I Hope You Had A Merry/Happy Whatever You Celebrate

You like that?  Kind of politically correct, but not really......  Me?  Well I guess the holiday was ok.  I did manage to get away with not putting out a single Christmas decoration, much to my mother's displeasure.  Apparently since E will be old enough to be excited about Santa Claus I have to put up a tree next year....  We'll just see about that when the time comes I guess. 

What did you get for Christmas?  Well, I got an assortment of clothes that I picked out for my mom to buy me, a waffle maker (lol, I asked for it), more clothes my mother picked out from my kids, a new bed in a bag that I picked out and some random other stuff not as exciting as all the stuff I already knew I was getting.....  Whoop dee fucking do.  This might be the only time of year that I actually miss having an insignificant other.  I mean besides the $100 alarm clock for my birthday, which I believe was the precursor to our divorce, the ex-husband was pretty damn good at gift giving.  Ehh, I guess I'd rather not get gifts than have to deal with bullshit. 

Other than all that, my old stalker, which I don't even remember if we've talked about, brought me homemade salsa, homemade jerky and apparently homegrown pot.  Yes, marijuana.. WTF?  This is the second time he has done this.  I have no idea why he would be under the impression that I get high, but it's whatever I guess....  I think I'll re-gift it to stalker #1, who spends his life high.  I'm sure he would enjoy it.  Speaking of stalker #1, apparently he also has a Christmas gift for me.  I'm not sure why he didn't just bring it to the bar when I saw him on Thursday night.  Then we could have gotten that out of the way and I wouldn't have to see him again.  Apparently I couldn't get that lucky....

How lucky did I get Thursday night? 

Well, see that?  It's a huge fucking bruise.  Sorry it's not a better picture.  It's damn hard to take a decent picture of the side of your head. 

Sandi, the receptionist at my work and one of my favorite people to hang out with, picked me up at my house around 5pm Thursday night.  Our intention was that I was going to accompany her to a Christmas/Birthday party, then she would drop me off at my regular Thursday night spot.  Well, that was all fine and dandy.  We even made an extra stop to see our friend Amber, who I've known since I was like 15.  Hers were probably the first set of fake boobs that I ever saw in real life when she came back to where I was hanging out one time with her nipples pierced and just had to show them to me.  God that was a long time ago.....

We had fun, but soon it was time for me to get back to my side of town.  Sandi dropped me off at the spot and I was perfectly content sitting there by myself for a few.  My plan was to hang out then call my chauffeur to come and get me.  Apparently the planets were misaligned and ready for all hell to break loose. 

I walk in the bar and my friend Chocolate Bear is sitting in my normal spot along the bar.  He has a drink ready for me.  Awesome....  It's 10pm and I'm probably 4 drinks and 3 shots into my night.  Not a bad pace... 

Some other regulars/friends begin to come in and everyone is having a good time.  I have a couple of drinks matched up nicely with a couple of shots.  I turn around to see that Stalker #1 has showed up.  Fucking fabulous.  We exchange pleasantries and I ignore him like usual.  My friends Raven and Lauren walk in and I barely notice because I'm in the middle of not 1, not 2, but 3 amusing text conversations.  Raven and I do a shot and I buy the girls a drink.  Tom, the singer of the band that's there brings me my cd's I asked him for.  He and I do a shot.  Josh walks in.  Fuck.  He had texted me earlier trying to ask where I was and I fucked around with him for a good half an hour before telling him where I was.  Truth be told, he's been trying to see me for like 2 weeks now.  I've been a good girl and stayed away.  My defenses were down though on Thursday night and when he found me, I was having far too much fun toying with the other boys at the bar to give him much consideration.  He didn't like that apparently. 

