance, speed people. Gavin's probably gained 10 pounds since April. Needless to say, he was NOT happy when he got done Monday night. Yesterday morning I got a text that said "mom, i'm in bed and cant move wht shld i do?". I laughed at first, but then called him and told him to get a hot shower and stretch, then take some Advil. 20 minutes later I get another text and it says "mom got dizzy and puked in shower how 2 clean up?" Seriously? WTF?? So I called again and confirmed it was indeed in the shower and not all over the bathroom. It was just in the shower, great buddy, I'll come home at lunch and take care of it.
I go home at lunch and where is Gavin? Not resting like he should be, he's outside playing in 85 degree heat with 100% humidity. WTF? I told him to get in the house and he didn't understand what the issue was because, according to him, he was drinking water and rehydrating. Well buddy, I got news for ya, if you're well enough to be playing outside, you're well enough to be doing your chores and cleaning up your puke. That sure pissed him off. Oh well....
My parents had all three kids last night. The two big ones stayed the night and I didn't have to pick the little one up until 9. What a nice little break! It doesn't happen very often being a single parent with kids who's dads have no part in their lives. That's a story for another time I guess. I took advantage and hit the gym and tanning after work. Once I got home, I was content with just sitting on my ass and doing nothing, knowing full well I should be mowing the lawn or folding laundry. Oh well, it'll get done eventually. Peace and quiet are hard to come by in my house.....
Later in the evening, older boys came over and we had an interesting discussion. I'll probably post that tomorrow. Let's just leave it at cougars and pumas......
Happy Hump Day!
Anyways, Brandon and I reached a compromise. He could take 1 friend to Zoombezi Bay, our local water park. I haven't been anywhere this summer, so I was cool with it. I asked my sister and her daughter to go with us, just so I'd have another adult around for the day. I'll spare you the details, but I ended up paying an extra $75 to rent a cabana and it was awesome. Below is a picture of Brandon, Gavin (my middle child and mini me) and Brandon's friend Dustin.
Gavin is pretending to sleep. Actually, he did fall asleep for a little bit that day. He was beside himself with anticipation of soccer season starting on Monday and wanted to rest up. Gavin plays for an elite club in town and we've been on break for 3 weeks. He gets a total of 5 weeks off per year, this past three weeks and two around Christmas. He gets twitchy when he's not playing soccer.
Both of my boys have ADHD (thank you for that part of your gene pool sperm donors) and in the beginning of April we made the decision that they could try out going off of their meds. They hate taking them. Gavin says he's not fun when he's on them. They've both been on meds since they were 5 and now are 13 and about to be 12. Their doctor and I were willing to let them try it with the condition that if there were issues, they would go back on the meds with no questions asked.
For the most part, they're doing well. Gavin has a lot more issues than Brandon (worse gene pool I suppose), but I've noticed that his rotation of weirdness has changed. It used to be biting fingers till they bleed, tucking shirts obsessively and licking his lips until he looks like Ronald McDonald, in that order. Each tick would last a couple of weeks and then would repeat once he got through the three things. Oh yeah and when it storms, he would hide in the closet, positive that at any moment a tornado was going to come through and sweep up the entire house, Wizard of Oz style. Off the meds, he has stopped all three of the rituals and storms still scare him, but he doesn't have to hide in a closet. The downside to all this? He is SOOOO much meaner. Like I said earlier, he's my mini me. I'm mean, I'll admit it. I'm the bitch that's gonna tell you exactly what I think, whether it pisses you off or not. The downside of him being my mini me is that he knows exactly how to push my buttons. It kills me. Sometimes I wanna smack the crap out of him, but hey, that's child abuse in this day and age, right? We get through it ok though.
Brandon, well I haven't seen a whole lot of change in him. He's my passive one. He's the kid that wants to please everyone. He works hard, gets good grades and is generally a great kid. You ask him to do something, he does it. You just have to make sure to spell out exactly what you want or he'll forget steps and it won't be right. That's where his ADHD gets him. I'll take that any day over asking Gavin to do something and having him say ok, then basically give me the finger when I turn around and walk away. I know he does it, I just can't turn around quick enough to catch him and shove that middle finger up his damn butt!
