I've Got Nothing But A Lost Camera

As soon as I find it, I'll post something more interesting.  Tara claims she has it, but she was as drunk as I was, so who knows..... Plus, idiots at work are breaking their computers left and right, so I'm actually pretty busy right now.  We'll try to return to your regularly scheduled programming tomorrow.  I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday :)

All Is Right With My World....

Kyle arrived in my bed at 6:30 this morning.  Too bad that was exactly 15 minutes before I had to get up and go to work.  I wanted to lay there all day, but, there isn't anyone else in the house bringin home the bacon, so I'm at work doing absolutely nothing until 1:00.  Then I must get home and wrap gifts.  It took me a super long time to decide on a gift for him last night, but Tara made me get drinks beforehand, which coulda made is slightly harder to pick something out.  It actually went a little something like this:
(I'm bolding Tara's dialogue because she literally was yelling she was so drunk)

T: HEY YOU, WHAT ARE YOU, LIKE 19 OR SOMETHING?
Guy: Uhh, I'm 35...
T: FUCK NO YOU'RE NOT
Guy: Ok you got me, I'm 24.
T: OK, SO IF YOU WERE A THIRD OF THE SIZE YOU ARE, AND 19, WOULD YOU WEAR THIS? (she holds up the gray t-shirt material hoodie I picked out for Kyle)
Guy: Uhh yeah, if I weighed a hundred pounds I'd totally rock it.  Is your guy skinny?
Me: Uhh yeah
Guy: I'd totally get it
Me: Awesome
T: SEE I TOLD YOU IF WE COULD FIND A STRAIGHT BOY AROUND HERE HE'D TELL US THE TRUTH.  NOW, YOU, TELL HER THAT THIS OTHER HOODIE IS GIRLY!!!

I point out the other hoodie that I liked.

Guy: Uhh, that's not girly.  It's actually pretty sweet
T: BUT IT HAS FUCKING STRIPES AROUND THE BOTTOM, THAT'S GAAAAAAAAAAY!
Me: Maybe I should pay for this shit and get outta here.
Guy: Probably a good idea, you don't wanna get kicked outta the mall, but you girls seem like a lot of fun.
Me: Oh, if you only knew

Just In Case

I'm incredibly busy with work tomorrow (lol, that's super funny...I haven't been busy in weeks), I just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, or Happy whatever-it-is-you-celebrate.  I'm hoping for some nice quiet time with the kids and Kyle, without much interference from others..... We'll see how that goes.  I'll leave you with some goofy kid Christmas pics and I wanna hear what you got for Christmas or whatever-it-is-you-celebrate next week :)

Gavin sporting his new USC mini helmet for his collection.  Thank God this kid's head has grown into his ears and he doesn't look so goofy anymore.....

 

Gavin again looking "pimp" as he says.... There's only a one year difference between this pic and the one before it.

Lol, Brandon's first Christmas and my mom with bad hair....

Gavin's first Christmas... He looks a lil retarded.....

Have a good one peeps :)

A Little Less Conversation....

Uhh yeah, a little more action......  Mikey wanted to know what Kyle and I could possibly talk about....  Well, I don't know, stuff.  What you have to remember is that when he's home, I'm at work all day and he doesn't get to my house until around 8 or so, depending on if I'm cooking or not.  By then, I'm ready to settle in and watch my shows, which he asks a million questions about because he's missed episodes, or piss around on the computer for a bit, then well, there's not much talking going on if ya know what I mean....

He's actually incredibly mature for his age and has a lot going on for him.  He's not interested in the party, party, party all the time like your typical 20 year old.  His friends barely hold jobs, and he's out working harder for those 28 days that he's gone than most of them do all year, so when he comes home, he's not interested in getting tangled up with all their drama.  Kind of like Dave caused last time Kyle was here.  He hasn't talked to either of us since then, and though it sucks cause Dave was cool to hang out with, Kyle realizes that's not the kind of people he wants to be associated with.

For some reason, I've never been with someone who you would consider my intellectual equal or even smarter than me.  It's not that I don't enjoy a deep conversation about this or that, I can often find that at work or even at the bar, I just prefer to keep things simple right now.  We talk about work, what the kids are doing, what his next steps are with his job, hell sometimes with his life, what the hell I'm doing with my life, things of the sort.

I guess the reason I enjoy him is because it's not complicated.  Sure, there are aspects of the relationship that kind of are, but those are things that in the grand scheme of things don't matter.  Do I care that he won't tell his family that he's seeing me?  Not really.  Do I care that my mother has a huge stick up her ass about me seeing him?  Not really.  I know it may seem like it by the way I talk, but in all honesty, NOBODY would be good enough for me the way she sees things.  To her, my life has been a series of bad decisions, similar to the first 35 years of her life.  Anything that I do now to try and make up for that just doesn't matter.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that normal and uncomplicated are what I need right now, and that's what I've got.  There are too many other things going on in my life right now for me to have to worry about getting to know someone new and all that's involved with that.  Do you have any clue how hard it is to meet somebody who can cast aside the fact that you have 3 kids and actually get to know you?

Random Amusing Things

So, I've got stuff to say, but I didn't wanna just lump them all into one big post.  I broke down and went to the doctor yesterday.  I've never had a sinus infection, but didn't wanna mess around with it being as the doctor's office will be closed for the holiday and I didn't wanna still be sick when Kyle comes home Wednesday night.  Turns out I do have a sinus infection and that cough that I've had for a month now, amongst other symptoms has turned into walking pneumonia, which caused the sinus infection.  Fucking lovely.  He didn't want to give me a prescription.  He wanted me to wait it out another week to see if my body would get rid of it on its own. 

Luckily we got to talking about me being so tired and run down and the baby and he decided he'd just give me the antibiotics while I was there, instead of risking me spreading it to Ev or the big kids.  Well, truth be told, I probably got the infection from one of them, but whatever.  I'm all for not being totally miserable and it wasn't healing itself, I was getting worse by the hour yesterday.  Now I've got 1000 milligrams of Biaxin in me per day for the next 10 days, so I should be good to go.  I really don't feel as bad as I probably should, but I'm used to feeling like crap all the time due to getting very little sleep.  The big kids stayed down at T's house last night since they're on winter break, so after Ev went to bed, I did the same.  Today was the first day of Secret Santa at work and if it weren't for that, I woulda stayed home today just for the extra rest.  Oh well, I'll sleep when I'm dead I guess.

In other news, I'm totally not feeling the "Christmas Spirit".  I don't know what my problem is.  Perhaps it's that my kids will each have one gift under the tree to open.  Don't get me wrong, they got presents, new snowboards, bindings, ski passes, new coats, the damned wireless adapter for the Xbox 360, but those are things that they've already gotten.  No sense in taking them and wrapping them, right?  They're too old for all that shit.  I picked up the two video games they wanted yesterday and I'll wrap them so that they have something to unwrap.  As for Ev, I'm not really gonna worry about him this year.  He's too little to really know what is going on with the whole Christmas thing.  Although, he did have a super good time unwrapping presents at Nana's house.   He'd tear a piece of wrapping paper off and then promptly shove it in his mouth.  He was more excited over the paper than the toys he got.  That's little kids though.  I remember when I got a new dishwasher and the big kids played in the box for weeks.  It makes me a little sad that things like that no longer interest them.

So, the wireless adapter for the Xbox 360?  Yeah, what a pain in the ass.  I decided that rather than having the cable that runs all the way from B's room through the hall, across the living room and into the Xbox, I'd get them the adapter.  I've got a nice wireless setup in the house, so it made the most sense.  Plus I'm tired of accidentally touching the cable and them getting pissed because it disconnects them. We've been going back and forth about getting it though.  It was $100, which I think is totally ridiculous.  I went to Walmart on Sunday to pick it up while I was getting groceries.  No dice.  They were out of it.  FUCK, off to Best Buy yesterday while I was waiting on my prescriptions.  I find it and it's the last one they have.  While I'm there I see that Left For Dead 2 is on sale and that's what B really wanted.  What to get G though?  After perusing the kill kill kill section that is Xbox 360 games, I find it.  Madden 10.  Perfect.  I head for the checkout.  I knew the line would be long, there were a zillion people in the store.  I didn't think it would stretch halfway around the store and be 200 people deep though.  Damn, I was on a time crunch, but I knew putting back that adapter would probably mean I wouldn't get one in time for Christmas.  I waited and I'll give the Best Buy people credit, they really moved the line, having one person standing at the head of the line directing people to the registers.  I only waited about 20 minutes and was outta there with my bank account $227 lighter.

