I Firmly Believe.....

That people who aren't getting laid on a regular basis are angry all the time.  Self pleasure doesn't count here either for whatever reason.  My kids hate me right now, I'm surprised Kyle is even talking to me and Ev's grandma finally knows that she bugs the living shit out of me.  Why?  Because I'm an angry person.  I'm not getting any on a regular basis right now and I really do think that's what maintains my sanity.  You know, all those hormones and endorphins that are released...  They must be my Valium.... 

Anyways, sorry I've been gone for a few days.  I didn't do anything at all over the weekend except go and buy the kids new winter coats. Boy that was a treat....  I got good deals though and they really needed them, so I guess it's good that it's all out of the way.  Too bad they didn't wear them to school today.  It was in the mid 40's when we left this morning and now it's about 25.  It's gonna be a cold walk home for them this afternoon....

So, why am I so angry today?  Well, it's been festering since yesterday.  Sunday night I didn't get any sleep again because little Satan woke up every 20 minutes screaming like someone was chopping his leg off.  I assumed it was his teeth bothering him, so I was a little disappointed when both Oragel and Tylenol did nothing for the situation.

Fast forward to yesterday afternoon when I picked him up.  I asked if he slept all day, since obviously he didn't sleep at night.  They said no, he was upset all day and apparently dirtying diapers left and right with corn.  Yeah, whole kernels of corn..... Funny, I don't feed my kid table food.....  Daycare sure as hell doesn't.  I called my mom just to make sure that she didn't and of all the things I can accuse my mom of doing, going against what I specifically ask her not to do isn't one of them.  So that only leaves the one other person that he was with this past weekend.  The other grandma.  He was with her all afternoon on Sunday.  Now you all know that I've been stewing over the whole her feeding him Thanksgiving dinner thing and also about having to constantly rearrange my plans to accommodate them and their wanting to include us in their family.  Yesterday sent me over the fucking edge.

Here's the email that I sent her, unedited, with the exception of removing names and email addresses.  Oh yeah I'm also replying to an email she sent me about his next visit with them:

Yeah, next Tuesday, that's fine.  What's more concerning to me at this point is that I was up all night yet again with a child that was waking up from a sound sleep every 20 minutes screaming like someone was chopping his leg off.  I chalked it up to being his teeth until I picked him up at daycare today only to hear that he dirtied 3 different diapers with WHOLE chunks of corn.  Being as you were the only other person he's been with this weekend, I can only assume that you fed him table food again after I asked you not to. 

I don't care that this is what you did with your kids or that it's probably what my mom did with us.  It's the fact that I asked you not to and you did it anyway.  I'm the one that has to get up all night long with the kid and still go to work the next day.  I'm having a hard enough time with all the teeth that he's getting keeping him up all night that I don't need any more unnecessary issues.  I haven't had more than two full night's sleep since the kid was born, so at this point, I'm trying to get all I can.  I don't need this.

I've got more than enough on my plate trying to do a holiday juggling act with no money, no sleep and my house and utilities hanging by a thread.  I'm trying to accommodate everyone's holiday requests of us being all over the place and I'm just tired.  You know what I want for Christmas?  Peace and quiet just like I had at Thanksgiving. 

I appreciate you guys making every effort to include us in your family, really, I do, but it's not necessary.  I wasn't married to your son, hell I wasn't even dating him.  He was just another casualty in my long list of things that never should have happened.  You don't have to treat us like we're part of your family, when we're not and will never be.  Ev is your family and you're more than welcome to see him whenever, as I've made that clear all the long.  Just as long as when I make a request you follow through with it.  This whole table food thing has me incredibly angry right now. 

I'm actually dreading the fact that Noah may be at your house on Christmas Eve.  I don't really want to be there, even though he acts all cordial around me.  That's your family time and I feel like an intruder, probably just as Noah felt when he left my house last year on Christmas Eve.  The last thing I want is to make the situation more awkward.  I'll bring Evan over if that's what you want to do and bring our gifts for everyone, since I said I'd do that, but I just don't feel like it's my place to be in your family's holiday.

I guess that's it right now, I don't know, I'm just so tired it's hard to make sense of anything anymore. 
 
I wasn't expecting a reply until sometime tonight because she's doing some sub work for the schools, so imagine my surprise when I open my email this morning and get this:

I tried to call you.  Your phone said that you were not accepting calls so I don't know if that means your phone is still not in service or that you are in bed as it is 10:00 p.m.   I just happened to check my email before I went to bed and found yours.
 