Anyways, soccer started on Monday. Gavin hates conditioning. They had to run two miles, one of which had to be under 8 minutes, then do two full sets of bleacher steps. One side effect of being off the meds is weight gain. Hell, Adderall is used as a weight loss drug in obese people, it's a controlled substance, speed people. Gavin's probably gained 10 pounds since April. Needless to say, he was NOT happy when he got done Monday night. Yesterday morning I got a text that said "mom, i'm in bed and cant move wht shld i do?". I laughed at first, but then called him and told him to get a hot shower and stretch, then take some Advil. 20 minutes later I get another text and it says "mom got dizzy and puked in shower how 2 clean up?" Seriously? WTF?? So I called again and confirmed it was indeed in the shower and not all over the bathroom. It was just in the shower, great buddy, I'll come home at lunch and take care of it.
I go home at lunch and where is Gavin? Not resting like he should be, he's outside playing in 85 degree heat with 100% humidity. WTF? I told him to get in the house and he didn't understand what the issue was because, according to him, he was drinking water and rehydrating. Well buddy, I got news for ya, if you're well enough to be playing outside, you're well enough to be doing your chores and cleaning up your puke. That sure pissed him off. Oh well....
My parents had all three kids last night. The two big ones stayed the night and I didn't have to pick the little one up until 9. What a nice little break! It doesn't happen very often being a single parent with kids who's dads have no part in their lives. That's a story for another time I guess. I took advantage and hit the gym and tanning after work. Once I got home, I was content with just sitting on my ass and doing nothing, knowing full well I should be mowing the lawn or folding laundry. Oh well, it'll get done eventually. Peace and quiet are hard to come by in my house.....
Later in the evening, older boys came over and we had an interesting discussion. I'll probably post that tomorrow. Let's just leave it at cougars and pumas......
Happy Hump Day!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Music - Part 1
I would call myself pretty well musically rounded. I grew up in a house where MTV was constantly on, back in the good old days when MTV actually played music. My sisters and I would dance around the house or make up dances to songs on the TV and then insist my mom watch us perform it a hundred times. That poor woman.....I am a white girl with no rhythm. Yet she put up with it and usually danced with us too. Thank God all of those video tapes somehow disappeared a long time ago!
Anyways, my iPod is the most random mess that you've ever seen. One minute you're listening to Johnny Cash only to be replaced by Eminem which fades into Nine Inch Nails or Madonna. The boy was at my house last night and we were going through the songs on the iPod and he was laughing at my musical selections. He'd find something from..Oh, I don't know...we'll say Bone Thugs N Harmony and ask what the hell it was. I'm like DUDE that was the shit back in the day, I was bumping that in my '89 Carolla with the 12" speakers in high school. Then I would remember exactly how young this particular boy is and be slightly embarassed because technically I'm old to him. Not quite cougar status, but definately a puma. LOL score 1 for the older chicks... Anyhow, back to the music.
Music to me is just soooo powerful. When you actually take a minute to think about the words and what they mean, damn. Don't get me wrong, Eminem talking about killin his baby mama isn't exactly deep shit, but I can relate to it and let me tell ya what, it makes for a hell of a workout mix being as hateful as it is. Below I've listed some of my favorites, because yes, I know pretty much every word to all of the 800 songs on my iPod. I'm not saying they're deep or anything, sometimes just amusing, but I like them.
(Eve-Love is Blind)
I mean shit he bought you things and gave you diamond rings
But them things wasn't worth none of the pain that he brings
And you stayed, what made you fall for him?
That nigga had the power to make you crawl for him
I thought you was a doctor be on call for him
Smacked you down cause he said you was too tall for him, huh?
That wasn't love, baby girl you was dreamin'….
(Guns N Roses-Dead Horse)
In this great future you can't forget your past
So dry your tears I say
Sick of this life
Not that you'd care
I'm not the only one withwhom these feelings I share
Nobody understands,quite why we're here
We're searchin' for answers
That never appear
(Offspring-Hit That)
The winds of fortune
Don't blow the same
She had to get out
And make a change
She had a kid now
But much too young
That baby daddy's out having fun
(Poison- Life Goes On)
When my mind plays these tricks on me
It shows me things I don't want to see
That's why I tell myself
I keep telling myself
Just take another piece of me
(TLC-Unpretty)
Never insecure until I met you
Now I’m bein’ stupid
I used to be so cute to me
Just a little bit skinny
Why do I look to all these things
To keep you happy
Maybe I’ll get rid of you
And then I’ll get back to me..