What else?  Oh yeah, on to the funny (well to me anyways).  Nicole called me yesterday.  I assumed it was because she needed me to watch her kid again.  Turns out I was wrong.  She wanted to let me know that she was out with her douchebag guy Saturday night and they saw the ex-husband and hung out with him "because we felt bad he was at the bar alone".  Apparently several shots later, Nicole thought it would be a good idea to invite him to her mom's holiday open house on Christmas Eve....  She called her mom to make sure it was ok with her and of course it was.  Everyone loved the ex, except me apparently.  Her mom pointed out that she should have called me to clear it before she asked him.  Nicole said she'd call me, in the mean time, her mother called mine to make sure it was ok with her.  My mom said she didn't care, but they should check with me.  So I get the call from Nicole yesterday and I laugh when she tells me the whole story.  Do I care that he's gonna be there?  No, I really don't.  First of all there will be so many people there that we probably won't have to speak.  Second of all, he'll be alone because if I remember correctly, this would be a year where he doesn't get his kid until Christmas day.  Third, I won't have Ev with me, so that'll curb all the weirdness. 

There are plenty of reasons Ev would create a ton of weirdness, first and foremost being as I made the ex get clipped so that we wouldn't have anymore kids, which he was opposed to, but did anyway. I see him at the bar all the time and he's been back to my house after one of the times with all of us, but I really haven't talked to him.  In my opinion getting a divorce means you don't have to deal with the person anymore, right?  Most of the time I'm with Kyle and Kyle knows who he is and is uncomfortable with the situation, so I don't press things any further than saying hello.  So whatever, we'll see how all that goes.

Hmmm, what else?  I think that's about it, I'm just suffering through these last couple of days at work.  Christmas will be unspectacular I'm sure, so there won't be much to write about unless something goes totally crazy.  Tara and I have a date to get drunk Christmas Eve.  I'll need it after going to church, dealing with Ev's grandma and then seeing the ex.  Then Christmas morning we'll sleep in, get up and have breakfast, then head over to mom's house to open gifts.  After that, who knows....

A Perfect Example Of A Double Standard.

Soo, I told you all about how snowboarding went, as for the rest of Christmas?  Ehh, not a whole lot to report there.  Nobody is pregnant, gay or anything weirder this year.  There was one exception though.

My uncle Rick comes walking in with his "girlfriend".  Mind you, I don't care for uncle Rick a whole lot in the first place.  He is the black sheep of all my mom's siblings, and he has a kid who is absolutely repulsive in more ways than one.  The kid's mom was one of the strangest people I've ever met and when her and my uncle didn't get along, she took off leaving him with the kid, who is probably 17 now.  Enough about the kid, I could write a whole post on why this kid is fucked up.

So, back to the girlfriend.  I don't pay a whole lot of attention to who anyone is seeing in the family, whether it be my uncles or my cousins or whatever.  I just don't care.  I'm not all that close to any of them.  When Rick and the girl walk in, I immediately recognize her, but I don't know from where.  I keep looking at her, trying not to be obvious and I still don't know why she looks so familiar.  It doesn't hit me until they leave.  She was in my class when I went to school over there.......and, she was a skanky whore...

My family seems to think she's the greatest thing since sliced cheese.  Personally, I think she's a piece of shit, who probably contributed to my "ugly duckling" syndrome as a kid.  What does any of this have to do with anything?  Well, back to my title.  My uncle Rick is 47, she is 31. 16 years....  Y'all know that I'm a "to each his own" kind of girl, but why is it that my relationship with Kyle is such a big deal at an 11 year difference, but it's ok that he's got a 16 year difference.  I REALLY WANNA KNOW why it's ok for a guy to date a significantly younger woman, but it's not ok the other way around.  Hell, I'm not even allowed to bring Kyle with me to any functions that my mother is at, because she doesn't want people to talk....

It's all so annoying.....

I Couldn't Help But Notice Your Pain....

This is the perfect lyric for me today (Pain, 2Pac).  I'm walking like I have a stick firmly shoved up my ass and if you're behind me speaking, I need to turn my entire body around to see you.  No, I didn't end up in the small town ER, but holy shit I'm sore.

I arrived in northwestern PA around 7pm on Friday night.  My trunk was packed so full that not another thing could fit into it with winter fun stuff.  We pulled into my Nana's driveway only to find a dusting of snow.  The three of us were super disappointed, especially since everywhere around us was getting record breaking amounts of snow.  I was a little pissed because we had packed all the extra stuff for the weekend. 

Have no fear, within an hour of our arrival, it began to snow......And didn't stop until Sunday morning.  That's what I'm talkin about!!  I was really hyped up about this trip.  I wanted to try my new snowboard and get some time on it before we go up to Mad River the day after Christmas.  I didn't want to look like a total tool in front of Kyle and the kids.  How did I do?

OMG, it's fucking hard.  I'm clumsy, I mean, I broke my ankle and tore two ligaments eating nachos and walking for God sakes.  This was WAYYYYYY harder.  First of all, I don't like that my feet are trapped onto the board.  I'd like to be able to jump ship if I start to fall.  Nope, my feet are locked in.  DAMN IT.  I started on the bigger of the two hills, probably not a great idea.  I fully expected to spend most of the day on the ground, so no big deal.

Once I figured out how to get the bindings secured in my SUPER CUTE new boots, my next challenge was to figure out how to stand up.  Uhh, it's a WHOLE lot harder than I figured it would be.  Then I get up and the damn thing just starts going.  What I notice immediately is that I'm facing the wrong direction.  In a perfect world, I'd lead with my left leg, I'm going down the hill at the speed of sound leading with my right.  I try to make it change, but I fucking fall.....HARD.....FACE FIRST....  I didn't end up like Brandon with the scratched up bloody face, but damn, that sucked.  Ok, well I get myself out of the damn bindings and try again and again and again......  I'm getting a little better when Brandon suggests we go over to the far side of the field where it's nothing more than a slight slope.  Thanks buddy, you couldn't have suggested that like hours ago?

Over on the other side, there are some obstacles.  I'm cursing my Papa under my breath for making the horseshoe pit right there, but happy that he has put bright orange piping over the stakes so that I know exactly when I'm going to hit them.  Luckily I managed to avoid them.  There was a slight jump in the hill that killed me every time.  I was just trying to go nice and slow over it and I'd fall every time.  Brandon was trying to get air going over it, I was just trying not to break my ass.  Finally, after what seemed like forever, I got the hang of it.  Well, the going part.  Stopping, that's a whole new lesson.  Sure, the kids demonstrated it to me, but I couldn't make my body do what it needed to do.  Yeah, I'm uncoordinated like that.  I was slightly happy when it was time to come in and have Christmas.

My goal was to get out yesterday and work on it some more, but Ev hasn't slept for more than two hours at a time in days now, which meant I was in the house dealing with him all morning.  When I got out of bed, I was surprised I didn't hurt too badly.  Strangely enough, it was only my shoulders and arms....WTF?  Out of all the muscles on my body, those are things that shouldn't have even come close to hurting.  Hell, I lug a 21 lb baby around in a car seat all day long.

I decide to bail around noon.  I couldn't handle Ev anymore.  He needed sleep and just was not getting it there.  I get the car all packed up and realize we have even less room with all the Christmas presents than we did on the way over.  I had to have my mom take all the boys clothes from playing outside home with her.  We get on the road around l, making it home shortly after 4, a personal best driving time for me.

Once I get the kids and all of our shit in the house, all I want to do is collapse from exhaustion.  Do I?  Hell no.  Because I'm allergic to cats and my Nana has a cat, EVERYTHING we took has to be washed.  Oh yeah, that's right, there's no food in the house and I've got kids home from school for the next two weeks.  Well shit.  I get Ev settled in for the evening and head out, no kids in tow to get groceries.  By the time I do that and get done with all the shit I need to do, it's almost 10 and I hurt all over.

Hello Vicodin/Bacardi Limon/SF Red Bull combination.  Where have you been?  I've missed having my three favorite things all together for quite some time now.  Yes, I know, I am poor and I can't afford all of you in the amounts that I would like to have you, but tonight, you are all mine.  Or so I thought....

I was peacefully in my drug/alcohol induced slumber when Ev woke up.  DAMN IT.  I was so comfy in my bed....  All curled up and warm....  I get up and get him a bottle.  Back to bed.  Two hours later, I do this again.....lather, rinse, repeat every two hours all night long......