    I just want to make this perfectly clear.  We did NOT give any food to Ev at all this Sunday.  All he had was his formula. We ourselves didn't even have a meal while he was here.  And when we did give him table food at Thanksgiving we did not give him any corn.  We didn't even have corn ourselves.  We only gave him mashed potatoes and some pumpkin pie with whip cream.  However I distinctly remember that the vegetable baby food that you sent was Sweet Potato with Corn.  I remember this because Jodi and I were surprised that they put corn in baby food as corn is one of the most non digestible foods there is. That is why when even adults eat corn, it pretty much comes out just like it went in.  So, maybe you better look at what was in the baby food jars you have been feeding him the past few days.  And if the baby food you have been giving him hasn't had corn in it, then I don't know what to tell you except that it was not us that gave him table food.  

 I would never go against what you had asked whether I agreed with you or not and I am insulted that you would think I would and that you just jumped to the conclusion that it had to be us without even asking.  And frankly don't you feel that E has always had some trouble with digesting even his formula before you even started him on baby food?  I've seen him tense up, cry, and scrunch up his legs on occasions when he is trying to poop and at those times his poop would come out really big and really hard. 

    I am sorry that you are having a rough time right now, but I do not feel this is my fault or that I should be a scapegoat for your anger and unhappiness.  I realize that I am the mother of the "jerk", but I am not Noah and can not be held responsible for the fact that things did not turn out how you had hoped.  Hell, they didn't turn out like I had hoped.  But both you and Noah are responsible for bringing Ev into our lives and we love him.  All we are trying to do is be his grandparents and we thought that including you and the boys would be a good thing.  However, if we were wrong, what's new?.  

    Whether Noah is in town or not, he will not be here on Christmas Eve.  He has made that very clear.  In fact he was not here on Thanksgiving.  He does not wish to be around Ev until he knows for sure that he is his son.  He has no problem with us grandparenting Ev and even says he has no problem with us being friends and including you and the boys.  But as you seem to find this uncomfortable now so be it.  Yes, please bring Ev over around 5:00 on Christmas Eve.  I know that Jodi has gifts for you and the boys as they drew your names as well as do J***** and I.  You can take them with you when you drop him off.  Since these gifts have already been bought I would appreciate it if you could bring gifts for the three names that were drawn for you as I would hate for those kids to not have a gift in the exchange.  However, if you feel you just can't, let me know and I will contact Jodi. We will figure something out.  In the future we will limit our family to E as you seem to be asking.  

    Again, I will pick up Ev on the 22nd from daycare.  Let me know what time you will be picking him up.

Bullet points are going to make this a whole lot clearer to explain...

1. Yeah, my phone is turned off.  Sometimes you have to choose between the electric and things that are less important.  I wouldn't have answered it even if it was turned on.
2. Not that I asked about Thanksgiving, but you're lying.  You fed him turkey and stuffing too.  In addition, can someone tell me HOW IN THE HELL PUREED CORN WOULD TURN ITSELF INTO KERNELS????? This is just fucking ridiculous.....
3. Yeah, my kid had problems with formula.  We straightened that all out and now that he's eating baby food, the problems are even less than they were.  What's your point?
4. Jerk?  No, your son is a fucking dickhat.  NEVER did I want to be in a relationship with him.  He was too fucked up even for me to deal with.  I just wanted him pay some child support and go away.  Now you have me hoping that it's not even his kid so that I never have to deal with ANY of you again.
   
5. No, Noah will be at the bar on Christmas Eve drinking himself into a stupor as usual, I'm sure.  It doesn't change the fact that I feel like I'm intruding on your family time.
6. Yes, I will buy the fucking gifts because you signed me up for this damned exchange without telling me that I'd have three names and it'd cost me $75.  Can't really change that now without me looking like a total asshole, now can I?
7. Yeah, I'll pick him up after work on the 22nd, please take care to toss him out the door promptly at 5:15 so I don't have to come inside and deal with you....

So I don't know how I'm going to respond to her email.  I think I'm gonna wait a couple of days and simmer down a little bit.  Obviously I've angered her, because I'm accusing, but HELLO??? If he wasn't with anyone else, who's the logical person who did it?????  Opinions anyone?