(Gin Blossoms-Hey Jealousy)
Tell me do you think it’d be alright
If I just crashed here tonight
You can see I’m in no shape for driving
And anyways I’ve got no place to go
And you know it might not be that bad
You were the best I’d ever had
If I hadn’t blown the whole thing years ago
I might not be alone
(Meredith Brooks-Bitch)
So take me as I am
This may mean you’ll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous
And I’m going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won’t mean a thing
(Fiona Apple-Criminal)
I’ve been a bad, bad girl
I’ve been careless with a delicate man
And it’s a sad, sad world
When a girl will break a boy just because she can
(2Pac- Keep Ya Head Up)
To all the ladies havin babies on they own
I know it’s kinda rough and you’re feelin all alone
Daddy’s long gone and he left you by ya lonesome
Thank the Lord for my kids, even if nobody else want em
Cause I think we can make it in fact, I’m sure
And if you fall, stand tall and come back for more
Cause ain’t nothing worse than when your son wants to know
Why his daddy don’t love him no more….
(Candle Box-Far Behind)
Now maybe
I didn’t mean to treat you bad
But I did it anyway
And now maybe
Some would say your life was sad
But you lived it anyway
And so maybe
Your friends they stand around
They watch you crumble
As you fall to the ground
That's it for today. I have lots more, that's why I titled this part one. Have a great day!!
Anyways, my iPod is the most random mess that you've ever seen. One minute you're listening to Johnny Cash only to be replaced by Eminem which fades into Nine Inch Nails or Madonna. The boy was at my house last night and we were going through the songs on the iPod and he was laughing at my musical selections. He'd find something from..Oh, I don't know...we'll say Bone Thugs N Harmony and ask what the hell it was. I'm like DUDE that was the shit back in the day, I was bumping that in my '89 Carolla with the 12" speakers in high school. Then I would remember exactly how young this particular boy is and be slightly embarassed because technically I'm old to him. Not quite cougar status, but definately a puma. LOL score 1 for the older chicks... Anyhow, back to the music.
Music to me is just soooo powerful. When you actually take a minute to think about the words and what they mean, damn. Don't get me wrong, Eminem talking about killin his baby mama isn't exactly deep shit, but I can relate to it and let me tell ya what, it makes for a hell of a workout mix being as hateful as it is. Below I've listed some of my favorites, because yes, I know pretty much every word to all of the 800 songs on my iPod. I'm not saying they're deep or anything, sometimes just amusing, but I like them.
(Eve-Love is Blind)
I mean shit he bought you things and gave you diamond rings
But them things wasn't worth none of the pain that he brings
And you stayed, what made you fall for him?
That nigga had the power to make you crawl for him
I thought you was a doctor be on call for him
Smacked you down cause he said you was too tall for him, huh?
That wasn't love, baby girl you was dreamin'….
(Guns N Roses-Dead Horse)
In this great future you can't forget your past
So dry your tears I say
Sick of this life
Not that you'd care
I'm not the only one withwhom these feelings I share
Nobody understands,quite why we're here
We're searchin' for answers
That never appear
(Offspring-Hit That)
The winds of fortune
Don't blow the same
She had to get out
And make a change
She had a kid now
But much too young
That baby daddy's out having fun
(Poison- Life Goes On)
When my mind plays these tricks on me
It shows me things I don't want to see
That's why I tell myself
I keep telling myself
Just take another piece of me
(TLC-Unpretty)
Never insecure until I met you
Now I’m bein’ stupid
I used to be so cute to me
Just a little bit skinny
Why do I look to all these things
To keep you happy
Maybe I’ll get rid of you
And then I’ll get back to me..