Yet again today I'm living dead girl.  My whole body hurts today, because it's a proven fact, the second day after strenuous exercise is the worst....  Plus, I have a sinus infection on top of it.  If I could catch a break, I'd be fucking golden.  Instead, it's off to the minute clinic to get some antibiotics.  Maybe they'll prescribe me some muscle relaxers too.....  They're pretty liberal over there with dispensing drugs.  I don't feel bad, but I know I have one, without going into detail, it's pretty obvious.  Plus, knowing my luck I'll be deathly ill on Christmas if I don't do anything with a quickness.  There's nothing worse than being sick over the holidays, so I'm gonna suck it up and take care of it.

I'll post more about the actual Christmas celebration here in a little bit, this is getting super long, but I did wanna include some pictures of Brandon & Gavin on their boards (or their butts).  I didn't get any of me, but I'm hoping to get some the day after Christmas when we go to the big rail jam :)

Happy Monday Everyone :)

My cousin Ryan and Gavin

Gavin being pissed off because he can't get his bindings snapped

Finally Gavin got going

And then he fell and quit for the day......

For some reason I don't have any good ones of Brandon.  He was the only one out of the 4 of us out there that did any good at it......

I'm Outta Here....

Well, in about two hours at least I'll be released from this prison, better known as my cubicle.  I'll be on the road by 3, pending my kids actually getting their asses home from school and having everything ready to go like they say they do.  We'll see about all that.....

I may post this weekend with pictures as stuff happens, but don't hold your breath.  We all know how lazy I get when the weekend rolls around.  Plus, I'll be doped up on Benadryl all weekend because of my grandma's cat, which automatically means I'll be napping a whole lot. 

Anywho, have a great weekend everyone and I'll talk to y'all Monday, if not before :)

Just An Update

I still haven't responded to the email.  I think I may wait until next week.  I've got lots of stuff going on the rest of the week, plus I just don't feel like dealing with her.  I'm leaving for Pennsylvania on Friday afternoon, so I have to get everyone packed between wrapping gifts for the family party, Gavin's choir concert tonight and soccer training tomorrow night.  We're busy people, I don't have time to deal with the little shit right now.

Have I told you guys about Gavin and choir?  He had to take something for an elective over at the middle school, so he chose choir, thinking he could get in good with the girls.  It worked, they swoon all over the kid and he loves it.  He's my musically gifted kid, so it made sense to me at the time.  This will be their second performance and it's all cute and shit.  Brandon makes fun of him, but that's because Brandon didn't have to choose an elective last year.  Brandon got put in the retarded kids study time based on the fact they wanted to hold him back in the 6th grade.  We're not gonna get into all that, but basically study time was just a place for him to go and do his homework, with help, so that he could sit and play video games when he got home.  It was stupid and he was mad when they didn't put him in it this year.  Hello kid??  Maybe there are kids that actually need the program, not you who are just lazy....

What else?  Oh yeah, Pennsylvania this weekend.  Nothing like going back to your depressing ass roots to really appreciate that you could have it a whole lot worse....  I could be working at the local Burger King making minimum wage, ya know?  Of course I'd be living in a trailer and my living expenses would be far less, so maybe that's what I should do.  We do call the hood the trailer park on wheels, so I'm suspecting that I could go back to were I came from with relative ease....

My Nana has been released from the hospital and is now feeling much better, so the family holiday party will go on as it always has.  I can't wait to hear who's pregnant, getting married, getting divorced or came out of the closet this year, because for the first time in awhile, IT'S NOT ME!!!!  It's always someone though.  My guess is that Aunt Mary is having another kid, which will make like 5 or 6.  If that woman put as much interest in a job as she does making babies, she'd be a millionaire.

Since I'm staying until Sunday, I'm meeting up with some of my old friends that have recently found me on Facebook.  That should be interesting..........  Hey, as long as they still drink like they did when we were like 14, we're good.  Plus, they got some snow over there today, so I'm hoping for some quality snowboard time on the bunny hills in  my Nana's yard.  They're awesome for sledding, so they should be a good starting place for me, just as long as I don't get going and not stop, then I'll be going over the 2nd hill and into the ditch beside the road.  I'll take it easy though because this girl right here will NOT be the recipient of care in the small town emergency room.  Last time I was there they told me to walk it off, when indeed I had a broken foot.  Assholes....

I guess that's about it for now.  I actually have some work to do today that I should probably get done in my last two hours here.  Then I'm outta here to Gavin's performance.  Get this...  They're actually singing CHRISTMAS songs....  Not holiday bullshit.  It should be interesting to say the least.  I'll check in with y'all tomorrow :)

Happy Hump Day!!

I Firmly Believe.....

That people who aren't getting laid on a regular basis are angry all the time.  Self pleasure doesn't count here either for whatever reason.  My kids hate me right now, I'm surprised Kyle is even talking to me and Ev's grandma finally knows that she bugs the living shit out of me.  Why?  Because I'm an angry person.  I'm not getting any on a regular basis right now and I really do think that's what maintains my sanity.  You know, all those hormones and endorphins that are released...  They must be my Valium.... 

Anyways, sorry I've been gone for a few days.  I didn't do anything at all over the weekend except go and buy the kids new winter coats. Boy that was a treat....  I got good deals though and they really needed them, so I guess it's good that it's all out of the way.  Too bad they didn't wear them to school today.  It was in the mid 40's when we left this morning and now it's about 25.  It's gonna be a cold walk home for them this afternoon....

So, why am I so angry today?  Well, it's been festering since yesterday.  Sunday night I didn't get any sleep again because little Satan woke up every 20 minutes screaming like someone was chopping his leg off.  I assumed it was his teeth bothering him, so I was a little disappointed when both Oragel and Tylenol did nothing for the situation.

Fast forward to yesterday afternoon when I picked him up.  I asked if he slept all day, since obviously he didn't sleep at night.  They said no, he was upset all day and apparently dirtying diapers left and right with corn.  Yeah, whole kernels of corn..... Funny, I don't feed my kid table food.....  Daycare sure as hell doesn't.  I called my mom just to make sure that she didn't and of all the things I can accuse my mom of doing, going against what I specifically ask her not to do isn't one of them.  So that only leaves the one other person that he was with this past weekend.  The other grandma.  He was with her all afternoon on Sunday.  Now you all know that I've been stewing over the whole her feeding him Thanksgiving dinner thing and also about having to constantly rearrange my plans to accommodate them and their wanting to include us in their family.  Yesterday sent me over the fucking edge.

Here's the email that I sent her, unedited, with the exception of removing names and email addresses.  Oh yeah I'm also replying to an email she sent me about his next visit with them:

Yeah, next Tuesday, that's fine.  What's more concerning to me at this point is that I was up all night yet again with a child that was waking up from a sound sleep every 20 minutes screaming like someone was chopping his leg off.  I chalked it up to being his teeth until I picked him up at daycare today only to hear that he dirtied 3 different diapers with WHOLE chunks of corn.  Being as you were the only other person he's been with this weekend, I can only assume that you fed him table food again after I asked you not to. 

I don't care that this is what you did with your kids or that it's probably what my mom did with us.  It's the fact that I asked you not to and you did it anyway.  I'm the one that has to get up all night long with the kid and still go to work the next day.  I'm having a hard enough time with all the teeth that he's getting keeping him up all night that I don't need any more unnecessary issues.  I haven't had more than two full night's sleep since the kid was born, so at this point, I'm trying to get all I can.  I don't need this.

I've got more than enough on my plate trying to do a holiday juggling act with no money, no sleep and my house and utilities hanging by a thread.  I'm trying to accommodate everyone's holiday requests of us being all over the place and I'm just tired.  You know what I want for Christmas?  Peace and quiet just like I had at Thanksgiving. 

I appreciate you guys making every effort to include us in your family, really, I do, but it's not necessary.  I wasn't married to your son, hell I wasn't even dating him.  He was just another casualty in my long list of things that never should have happened.  You don't have to treat us like we're part of your family, when we're not and will never be.  Ev is your family and you're more than welcome to see him whenever, as I've made that clear all the long.  Just as long as when I make a request you follow through with it.  This whole table food thing has me incredibly angry right now. 

I'm actually dreading the fact that Noah may be at your house on Christmas Eve.  I don't really want to be there, even though he acts all cordial around me.  That's your family time and I feel like an intruder, probably just as Noah felt when he left my house last year on Christmas Eve.  The last thing I want is to make the situation more awkward.  I'll bring Evan over if that's what you want to do and bring our gifts for everyone, since I said I'd do that, but I just don't feel like it's my place to be in your family's holiday.

I guess that's it right now, I don't know, I'm just so tired it's hard to make sense of anything anymore. 
 