(Gin Blossoms-Hey Jealousy)
Tell me do you think it’d be alright
If I just crashed here tonight
You can see I’m in no shape for driving
And anyways I’ve got no place to go
And you know it might not be that bad
You were the best I’d ever had
If I hadn’t blown the whole thing years ago
I might not be alone
(Meredith Brooks-Bitch)
So take me as I am
This may mean you’ll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous
And I’m going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won’t mean a thing
(Fiona Apple-Criminal)
I’ve been a bad, bad girl
I’ve been careless with a delicate man
And it’s a sad, sad world
When a girl will break a boy just because she can
(2Pac- Keep Ya Head Up)
To all the ladies havin babies on they own
I know it’s kinda rough and you’re feelin all alone
Daddy’s long gone and he left you by ya lonesome
Thank the Lord for my kids, even if nobody else want em
Cause I think we can make it in fact, I’m sure
And if you fall, stand tall and come back for more
Cause ain’t nothing worse than when your son wants to know
Why his daddy don’t love him no more….
(Candle Box-Far Behind)
Now maybe
I didn’t mean to treat you bad
But I did it anyway
And now maybe
Some would say your life was sad
But you lived it anyway
And so maybe
Your friends they stand around
They watch you crumble
As you fall to the ground
That's it for today. I have lots more, that's why I titled this part one. Have a great day!!
Monday, July 20, 2009
Random Post #2....The Weekend
Wow, another week has come and gone. This summer is really going by quickly. Every weekend I'm either hosting or attending at least one party it seems. Usually I have Fridays off as this whole budget cutting plan slowly works its way through the company. This of course means that the weekend gets under way on Thursday night. Drinking like a fish all weekend long is catching up with me. I'm finally realizing that I'm not 19 anymore and can't party like a rock star because today I could fall asleep at my desk. DAMN IT, getting old sucks.
Anyways, the step-monster and sister were in town for the weekend. Not much to report on that front. It was good to see them, but I can go another 4 or 5 years without seeing them again and be fine with it. We're just not close. Now my family here and in Pennsylvania? That's my real family! Couldn't live without them!
We had a cookout for my other sister's boyfriend yesterday. He's home from Iraq for a few weeks, so we had a welcome home party. Wow, the things he talks about being over there off and on for about 5 years can be both horrifying and amusing. It was good to have him back though and you could tell my sister is happy. Hopefully when he goes back, he'll only be there till the end of the year. I can't imagine how hard it must be for families that have a loved one in the military. I mean, my sister is young, not even 30 yet, no kids and not married to this guy. Of course they're in love and all that, but it must take an incredible amount of personal strength to only see him a couple of times a year. Personally, I couldn't do it.
Anyways, back to less depressing shit....
5 Reasons I'm Happy Right Now:
1. 2 out of 3 kids are with my grandparents for the week
2. After he gets his shit out of my garage, I can actually organize it and get some stuff out of the house which will make me SOOOO happy.
3. I have plans to hang out tonight and watch movies, not party
4. Those plans include a certain hot boy I left in my bed this morning :)
5. That hot boy is in town for 2 more weeks :)
Happy Monday!!
Anyways, the step-monster and sister were in town for the weekend. Not much to report on that front. It was good to see them, but I can go another 4 or 5 years without seeing them again and be fine with it. We're just not close. Now my family here and in Pennsylvania? That's my real family! Couldn't live without them!
We had a cookout for my other sister's boyfriend yesterday. He's home from Iraq for a few weeks, so we had a welcome home party. Wow, the things he talks about being over there off and on for about 5 years can be both horrifying and amusing. It was good to have him back though and you could tell my sister is happy. Hopefully when he goes back, he'll only be there till the end of the year. I can't imagine how hard it must be for families that have a loved one in the military. I mean, my sister is young, not even 30 yet, no kids and not married to this guy. Of course they're in love and all that, but it must take an incredible amount of personal strength to only see him a couple of times a year. Personally, I couldn't do it.
Anyways, back to less depressing shit....
5 Reasons I'm Happy Right Now:
1. 2 out of 3 kids are with my grandparents for the week
2. After he gets his shit out of my garage, I can actually organize it and get some stuff out of the house which will make me SOOOO happy.
3. I have plans to hang out tonight and watch movies, not party
4. Those plans include a certain hot boy I left in my bed this morning :)
5. That hot boy is in town for 2 more weeks :)
Happy Monday!!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
That Explains It
Just a quick update... Apparently after talking to my sister, I found out that every day my stepmom writes the date down on a piece of paper so my dad knows what's going on. Something must have clicked in his feeble mind yesterday when he got up and looked at the date and he realized it was my birthday. That explains it. He would have never remembered himself.