I wasn't expecting a reply until sometime tonight because she's doing some sub work for the schools, so imagine my surprise when I open my email this morning and get this:

I tried to call you.  Your phone said that you were not accepting calls so I don't know if that means your phone is still not in service or that you are in bed as it is 10:00 p.m.   I just happened to check my email before I went to bed and found yours.
 

    I just want to make this perfectly clear.  We did NOT give any food to Ev at all this Sunday.  All he had was his formula. We ourselves didn't even have a meal while he was here.  And when we did give him table food at Thanksgiving we did not give him any corn.  We didn't even have corn ourselves.  We only gave him mashed potatoes and some pumpkin pie with whip cream.  However I distinctly remember that the vegetable baby food that you sent was Sweet Potato with Corn.  I remember this because Jodi and I were surprised that they put corn in baby food as corn is one of the most non digestible foods there is. That is why when even adults eat corn, it pretty much comes out just like it went in.  So, maybe you better look at what was in the baby food jars you have been feeding him the past few days.  And if the baby food you have been giving him hasn't had corn in it, then I don't know what to tell you except that it was not us that gave him table food.  

 I would never go against what you had asked whether I agreed with you or not and I am insulted that you would think I would and that you just jumped to the conclusion that it had to be us without even asking.  And frankly don't you feel that E has always had some trouble with digesting even his formula before you even started him on baby food?  I've seen him tense up, cry, and scrunch up his legs on occasions when he is trying to poop and at those times his poop would come out really big and really hard. 

    I am sorry that you are having a rough time right now, but I do not feel this is my fault or that I should be a scapegoat for your anger and unhappiness.  I realize that I am the mother of the "jerk", but I am not Noah and can not be held responsible for the fact that things did not turn out how you had hoped.  Hell, they didn't turn out like I had hoped.  But both you and Noah are responsible for bringing Ev into our lives and we love him.  All we are trying to do is be his grandparents and we thought that including you and the boys would be a good thing.  However, if we were wrong, what's new?.  

    Whether Noah is in town or not, he will not be here on Christmas Eve.  He has made that very clear.  In fact he was not here on Thanksgiving.  He does not wish to be around Ev until he knows for sure that he is his son.  He has no problem with us grandparenting Ev and even says he has no problem with us being friends and including you and the boys.  But as you seem to find this uncomfortable now so be it.  Yes, please bring Ev over around 5:00 on Christmas Eve.  I know that Jodi has gifts for you and the boys as they drew your names as well as do J***** and I.  You can take them with you when you drop him off.  Since these gifts have already been bought I would appreciate it if you could bring gifts for the three names that were drawn for you as I would hate for those kids to not have a gift in the exchange.  However, if you feel you just can't, let me know and I will contact Jodi. We will figure something out.  In the future we will limit our family to E as you seem to be asking.  

    Again, I will pick up Ev on the 22nd from daycare.  Let me know what time you will be picking him up.

Bullet points are going to make this a whole lot clearer to explain...

1. Yeah, my phone is turned off.  Sometimes you have to choose between the electric and things that are less important.  I wouldn't have answered it even if it was turned on.
2. Not that I asked about Thanksgiving, but you're lying.  You fed him turkey and stuffing too.  In addition, can someone tell me HOW IN THE HELL PUREED CORN WOULD TURN ITSELF INTO KERNELS????? This is just fucking ridiculous.....
3. Yeah, my kid had problems with formula.  We straightened that all out and now that he's eating baby food, the problems are even less than they were.  What's your point?
4. Jerk?  No, your son is a fucking dickhat.  NEVER did I want to be in a relationship with him.  He was too fucked up even for me to deal with.  I just wanted him pay some child support and go away.  Now you have me hoping that it's not even his kid so that I never have to deal with ANY of you again.
   
5. No, Noah will be at the bar on Christmas Eve drinking himself into a stupor as usual, I'm sure.  It doesn't change the fact that I feel like I'm intruding on your family time.
6. Yes, I will buy the fucking gifts because you signed me up for this damned exchange without telling me that I'd have three names and it'd cost me $75.  Can't really change that now without me looking like a total asshole, now can I?
7. Yeah, I'll pick him up after work on the 22nd, please take care to toss him out the door promptly at 5:15 so I don't have to come inside and deal with you....

So I don't know how I'm going to respond to her email.  I think I'm gonna wait a couple of days and simmer down a little bit.  Obviously I've angered her, because I'm accusing, but HELLO??? If he wasn't with anyone else, who's the logical person who did it?????  Opinions anyone?

Pirated Internet

Thank God there's some retard close by that doesn't have a secured wireless connection.  I don't really have anything to talk about other than they figured out what the hell was wrong with my Nana.  All the medication that they have her on for her other problems, manly her arthritis, has he stomach basically shredded.  It's like bleeding and shit, which is no good, but once they get her meds changed should make her feel a whole lot better.  Hopefully they'll get it all worked out and she'll be out of the hospital on Monday. 

It's Friday night and I'm at home.  No going out for me tonight.  The big kids are staying at a friend's house.  They're probably watching every cable channel they haven't seen in a week and ignoring the kid.  Plus I'm still paying off my debt to Nicole and watching her kid for a little bit. 

I haven't had one single drink since last Friday night.  I'm sorta craving one right now, but I think I'm going to refrain since they say drinking alone is one of the first signs of alcoholism....  Lol, whatever.....

So, that's about it from here.  There's hope for me to salvage my weekend tomorrow night.  I'm invited to a couple of parties (apparently these peeps did't hear about last Friday night.....) and the UFC fight is on.  I'm hoping BJ Penn gets the shit kicked out of him and my boy Frank Mir kicks the crap outta whatever his name is....  We'll see....

Have a good weekend everyone.  Hopefully I'll have something good to write on Monday :)

AT&T I HATE YOU

Ok, perhaps I should have been more diligent in paying my bill, but to tell me that you're not going to turn my phone back on unless I give you the full $1,000 is ridiculous.  Keep the internet and cable turned off until I pay in full, that's fine, but I need my phone.  I'm a single woman with a small child and a car that doesn't always function like it's supposed to.  I've been a loyal customer for HOW MANY YEARS NOW?  Oh yeah, that's right, like 8...... THANK YOU FOR SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME OVER.....

Let me just pull the thousand out of my ass real quick.  Yeah right, I can't even come up with enough money to cover the refinancing on my mortgage this month.  I guess I'm going to lose my phone number because there's no way I can come up with that kind of money before the 18th, unless my kids have no Christmas, my gas and my water get turned off and I don't pay the mortgage.  Like I'm gonna let that happen....

FUCK YOU AT&T and while I'm at it, FUCK YOU FIFTH THIRD BANK....

An Explanation For Just A Curious Wife

Your comment "fucking christ! you STILL call this person a "friend," WHY?? personally, i would kick her ass first THEN never speak to her again.  sorry, that just came out.. i have a zero tolerance policy for shitty friends."

Here's what you guys don't understand.  As shitty as she is to me sometimes, and let me tell you, I could tell you other stories with us that would really have your head spinning, she is my other half.  As totally gay as it sounds (hello Jerry McGuire), she completes me.

She is the one person in my life that gets me.  We've gone years without speaking before and it's torn both of us up.  During those times, we've both made some of the worst decisions we've ever made.  What makes me angry about the whole thing right now is that instead of saying these shitty things to me (like she should have), us slugging it out and the whole fight being over with, she chose to go behind my back and talk shit to the kids.  If there's one thing that the big kids are, it's fiercely loyal to their mom. 

Why does she complete me?  Because if you knew both of us, you'd see that we're so much alike, yet so different.  She balances me out.  When I'm talking all crazy, she's either going to validate what I'm saying or look at me and say "You stupid psycho bitch, get a grip!"  She expects the same out of me.

Over the last couple of months there has been some strain on our relationship though.  Perhaps we crossed a line that we shouldn't have.  It seemed like the thing to do at the time.  I'm not going to go into detail with this one, but if you think hard enough, I'm sure you'll all figure it out.  Ever since then, things have been.... I don't wanna say weird, but we haven't been hanging out as much.

I don't know.  The whole thing just sucks because yeah, she is my best friend.  No matter what shitty things I say about her or she says about me, she'll always be my best friend.  Believe me, if the things that we've been through over the last 14 years weren't enough to tear us apart, this isn't going to.......

 

 

Hair.....

Umm, so I've got nothing interesting to do a whole blog post about today.  So what you're gonna get is hair....