My day got slightly worse when my sister told me that not only is my half-sister coming into town this weekend, but my stepmom is coming with her. I guess she needs a break from dad, so she's sticking him in a nursing home while she takes a vacaion. I wasn't aware you could just drop people off at the home when you got sick of them, lol.
My day did improve however when the hot boy showed up last night :) Happier posts coming soon, I promise!
My day got slightly worse when my sister told me that not only is my half-sister coming into town this weekend, but my stepmom is coming with her. I guess she needs a break from dad, so she's sticking him in a nursing home while she takes a vacaion. I wasn't aware you could just drop people off at the home when you got sick of them, lol.
My day did improve however when the hot boy showed up last night :) Happier posts coming soon, I promise!
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Way To F**k Up My Day
So today is my actual birthday. The day started out good cause I woke up next to a hot boy! It doesn't get a whole lot better than that! How quickly it goes down hill by getting one voicemail....
While I was out having my early smoke at work, I left my cell phone sitting on my desk. When I got back, there was a voicemail. It was from my dad.... A man I haven't spoken to in over 3 years. I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact he actually called me or that he sounded so old and crippled. FUCK...This has totally thrown me off.
My parents divorced when I was 5 after the tragic death of my youngest sister. By dad was a wife beater, but I don't remember all that. He's also an alcoholic. I've conveniently blocked out most of the early parts of my life. One day when my dad was at work, my mom took us three kids and left. The only things we took were the things that we could take on the airplane back to Pennsylvania. Later when my parents reconciled, well I shouldn't say reconciled, perhaps it's better said that they came to speaking terms again in order for him to have a relationship with us, we went down to Florida and spent time with him. He was the fun parent and when we got home, I know my mom felt like shit because of all the fun we had with him, while she spent her days slaving away at 3 different jobs and didn't do anything with us.
Years later, only after I grew up a little and was dealing with my own "fun parent" issues, (because I'm not the fun parent), I realized what an asshole my dad really was. It was actually when I had taken the boys down there on vacation and my dad flipped the hell out because my oldest son, Brandon, had drank one of his lemonades... He was screaming at a 3 year old over some canned lemonade. He used to scream at my mom like that, I do remember that... Needless to say, after that, we drifted apart for a couple of years.
My stepmom came over to Ohio a few years after that stopping through Columbus on her way to Pennsylvania. We all had dinner with her and it was pleasant I guess. I think she was still in Columbus when the call came. My dad had been found at work passed out at his desk. Apparently he'd been having wicked headaches for quite some time and when he ate he was puking and passing out. Luckily he works at the fire department and they were able to get him to the hospital immediately. God knows what would have happened had he been home alone. My stepmom rushed back to Florida to see what was going on. Within days, she called to tell us that he had a brain tumor and that we needed to come down and say our goodbyes because even if they could get all of it, he probably wouldn't be the same. My mom paid for me and my sister to fly down and meet our other sister in Orlando, then head further south to see him.
Before he went in for his operation we all said what we needed to say. Needless to say, it wasn't very nice, but there were some things that needed to be said, just in case we never got the chance again. To make a long story short, he made it through the surgery and seemed ok when he came out. It looked like he was going to make a full recovery, so the next day, we were on our way back home. Over the next year, he was in and out of the hospital with various things going on with his head. He even had to have a couple more surgeries. I kept minimal contact, checking in when I needed to, wondering if he remembered any of the things that were said to him before that first surgery.
On what was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life, when I got engaged, I called to let him know. I don't know what I expected, my sister had just gotten married 6 months earlier and he was there and everything. I DID NOT expect him to say "Why the hell would you want to do something like that?" when I told him I was getting married. I hung up the phone and cried in the Walmart parking lot. Needless to say, that was the end of my relationship with him. Should I have been surprised that he said that? Absolutely not. He's a dickhead that had two failed marriages and now has a wife that for the life of me I don't understand why she's still with him.
He called a few weeks later to see what my wedding plans were. I didn't call him back. When he found out that I was heading to Vegas to get married, he called again to basically tell me I was going to hell for not getting married in a church. This is from the man who, if he stepped foot in a church, it would probably burn to the ground....I didn't call him back. My mom and stepdad were the only people in Vegas with us when we got married. It made me happy. People tried to book flights to come out, but it was a big fight weekend and airfare was sky high. They all settled for watching it live over the internet. My stepmom went to my sister's house and watched it. My dad didn't. I didn't even get a card from him. Whatever. Such is life I suppose.
Apparently he's been in and out of the hospital again and is having violent episodes. He was locked up in a nut house for awhile. I thought he was still there.... It was 3 years ago in April the last time I talked to him, so tell me, why the fuck did he call me today? I've had two other birthdays since then that he didn't bother with. My kids have had birthdays and he didn't bother. Hell, I HAD A FUCKING BABY and he didn't bother.
Why's he gotta ruin my day? I don't know, but as normal with me, I'm not calling him back.....
While I was out having my early smoke at work, I left my cell phone sitting on my desk. When I got back, there was a voicemail. It was from my dad.... A man I haven't spoken to in over 3 years. I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact he actually called me or that he sounded so old and crippled. FUCK...This has totally thrown me off.
My parents divorced when I was 5 after the tragic death of my youngest sister. By dad was a wife beater, but I don't remember all that. He's also an alcoholic. I've conveniently blocked out most of the early parts of my life. One day when my dad was at work, my mom took us three kids and left. The only things we took were the things that we could take on the airplane back to Pennsylvania. Later when my parents reconciled, well I shouldn't say reconciled, perhaps it's better said that they came to speaking terms again in order for him to have a relationship with us, we went down to Florida and spent time with him. He was the fun parent and when we got home, I know my mom felt like shit because of all the fun we had with him, while she spent her days slaving away at 3 different jobs and didn't do anything with us.
Years later, only after I grew up a little and was dealing with my own "fun parent" issues, (because I'm not the fun parent), I realized what an asshole my dad really was. It was actually when I had taken the boys down there on vacation and my dad flipped the hell out because my oldest son, Brandon, had drank one of his lemonades... He was screaming at a 3 year old over some canned lemonade. He used to scream at my mom like that, I do remember that... Needless to say, after that, we drifted apart for a couple of years.
My stepmom came over to Ohio a few years after that stopping through Columbus on her way to Pennsylvania. We all had dinner with her and it was pleasant I guess. I think she was still in Columbus when the call came. My dad had been found at work passed out at his desk. Apparently he'd been having wicked headaches for quite some time and when he ate he was puking and passing out. Luckily he works at the fire department and they were able to get him to the hospital immediately. God knows what would have happened had he been home alone. My stepmom rushed back to Florida to see what was going on. Within days, she called to tell us that he had a brain tumor and that we needed to come down and say our goodbyes because even if they could get all of it, he probably wouldn't be the same. My mom paid for me and my sister to fly down and meet our other sister in Orlando, then head further south to see him.
Before he went in for his operation we all said what we needed to say. Needless to say, it wasn't very nice, but there were some things that needed to be said, just in case we never got the chance again. To make a long story short, he made it through the surgery and seemed ok when he came out. It looked like he was going to make a full recovery, so the next day, we were on our way back home. Over the next year, he was in and out of the hospital with various things going on with his head. He even had to have a couple more surgeries. I kept minimal contact, checking in when I needed to, wondering if he remembered any of the things that were said to him before that first surgery.
On what was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life, when I got engaged, I called to let him know. I don't know what I expected, my sister had just gotten married 6 months earlier and he was there and everything. I DID NOT expect him to say "Why the hell would you want to do something like that?" when I told him I was getting married. I hung up the phone and cried in the Walmart parking lot. Needless to say, that was the end of my relationship with him. Should I have been surprised that he said that? Absolutely not. He's a dickhead that had two failed marriages and now has a wife that for the life of me I don't understand why she's still with him.
He called a few weeks later to see what my wedding plans were. I didn't call him back. When he found out that I was heading to Vegas to get married, he called again to basically tell me I was going to hell for not getting married in a church. This is from the man who, if he stepped foot in a church, it would probably burn to the ground....I didn't call him back. My mom and stepdad were the only people in Vegas with us when we got married. It made me happy. People tried to book flights to come out, but it was a big fight weekend and airfare was sky high. They all settled for watching it live over the internet. My stepmom went to my sister's house and watched it. My dad didn't. I didn't even get a card from him. Whatever. Such is life I suppose.