First off, I just wanna say that this whole hair growing out thing is freaking me out.  Look at this. It's me a year ago, pay no attention to my mouth hanging open and my fat face, I was like 6 months preggo at that time.  I know, I know, not a great representation of my hair, but let's just say, the hair band is only holding my bangs out of my face, it's not pulled back or anything.  It was that short.

This one is from a couple of weeks ago.  How the hell does hair grow that fast?????

Eww God, that first picture sucks.  Anyways, when I cut all of my hair off 5 years ago, I never expected to grow it back out again.  Wanna see what it looked like before that?  Ha, I'm gonna show you anyways....

Why the hell this picture won't center, I have no clue.  That's me and my half sister down in Florida.  Anyways, you get my point here.  I cut all my hair off, got rid of anything that had to do with styling your hair and now I'm kinda like......Uhh, ok. I need a hair dryer, curling iron, rollers, straightener, all that shit.  I stole a hair dryer from my mom and bought a set of rollers last weekend, because curly hair is way cute to those of us who have stick straight hair.  The rest of the stuff, maybe Santa will bring me.

When it was short, I didn't have to have all that shit.  To be honest, I washed it, combed it and that was about it.  Well, that's pretty much still what I do, but in order to keep me from cutting it all off again, I have to be able to do something with it.  Some people get tattoos, I cut all my hair off.  I'm not big into things that permanently change your body.  It's just not me.

Ok, so I have no idea where I was going with this whole thing.  I guess I'm just impressed that my hair has grown so quickly.  My mother no longer tells me that I look like a boy, which I really didn't.  I was cute and pixie like, see?

Maybe I'll come up with something more substantial here in a little bit......

Please Keep Her In Your Thoughts.....

Hey Everyone,
If you could please keep my Nana in your thoughts, I would appreciate it.  Apparently she's been sick for quite some time now and hasn't really said anything to anyone about it until last night when she told my grandpa to take her to the hospital because she thought she was dying.  She has been admitted and apparently they're not sure what is causing all of her stomach pain.  She's been popping Percocets like they're candy for a few weeks now because of the pain I guess, because her regular doctor gave them to her, rather than looking for an answer to her issues.

She's only 67, so it's not like she's incredibly old and fragile or anything, but this is my serious issue with living in the country.  In my opinion, medical care IS NOT what it should be in rural areas.  Maybe it's because those doctors aren't constantly barraged with life threatening medical concerns or weird diagnosis, but more often than not, they blow off their patients concerns.  In the big city we can say fuck it and go to another doctor until we're satisfied.  In the country, they can't do that. 

Nana and Papa are the only people that have been there for me my whole entire life.  I'm afraid that if there is something seriously wrong with her and she dies, my grandpa will go too.  They've been married for 51 years and I couldn't picture him getting along without her.

My mom is heading over there tomorrow to find out what the hell is going on.  I know for a fact if she doesn't get the answers that she wants, she will put my Nana in her car and drive her out here to Columbus, where we have some of the finest hospitals in the country.  We are scheduled to have Christmas over there next weekend, which centers around my grandparents house.  They are the glue that holds that side of the family together.  I'm not sure what will happen now, but I'll probably be leaving town as early as possible next Friday to get over there and help out.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot, the picture at the top?  That's our 5 generation picture.  Yeah, I'm still fortunate enough to have my great-grandma still living.  Just another reason why my Nana needs to pull through this.  Her mom still needs her.  The pic is 13 years old, but me & B are the only ones who have changed....  Well maybe my mom, her hair isn't quite that big anymore....

Thanks in advance for any positive thoughts you could send her way.

Soo....What's A Girl To Do?? Part 4

I really do applaud you if you've gotten this far, either you're really bored, or you really don't wanna do any work today.....

Have you ever slept in a tent, indoors or out?  
-Unfortunately
-I’m not an “outdoorsy” girl….

What is your favorite kind of Girlscout cookie?  
-Samoas followed closely by Thin Mints

What do you think of people who do illegal drugs?  
-To each their own….
-Sometimes I wish I had some…

Do you watch the Olympics?  
-Nope

What are your top five favorite stores?  
-Macy’s, Kohls, Michael’s, Best Buy, Walmart..  Ha, those r funny.

What is the strangest thing you’ve ever seen on TV?  
-I don’t know….
-Yes, I do know.  On Dr. 90210 when a woman got surgically turned into a man.  It was so fucking weird….

Have you ever seen the Wedding Singer?  
-Like a million times.  Classic, and the soundtrack rocks too.

What do you miss most about elementary school?  
-Nothing.
-Nothing because I was the socially awkward ugly duckling….

Has anything funny ever happened to you while in Wendy’s?  
-Uhh yeah, I worked there for like 5 years.  I got some stories….

Do looks really matter?  
-Absolutely.  If someone tells you they don’t, they’re lying.

If they don’t like your family or friends, does that really matter?  
-Yeah, it does

Are you more to verbally fight or physically fight?  
-Physically because I can’t express how I feel verbally

Do you consider yourself in shape?  
-Ehh, not really
-Hey, I go to the gym and weigh less now than before I got pregnant this last time

What features do you wish to change about yourself?  
-Too many to list…

Ever sing in front of the mirror?  
-All the time and not just in front of the mirror.  I’d hate to be my neighbors when my windows are open….

Ever believe that there were little green men that take your stuff and hide it while you sleep?
-No, but I believe June bugs will crawl into your ears and turn you into a zombie.

The one person who can drive me nuts is:
Mini Me aka G

What is your bed size:  
-California King

Favorite subject in school:
-Anything art related

Last book you read:
-Slash’s autobiography
-Bastard Husband, A Love Story

Do you prefer cats or dogs:
-neither, but if I had to choose, dogs
-I’m allergic, not an animal hater….

If you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move:  
-Vegas
-Actually, probably Arizona or New Mexico, too many temptations in Vegas

What’s the best feeling in the world:  
-Tripping on shrooms….

Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass or fail:  
-Unfortunately pass
-It would depend on how many panels were in the test….

Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now:  
-I would like to think so, but I doubt it.
-I know someone is

Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in:
-Before, way before.  It takes awhile to get hot

Have you ever brushed your teeth in the shower:
-I do every day.

Your favorite sport to watch:
-College football or G’s soccer

Ever had stitches:  
-Oh yeah, and staples

Would you kiss someone of same sex for $100:
-Hell, if they were hot, I’d do it for free

More of a coffee or alcohol drinker:
-Definitely Alcohol

Ever thrown shoes on a telephone wire:
-No, I’m not that ghetto

Do you snore:  
-Only when I’m drunk

All together, how many people have you kissed:
-Uhh you’re supposed to remember shit like that?

Are you comfortable with your body:  
-Not right now
-Yes, because I read in Cosmo that if a guy really wants to fuck, he really doesn’t care what your body looks like…  Just kidding, well, I did read that, but since I have Body Dysmorphic Disorder, I’ll never be happy with myself.

Whats your stand on gay marriage:  
-Have at it.  I don’t care.  Everyone’s entitled to be happy

What’s the best and worst movie you saw in theaters?  
-Within the last couple of years, Best: The Departed, Worst: Click.  I don’t go to the movies very often.
-This year?  Best – I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell.  Worst?  Inglorious Basterds (yeah, that’s how they spelled it)

Who was the last text message in your phone from?  
-The husband…  Trying to file divorce papers
-Lol, it was a Twitter update from Mejis before it got shut off.

Does your best friend have a boyfriend or girlfriend?  
-No, but she’s got an ex that won’t go away
-No she’s a whorebag with an ex that won’t go away…

Last concert?  
-Live, Counting Crows and Blues Traveler
-Stone Temple Pilots

Are you a cheapskate?  
-Hell no, I like to spend my money.  You can’t take it with you….
-As evidenced by my current financial situation…

Do you trust people?  
-Not generally, been burned too many times

Could you go a day without eating?  
-Sure, but I hear that’s not good for you

When was the last time you had your hair cut?  
-About a month ago
-Oh, about 6 months ago, maybe….