Apparently he's been in and out of the hospital again and is having violent episodes. He was locked up in a nut house for awhile. I thought he was still there.... It was 3 years ago in April the last time I talked to him, so tell me, why the fuck did he call me today? I've had two other birthdays since then that he didn't bother with. My kids have had birthdays and he didn't bother. Hell, I HAD A FUCKING BABY and he didn't bother.
Why's he gotta ruin my day? I don't know, but as normal with me, I'm not calling him back.....
Monday, July 13, 2009
The Party's Over...
WOW.... I didn't think last year's 30th birthday bash could be topped. Boy was I wrong! Here's me and my bff Tara last year at the 80's party:
Yeah, that's me with the pink hair. Fun times with too many pics that can't even be posted in a public place. Here is how this year's party started:
Keep in mind we had already drank over a hundred of them last weekend at our 4th of July parties... Right here there are 375 jello shots. My friend JoJo brought about another hundred or so. There were 16 left in my fridge yesterday and I'm convinced that the only reason they were left was because they had fallen to the back of the fridge behind things.
The party started at 6 with dinner at my house with the parents, my sister and her husband. I decided I'm over cookout food for awhile and made stuffed shells. They were soooo yummy! I had told everyone else we'd be starting around 8, so that my parents could chill for awhile and then head home with the kids.
****Sidebar Here***
We live in a place that we affectionately call "the hood". We'll just say it's lower middle class. Tara's mom calls it a trailer park without the wheels, which I love. She lives here too, so she doesn't have too much room to talk. Anyways, all of our hood friends pretty much live on our street and everyone's kids run around together. It's great and right now I can't imagine living anywhere else. These people would do anything for each other. I inserted the Sidebar to tell you this, because my parents don't mingle well in the hood and most definitely don't agree with the parties that go on in the hood. We'll talk more about that another time.
Anyways...At 6:45 my phone starts ringing..alot. We were just finishing dinner and people were calling saying they were on their way over...Umm, no people! Luckily we were able to hold off people until my parents left. This was the first time that I've been away from the baby for more than 8 hours (and those are 8 hrs. while I'm at work). At the risk of sounding like a bad mom, I LOVED IT! I just needed a break.
With parents and kids out of the way, people started to wander over. Early on, it was a lot of the regular people, the ones that I hang out with on a daily or at least weekly basis. Everyone who lives right around us gets together all the time for "happy hour" which usually is held on my deck or April's patio. I still needed to change clothes and put some makeup on.
By 9:00 things were in full swing. I had setup a projector in my garage so we could watch the UFC fights outside and they were scheduled to start at 10. Jello shots, beer and bullshits were flowing all around. Everyone was having a great time.... Then it slowly started to get a lil outta control....
My neighbor Tim recently cut down a tree in my back yard. A huge one.. On Wednesday night, we were all talking about how fun it would be to drill a hole in the stump and have a stripper pole for the party. On Thursday, Tim came down with the stripper pole he made for the stump...
I must say, the girls totally rocked it... Poor Tim though...He can slide down it upside down sober, but I got him drunk for cutting down my tree and this is what happened:
Don't worry, I talked to him yesterday and for the most part, he's ok. My camera battery died shortly after the fights started and by the time I remembered I wasn't taking pictures, it was after the fights ended. For the most part, everyone was wasted by then.
I have funny friends, most of them we should label "sexually explicit" though. Do you have any clue what kind of charades ensued behind the sheet we were projecting the fights on to? Let's just say when you have a 6' x 6' screen, people will do some funny stuff behind it for all to see. When someone posts pics of that, I'll add one, but I didn't get any on my camera.
Poor JoJo swore she was not gonna get dumped into the pool, but before 2am it happened:
She wasn't the only one who ended up in there, but it wasn't nearly as bad as last year when there were like 15 people in a pool made for about 4 people. After that, the wheels really came off, just like last year. I think it was about 4am when the last of the drunks passed out around the house. The sun was already out by the time I fell asleep at 6:30ish. I vaguely remember rambling something about getting up and getting some greasy eggs and bacon in the morning.We woke up around 11:30 and surveyed the damage to the back yard. WOW...Jello shot cups and beer bottles everywhere. Went and had my greasy eggs and bacon as well as some pancakes and then came home and cleaned up the mess. Took a Vicodin for the headache and spent the rest of the day laying around watching the fights I didn't really see the night before and snoozing. It was a great Sunday.