When you go to the beach do you swim or lay out more?  
-Lay out. I don’t swim unless I can see my feet

Can music affect your mood?  
-Oh yeah most definitely

Does the number 23 have any significance to you?
-Well, David Justice (my favorite past time wife beating baseball player) had that # back in the good old days.  David Beckham has it and he is MMM MMM hot….  Oh yeah and Michael Jordan had it, so I guess that would be a yes…

Be honest, do you like people in general?  
-Not really

What color are the walls in your bedroom?  
-Off white
-Burnt Orange & Tan with chocolate trim

SIX have you’s:
Have you ever dated someone twice?  Yeah
Have you ever kissed someone & regretted it? OH YEAH 
Have you ever fallen in love? Where’s “the & regretted it” on this one?  Yes and yes…
Have you ever lost someone? Yes
Have you ever slept until 2pm? Sure
Have you ever been drunk and thrown up?  Oh yeah edited to add...Last weekend, several times..
Laughed until you cried?  
-Why yes, just yesterday as a matter of fact.
-Ok, this didn’t happen yesterday, but recently…


Your Random Thoughts on Things:

Lowering the drinking age?  
-Why not?  If you can die for your country you should be able to have a beer.

Straight, Gay, or Bi?  
-Depends on what day it is

Is there something you want to tell someone?
-Uhh FUCK OFF??!!
-I miss you TONS!!

Your feelings on global warming?
-I guess it sucks, so I don’t use aerosol hairspray anymore.  I’m doing my part

Two of your best friends are fighting. Your reaction?  
-Stay out of it.  Catfights hurt

Would you ever rob a bank?  
-No, I’ve seen what happens
-NO, I’ve lived through what happens to those people….

Your ex’s car breaks down and they ask you for a lift. Your response?  
-Better start walking asshole.

You see someone running around naked in the street. Your reaction?  
-Laugh

UFC. Entertaining or stupid?  
-Very entertaining.  Men beating the hell out of each other is hot

So this was my Tuesday night….  Tonight night I’ll take those pics I owe Mikey, since I won’t have a 3 year old running around……

Soo....What's A Girl To Do?? Part 3

THE STUPID TEST

18 or lower means you’re not stupid.

[x ] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking.
[x] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were NOT talking.
[x] You have ran into a glass/screen door.
[ ]You have jumped out of a moving vehicle.
[x] You have thought of something funny and laughed, then people gave you weird looks.
total=4

[ ] You have ran into a tree.
[x] It IS possible to lick your elbow
[x] You just tried to lick your elbow.
[ ]You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same rhythm.
[ ] You just tried to sing them.
[x] You have tripped on your shoelace and fallen.
[x] You have choked on your own spit.
[ ]You have seen the the Matrix and still don’t get it.
[ ] You didn’t notice that in the last question “the” was spelled twice
[ ] You just looked at it.
[ ]Your hair is blonde/dirty blonde.
[x]People have called you slow.
total so far= 9

[x] You have accidentally caught something on fire
[x] You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose/eyes/cheek.
[x] You have caught yourself drooling.
[x] You’ve fallen asleep in class
[x] If someone says “fart” you laugh.
[x] You just laughed.
total so far= 15

[ ] Sometimes you just stop thinking
[x] You tell a story and forget what you were talking about
[ ] People are often shaking their heads and walking away from you
[x]You are often told to use your “inside voice”.
[x]You use your fingers to do simple math.
total so far=18

[x]You have eaten a bug.
[x]You are taking this test when you should be doing something important
[x] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn’t realize it
[x] You’ve looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand or pocket
total so far= 22

[ ] You sometimes post bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen to you if you don’t even when you know it won’t happen to you.
[x] You break a lot of things.
[ ] Your friends know not to use big words around you
[ ] You sometimes tilt your head when you’re confused
[x] You have fallen out of your chair before
[ ] When you’re laying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture of the ceiling

total so far=24

OK, SO MAYBE I’VE HAD 24 STUPID MOMENTS……  WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I TELL YOU SOME OF THESE THINGS HAVE HAPPENED MORE THAN ONCE?

Soo....What's A Girl To Do?? Part 2

More survey questions....

Has anyone made you cry recently?  
-This is a loaded question anyone who knows me knows the answer…
-Yeah, but it wasn’t the person’s fault I cried, more like the situation

What is bothering you right now?
-There’s not enough space to answer this question.
-That I don’t have the money I need for even a simple Christmas

What are you doing tonight?  
-Prolly just chillin in the hood.
-Re-doing this fucking survey cuz I’m bored

What are you doing tomorrow?  
-Soccer, nap, Jody’s party.  In that order.
-Aww, I remember that night mentioned above…  Wow, seems like a lifetime ago.  I’m going to work tomorrow.

How's your heart lately?  
-Ehh….it’s beating….
-In a better place than it was last year at this time

Have you ever cheated or been cheated on?  
-Cheated yes, cheated on, I don’t think so….

What was the last conversation you had with someone?  
-T and her reckless driving on the way home.
-I’m actually having a conversation with a 3 year old as I do this.  She’s telling me about her eye crusties….

Who is the next person you'll hold hands with?  
-No clue, but it’d be nice.
-I’m sure it’ll be K, even though I don’t recall us ever holding hands….

Do you sleep with the tv on?  
-Yeah, but it’s not a good sleep.
-What’s the point when you don’t have anything on the tv?

Do you think you are old?  
-I don’t think I’m old, but god do I feel old right now…
-Only when I’m trying to hold my own drinking with the 20somethings….

Are you afraid of the dark?  
-Not usually
-Not anymore

Do you like your life right now?  
-Ehh, it’s not bad enough to kill myself…
-As with everyone, there are elements I would certainly change if I could, but I’m in a far better place than I was a year ago….

When's the last time you chose a bath over a shower?  
-Not in a long, long time.  Who wants to sit in their own filth?

Do you have good vision?  
-With my contacts in, yes.

Could you ever forgive a cheater?
-Probably not.  Too many other fish in the sea.

Do you have a job?  
-Really?  Is this a question?  Yeah, and only one right now, I’m proud to report.

Are you friends with your most recent ex?
-Not friends with any ex’s.
-Ok, I take that back, some of the insignificant ex’s from back in the day I’m still friends with.  Actually, I talk to one of them on a weekly basis….

What are you wearing?  
-sweater and jeans.
-Sexy lingerie..   Ha, just kidding, the kids are still awake….

Have you ever been suspended or expelled from school?  
-I had in school suspension once.

Have you ever crawled through a window?
-Yes, recently

Can you handle the truth?
-Yes, I can, the question is…Can you?
-Yes, but sometimes a lie sounds better….

How many hours are you usually on MySpace?  
-Lots.
-Not as many now that I have Facebook and that’s because Mafia Wars is better over there….

How often do you talk on the phone?  
-Out of necessity?  Every day.  Because I want to talk to someone?  Maybe twice a week.
-Lol, not at all right now since it’s turned off….

Are you in a complicated relationship?  
-“There IS NO relationship”
-As much as I’d like to say it’s not complicated, it really is.  Unfortunately in our society, it’s perfectly normal for a man to see someone 11 years younger than them, but when it’s the woman that’s older, there are issues.  I don’t think our relationship could ever be uncomplicated.  But…. Let me just say this, this is the most uncomplicated relationship I’ve had in a long time if that gives you any insight into my fucked up history….

Do you hate more than 3 people?  
-Yeah, and I’d like to see all of them hit by a bus or something.
-Hit by a bus is really too nice.  I really do wish far worse on them…..

Name someone that is on your mind?  
-Not the person you’d think would be given the situation….
-K, I worry about him.  Last week one of the guys he’s on the boat with got all his teeth knocked out, and one of their guys down on the Mississippi fell overboard and died.  It’s a tough job, even for a seasoned professional and he’s only been doing the job for a year.

What time were you born?  
-I have no clue.  My mom had too many kids and I was the first, so she doesn’t remember.

Do you like cheese?  
-Yeah, but being lactose intolerant makes it kinda hard.

Have you made a prank phone call?  
-Well yeah, but I don’t know about recently.

Are you sarcastic?  
-It’s my middle name.
-Ha, that was funny…

Have you ever slapped someone?  
-Slapping is for girls, I prefer to tell you how I feel with a punch to the gut or face.

Do you use chap stick?  
-Obsessively.

Do you own something from Hot Topic?  
-Well yeah, I like their slutty clothes.  Spencers has the best pimp hats tho.
-Really, besides hats, I don’t think I do…

Do you own a gun?  
-No, guns suck.
-I should have said no, guns scare me.  It’s not because I don’t know how to use them, I do.  B’s dad used to sleep with one under his pillow which scared the hell out of me…

Ever thought you were in love?  
-Well yeah, but turns out that’s not what it was, it was gas.
-Yeah, twice.  Both of them broke my heart in very different ways….

When was the last time you cried?  
-Oh jeez. I was gonna say not for a couple of days, then it happened again…. Damn emotions….
-It’s still only been a couple of days, I’m overly emotional anymore…

Isn't chocolate milk better when you're high?  
-Milk products suck.