There aren't very many places in suburbia you can live and have fires, a stripper pole and 50 people in your backyard whoopin it up till 4am, I'm lucky that I live in one of those places :)
Cheers to turning 31 and here's me on the pole!
Yeah, that's me with the pink hair. Fun times with too many pics that can't even be posted in a public place. Here is how this year's party started:Keep in mind we had already drank over a hundred of them last weekend at our 4th of July parties... Right here there are 375 jello shots. My friend JoJo brought about another hundred or so. There were 16 left in my fridge yesterday and I'm convinced that the only reason they were left was because they had fallen to the back of the fridge behind things.The party started at 6 with dinner at my house with the parents, my sister and her husband. I decided I'm over cookout food for awhile and made stuffed shells. They were soooo yummy! I had told everyone else we'd be starting around 8, so that my parents could chill for awhile and then head home with the kids.
****Sidebar Here***
We live in a place that we affectionately call "the hood". We'll just say it's lower middle class. Tara's mom calls it a trailer park without the wheels, which I love. She lives here too, so she doesn't have too much room to talk. Anyways, all of our hood friends pretty much live on our street and everyone's kids run around together. It's great and right now I can't imagine living anywhere else. These people would do anything for each other. I inserted the Sidebar to tell you this, because my parents don't mingle well in the hood and most definitely don't agree with the parties that go on in the hood. We'll talk more about that another time.
Anyways...At 6:45 my phone starts ringing..alot. We were just finishing dinner and people were calling saying they were on their way over...Umm, no people! Luckily we were able to hold off people until my parents left. This was the first time that I've been away from the baby for more than 8 hours (and those are 8 hrs. while I'm at work). At the risk of sounding like a bad mom, I LOVED IT! I just needed a break.
With parents and kids out of the way, people started to wander over. Early on, it was a lot of the regular people, the ones that I hang out with on a daily or at least weekly basis. Everyone who lives right around us gets together all the time for "happy hour" which usually is held on my deck or April's patio. I still needed to change clothes and put some makeup on.
By 9:00 things were in full swing. I had setup a projector in my garage so we could watch the UFC fights outside and they were scheduled to start at 10. Jello shots, beer and bullshits were flowing all around. Everyone was having a great time.... Then it slowly started to get a lil outta control....
My neighbor Tim recently cut down a tree in my back yard. A huge one.. On Wednesday night, we were all talking about how fun it would be to drill a hole in the stump and have a stripper pole for the party. On Thursday, Tim came down with the stripper pole he made for the stump...
I must say, the girls totally rocked it... Poor Tim though...He can slide down it upside down sober, but I got him drunk for cutting down my tree and this is what happened:Don't worry, I talked to him yesterday and for the most part, he's ok. My camera battery died shortly after the fights started and by the time I remembered I wasn't taking pictures, it was after the fights ended. For the most part, everyone was wasted by then.I have funny friends, most of them we should label "sexually explicit" though. Do you have any clue what kind of charades ensued behind the sheet we were projecting the fights on to? Let's just say when you have a 6' x 6' screen, people will do some funny stuff behind it for all to see. When someone posts pics of that, I'll add one, but I didn't get any on my camera.
Poor JoJo swore she was not gonna get dumped into the pool, but before 2am it happened:
She wasn't the only one who ended up in there, but it wasn't nearly as bad as last year when there were like 15 people in a pool made for about 4 people. After that, the wheels really came off, just like last year. I think it was about 4am when the last of the drunks passed out around the house. The sun was already out by the time I fell asleep at 6:30ish. I vaguely remember rambling something about getting up and getting some greasy eggs and bacon in the morning.We woke up around 11:30 and surveyed the damage to the back yard. WOW...Jello shot cups and beer bottles everywhere. Went and had my greasy eggs and bacon as well as some pancakes and then came home and cleaned up the mess. Took a Vicodin for the headache and spent the rest of the day laying around watching the fights I didn't really see the night before and snoozing. It was a great Sunday.
There aren't very many places in suburbia you can live and have fires, a stripper pole and 50 people in your backyard whoopin it up till 4am, I'm lucky that I live in one of those places :)
Cheers to turning 31 and here's me on the pole!
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