Have you ever been in a castle?  
-Probably when we went to Disney as kids…

Do you like your hair color?  
-Uhh, no.  Think I’m gonna dye it purple or something just for a shock.
-Uhh, it’s red right now, that’s what I get for using the cheap shit….

Do you like your hair style?  
-Yeah, but it needs cut and I don’t have $40.
-Still needs cut, but these days I can go to Great Clips

Are you closer to your mother or father?
-My dad’s a dickhead, so I’ll have to say my mom

Did you like your high school guidance counselor?  
-I don’t even know who it was…  Maybe with some guidance back then I wouldn’t have turned out the way I am…..

Do you have any scars?  
-Uh yeah, a lot of them, probably more emotional than physical.
-My coolest one is now gone, it was a star that I thought would be cool to burn into myself off of a candle holder while high about 13 years ago, but time has worn it off.  I have a great one that goes from my big toe onto my foot and it used to look like a worm.

Relationships or one night stands?  
-Neither….
-Both?

Have you seen all the Rocky Movies?
-Oh yeah, multiple times

Soo....What's A Girl To Do?? Part 1

So, my cell phone, cable and internet at home are all turned off.  This is what I get for deciding that combined billing through AT&T would be the easiest way to pay my bill.  Perhaps it would have been if I would have actually paid the bill.  You know what?  It's their own damn fault.  This shit got outta control and they let it go far longer than they should have.  Now I owe them $1000.  Damn.  That's a lot of money...  BUT, after living one night without any of the technology that makes my life so much more interesting, I'm scheming ways to get it turned back on.  I at the very least need my phone.  I have three laptops that I need to work on tonight and sell.  That should help out a bit.  Everyone buys laptops.  Anyways, I was going through some of my writing last night, looking for the file that holds what is someday going to be my very own movie on the Lifetime channel and came across a survey that I did right about this time last year.  Some of the questions are the same as they were when I posted the big long random survey back in August.  Here's the fun part though.  I looked at my answers from a year ago, left them on there and then if I felt a need to change an answer, I added the new answer below the first one.  I'll break it up into sections, because it is SUPER LONG, but amusing if you've got nothing better to do this afternoon.  HAPPY HUMP DAY EVERYONE!!

Pick a word that starts with the first letter of your first name?
-turd, heh, it’s not in the spell check dictionary…

Is there anyone that you care more about than yourself?
-Sure
-Yes, as a matter of fact, I usually put too many other people before me

How has this past week been for you? 
-uhh….better than last week I guess….

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
-Absolutely, sometimes it takes awhile to figure out the reason though…

Who are you disappointed in right now?
-no comment
-NP, he’s been a real douchebag pain in the ass

Have you ever broken someone's heart?  
-I’m sure back in the day….

Is there a reason for your MySpace song?
-Uhh yeah, all the songs on my playlist have reasons.

Do you do your own laundry?  
-Well, I haven’t seen the laundry fairy lately, so yes.

How many months until your birthday?
-7

What are you listening to?  
-TV
-iPod

Are you happy?  
-I try to be….Sometimes it’s hard

Are you good at giving directions?  
-Most of the time…

What is your favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?
-celery

Have you had more than three boyfriends/girlfriends at the same time?  
-I don’t think so, but back in those days things were pretty foggy….

Is a best friend/boyfriend/girlfriend or ex pissing you off at the moment?
-Right now the people pissing me off aren’t “best” or “ex” anything….
-Yeah, I’m pissed at my “best” friend

Where are you currently?
-home

If you were upset, who's the first girl you would go to?  
-Usually unless she’s not picking up her phone.
-Nobody, I’d write about it and my blog readers would make me feel better

Who woke you up this morning?
-Unfortunately not a hottie, but my alarm clock.
-Unfortunately not MY hottie, but my alarm clock

Have you ever seen the movie "Little Miss Sunshine"?  
-Yes, this movie is fucking hilarious….

Ever had a crush on someone and you stayed up all night thinking about them?
-I ain’t got time for that…
-Yes, it’s totally gay, but I have…..

Ever meet someone on myspace and then met them in real life?  
-I don’t think so…
-No, my MySpace is only my closest friends, where I can write unrestricted, well… for the most part anyway

Do you talk 2 people that u don't know when u r out & about?
-Not usually.  My mom told me not to talk to strangers.

How long does it take for you to get ready in the morning?
-Not as long as most bitches…

Do you play any instruments?
-No, I’m not musically inclined.

Are you wearing perfume/cologne?
-Not right now.  I’m at home alone, so sense in wasting it….

Ever been to a concert?  
-This is a dumb question.  Can someone please let me know if you haven’t been to a concert and I’ll pull you out of the hole you’re living in?

What time is it?
-7:30 pm, I’m a loser
-9:30 pm, I’m still a loser

Favorite color?
-Black

Ever been in a car wreck?  
-I backed into a drunk driver once…..

Ridden a roller coaster?
-Well yeah, they’re my favorite at the amusement parks.

Have you ever been up in the Eiffel Tower?  
-Uhh no…  That would violate my no leaving the country rule…

Favorite fruit?  
-Pineapple
-Kiwi is really my favorite, but when I eat it, my throat swells shut

What is your favorite song currently?
-TI and Rhianna, Just Live Your Life
-Fall Out Boy – The (Shipped) Gold Standard

How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking?
-Probably far too much.

How long ago did you hug someone?  
-It’s been quite awhile.
-I hug my kids everyday, but it’s been 14 days since I got a good hug…

Do you find it easier to forgive or forget?
-    Neither… But I guess it depends on the situation.

Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?
-Well sure, it’s usually funny.

Did you have a good day yesterday?
-It was ok.
-It was better than today

When was the last time you bought something?
-Something good?  It’s been awhile.  Necessities, yesterday.

Are you high?  
-No, but it’s certainly easier to cope when you are, isn’t it?
-No, but I wish I was….

Are you dating the last person you kissed?  
-Uhh no.
-Lol, still true, I have wandering lips….

Do you think you are a good person?
-I try, but obviously some people don’t see it that way.

Do you still talk to the person who hurt you the most?
-Fuck no, cut those people out of your life.

What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?  
-I’m boring, watched my last DVR episode of Ultimate Fighter
-Still boring, I watched everything saved on my DVR because I knew it was getting cutoff today

Was your last kiss sober?
-Probably not…..
-Definitely not….

Do you like the person you are becoming?
-I’m ok with who I’ve become.

Are there things you can't live without?  
-Well yeah, but I’m coping with that…
-This question should read “Are there things you’re living without”  Yes, there are, I’m doing my best, but sometimes there’s no substitute for the real thing…..

Are you a morning person or a night person?
-Not really either one.  I guess night if I gotta say something.

Have you ever kissed in the rain?  
-This question is gay, I don’t know….

When was the last time you were on an airplane?
-May 6th, 2008

Do you still turn to your parents for advice or comfort?
-Not usually.  That’s why I have good friends.
-Never, they’re not comforting people…..

What can't you wait for?  
-Umm….  Getting my normal Friday night drunk dial booty call..  It’s amusing and never fails to happen.
-Ahh, I remember those days….Drunk booty calls,  not anymore…  I’m waiting another 16 days so I don’t have to spend the holidays alone….

Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?  
-Well yeah and if you say you haven’t, you’re lying.
-Lots and lots of things….

Do you get jealous easily?
-Not usually.

Does anyone hate you?  
-I’m sure they do.  Do I care?  No….

Does anyone know your password besides you?  
-Uhh, I don’t know, maybe.

Do you know anyone that smokes pot?  
-Well yeah.

Do you have tan lines?  
-No because I can’t tan right now and haven’t seen sun in weeks..
-No because my tanning place went bankrupt and took my money with them……

Parts two and three to follow....

Lessons Learned....

What did I learn Friday night?  Well obviously that I need to train harder to be the competitive drinker that I know I am.

But if you'll remember from the beginning of the story, I said Tara and I are fighting.  Why are we fighting?  Because she's not a good friend.  Awhile back you'll remember that she spilled the beans about something I didn't want shared.  Friday night?  She ditched out on me, said she was hanging over at those people's house, then went to the local watering hole where she spent her evening.  This is the second time she's done this to me.  She was the first person that my sister called to come and get me.  Her response?  "She can find her own ride home".

Then what did she go and do?  She went to my house to "check" on my kids and instructed them that if the baby woke up, they were to call her immediately, then proceeded to drunkenly talk shit about me to my kids.  Yeah, real fucking nice.  My kids are old enough to stay home and they're old enough to keep an eye on the baby.  I wait until he's sleeping before I go anywhere for a reason, once he's down, he's down.  Sure he wakes back up at some point, but they know how to make a bottle and plug it into his mouth and he falls right back to sleep.  Saturday night he went to bed at 8:00 and didn't get back up till 7 the next morning.

I can say with certainty that Nicole is my one "true" friend.  It was midnight, she had just gotten off work and picked up her kid and she drives all the way up there to get me, makes sure I get home and then takes me to get my car the next day.  That's a friend.  Sure, she made fun of the situation, but who could resist?  If it wasn't me, I woulda thought it was terrifically funny!

Saturday night Tara had the nerve to text me to see what I was doing that night.  I didn't respond.  Finally she texted me again and I replied, you should know better than to talk shit about me to my kids....  She doesn't even remember what she said.  Funny, considering both my kids remembered exactly what she said.  Whatever.  I just really don't need all that right now, so I'm just gonna lay low and do what I gotta do to get through this holiday season.  Kyle comes back in a little over two weeks and honestly, I don't care if we go out or do anything, I just wanna chill with him, laying around doing nothing together.  That would make me happy right now, seeing as my friends totally suck.  Well, with the exception of Nicole, who I'd help out anytime......

Now Boarding..... Train Wreck Central

Ugg, I'm a bad person.  Ever have one of those nights that you just want to totally take back and make it so they didn't happen?  That was me on Friday night.  I shoulda stayed home and video chatted with Kyle, but NOOOOOO, I HAD to go out.  Now my sister's pissed at me, Tara and I are fighting, the hot soccer coach thinks I'm a drunk idiot and probably 200 people at the bar will refer to me from here on out as "The Girl That Puked All Over The Bar."  Ugg....  I have learned a valuable lesson though, which we may or may not get to in this post....

So yeah, Friday night.....  Gavin had soccer until 9:15.  I, like all the other soccer parents enjoyed my road pop while the kids trained for an hour.  When I got back home, I discovered that my friends had decided to spend their Friday night in (or so I thought) at someones house that I don't care for.  Well fuck, I thought, I'm going to go out anyway.  Remember, I spent the whole Thanksgiving weekend in the house with no money....  I needed out of the house.  I had texted hot soccer coach (from now on known as HSC) to see why he ditched out on training early.  His response?  I'm at your sister's bar.  Uhh ok.  I figured I'd head up there, at least I knew he'd be there, plus my sister was there.  That's cool.

I got everyone settled and headed up.  It's not close to my house, probably about a 20 minute drive during ideal conditions.  I was gonna have a couple of drinks, enjoy the band and probably try to get into HSC's  pants.  He violates pretty much every rule I have about guys, but there's just something about him....  I get all dolled up and am out the door looking totally cute, so he understands that just because I come to practice in sweats and a hat doesn't mean I don't clean up well.  I continue with my road pop on the way up there.  Once I get to the bar, I take off my big winter coat (who wants to walk around lugging that thing anyway?) and put my purse under the seat so I only have my phone, keys and smokes.  Good to go, I get out of the car and head in.  I flash my VIP pass so I don't have to pay and detour around the bar to the restroom to make sure I still look good.  Ok cool, I did.

Walking from the restroom to the bar, I spot my sister.  She looks surprised to see me.  I always call or text in advance of going up there to be sure to have a table for me.  We talk for a minute, she buys me a drink and I spot HSC sitting at the other end of the bar.  I head on over to him.  We talk, he's there with his friend that lives right around the corner.  I decide to buy a round of shots for the three of us.  I tell the bartender to make us whatever and when he comes back, it's obviously something with Goldschlager in it.  Ugg, not ideal, but whatever.  Apparently while I was ordering those, his friend was ordering Jagerbombs.  We did my shot, then we did the bombs.  I'm still sipping on the drink my sister bought me.  At some point we decided that it would be better to go outside so we could smoke.  Me, being as stupid as I was about not bringing a coat in, freezes my ass off.

Then it happened.  I went from having a nice buzz, to being totally derailed, train wreck central .  The rest of these events have been chronicled to me by Nicole, via my sister.  I laid my head down on the table outside pretty much incoherent.  Eventually I managed to say that I was cold and my sister brought me out her $300 North Face coat.  Somehow I ended up back inside sitting at the bar where I kept being poked at for laying my head down on the bar.  I just needed to rest.  Then I puked all over the bar... Like on the bar top.  Then I puked on the floor at my feet. After that, I was hoisted up and kicked out of the bar.

Luckily my sister had called Nicole, who was just getting off work and she was pulling up to the bar at the exact time they escorted me out.  I was loaded into the car, my seatbelt fastened and we were out of there.  Nicole, ever the cautious one because she drives even though she doesn't have a driver's license, takes the back roads home.  I hung my head out the window the entire ride home puking and wiping my face on my sister's jacket.....

Somehow Nicole got me in the house and into my bed, making sure I was sleeping on my side as not to choke on my own vomit or tongue as I slept.  I woke up at 7am to Ev crying, finding myself still drunk and fully clothed, including boots.  There were big chunks of mud all over my bed.  I got up and gave the kid a bottle and went back to sleep until 9 when Nicole called to make sure I hadn't died in my sleep.

I gave her a WTF happened?  She recounted all that my sister had told her.  How the hell had I derailed like that?  This may sound stupid of me to say, but I didn't have that much alcohol.  When I walked in I was a little less than sober, but one drink and two shots should have never made that happen.  I've been pukey drunk before, but I have NEVER blacked out.

I texted both my sister and HSC and apologized immediately.  I had to see HSC later on at the game and I didn't want it to be weird.  His text back was "Hey, we've all been there, no worries".  Well, that didn't exactly make me feel better, but at least he wasn't like "Bitch, never talk to me again", because quite honestly, I probably got some puke on him, after all, he was sitting right next to me.  My sister?  Not so forgiving.  She cleaned up the mess I made.  Yet another sister causing a fiasco at her bar.  Oops.  She told me she wanted her coat back TODAY.  Uhh, ok.  I took a look at the coat.  Luckily me wiping my mouth on it had done minimal damage and the mess cleaned right up.  Thank God North Face has the sense to make their expensive coats able to be cleaned with a washcloth and some soap.

While I was talking to Nicole I realized that my car keys were nowhere to be found.  FUCK!!!  My purse was in the car with $800 in cash in it....  I didn't give a shit that someone might steal my car, hell, they can have the piece of shit, but as soon as I remembered the money, I freaked out.  Nicole said that she told me my keys were missing before we left the bar, but I was having no part of her going back in to find them, so she brought me home.  I texted my brother-in-law to see if he had found them this morning.  An hour later when he decides to text me back, he said he had them.  Ok cool.  Nicole took me up there to retrieve my car and then we went to get some hangover breakfast.

Breakfast sat like a lump just at the base of my esophagus all day, threatening to make me puke again, but I managed to hold my own all day.  We went to soccer, which was just a little weird, then I came back home and took a nap.  My plans Saturday night?  Video Chat with Kyle, which is exactly what I did, with one minor exception.  Since Nicole had rescued me the night before, I had to watch her kid all night.  She's 3, so it was an easy night.  Sometime after 3 Nicole came in and crawled into my bed and passed out.  I probably wouldn't have noticed except for earlier in the night, I had an allergy attack and was still really stuffed up, so I wasn't sleeping all that well.

I got up around 10 on Sunday.  I had lots to do.  The survey company in town had called me early on Friday night and I had actually qualified to do an in home survey with them.  The interviewer was supposed to be at my house at 3.  I dropped Ev off at his grandma's around noon and got a weird call on my cell phone.  It was my interviewer and he was already in the area, could I do it early?  Well sure, let me get home.  I get home, finish the last of the picking the house up and he arrives.  HELLLLLLLLLO.  Hot damn!  He's good looking.  What was supposed to be an hour of talking about me, my educations and why I'm thinking about going back to school only took about 20 minutes.  When he was done, he said he was really impressed with my answers and that it took a short amount of time because he didn't have to ask me the same questions 5 different ways.  I was pleased and was about to say "Would you like a date with this fabulously articulate lady?"  But alas, I refrained.  He left me with my $100 cash for completing the interview and just like that, another hottie disappears.....

I promptly took the money and spent it and am kicking myself in the ass today about it.  Oh well, I made a payment on the snowboards and bought birthday cards for my stepdad.  It's not like I drank it away......

I left out a major piece of the story from Friday night, anyone wanna guess what it was?  It goes right along with the lesson I learned, and no, I didn't learn my lesson about drinking, there was something else.......