At one point, I feel someone grab my coat off the back of my chair.  Some strange guy was walking off with my coat and scarf, WTF?  I go after him and confront him.  He isn't liking belligerent Tara.  Actually, he's pissed and not giving me my coat back.  I go to turn around and sic one of the boys on him and he punches me in the back of the head.  By this point, everyone on my side of the bar has seen the scene I'm making.  Three of my friends hop up off their bar stools and the coat stealer receives a beat down, then an escort out of the bar.  I belly back up to the bar and order another drink and shot.  I do the shot, tell the bartender to watch my drink and go to take a phone call outside.  It's Chip.  He's concerned because I stopped texting him.  I tell him what just happened and cry for a minute, because damn, as it sinks in for a minute, I realize, that hurt.  It still hurts today.  That asshole managed to catch me on the back of my ear, all the way down to where your neck meets your skull.  What.the.fuck?  First of all, what kind of douchebag sucker punches a girl?  I didn't lay a hand on that asshole.  All I wanted was MY coat.  Second of all, why the hell did he have to have such bad aim?  Damn it that hurt.

Chip is pissed because in his mind, he should have been there, because this is the week he was supposed to be in town.  I manage to let him know who I'm with (he knows most of them) and he seems slightly relieved that business was handled.  I regain my composure, tell him that I'll call him when I get home and go back into the bar.  Josh has disappeared.  As a matter of fact, Josh stood back and watched the whole thing go down.  Nice.  Way to show me how much you supposedly love me asshole.  Raven and Lauren have also left.  Ok, whatever.  More shots and more drinks are consumed as I try to numb the pain in my head/ear.  I finally get to that point and I'm having fun again.  People start to dwindle and all the sudden it's bar closing time.  I have two choices of how to get home because my chauffeur isn't answering his phone.

Choice one, I get in the car with Stalker #1 and his friend.  His friend is a decent guy and I know that I'll get home ok, but perhaps not without Stalker #1 trying to get in my pants.  Ugh.

Choice two, (the other) Tara's ex-husband, who is going to the neighborhood after he drops the barback off at home.  Not a chance in hell he'll try anything with me.

Of course I picked choice two.  Choice two was not the most wise one.  We ended up getting pulled over on the way to take the barback home.  Ugh.  He's already had like 4 DUI's.  Great.  The barback throws open the door and makes a run for it.  Fucking wonderful.  Me and the ex are grilled about the other guy.  No, I didn't know that he was wanted in Florida.  No, I don't know why he ran.  The ex gets hauled away for another DUI and I'm left without a ride since a.) I don't have a license and b.) they're impounding his car.

For the second time in a month, I'm taxied home by the police.  I can only hope that none of my neighbors are up at 4am to see this bullshit go on.  Actually, it was the same cop who took me home the first time taking me home again.  Ugh.  He was happy to see that I wasn't driving though, so I guess it's a win. 

I get in the house and the chauffeur is laying in bed.  I get an "It's 4am, where the hell have you been?"  to which I replied "Well, if you would answer your fucking phone, perhaps I wouldn't have been taxied home by the police again."   He looks at his phone and sees that he missed several calls from me and apologizes.  I recount the night to him and he's pissed.  I ask why he didn't come out and he tells me he was giving me space.  Great.  The one night I didn't need space and he decides to give it to me.  Ugh, why can't we get on the same wavelength?  I crawl into bed and pass out.  Unfortunately I have to be up at 8am to get E out the door with his dad in the morning....

Guess what else happened this weekend?  Absofuckinglutely nothing.  E left, I decided to bake, went to church, hung out at my mom's, got up at 10:15 the next morning, watched kids open presents, picked up E, went to mom's, watched more present opening, E left, went home, played with the kids new Kinect for Xbox 360, went to bed, spent all day Sunday in bed with the exception of a trip to the store for liquor and cigarettes.....  Told ya, not real interesting.... 

I hope your holiday didn't include a punch in the head, but was more interesting than mine :)  Happy Monday everyone!

Because I'm Not "Sober"

If you didn't see this on the 2009 VMA's, you really missed out.  It's a shitty quality video, but the best I could find since it looks like MTV doesn't have their posting of the video anymore......  I <3 P!nk and I <3 this song on so many levels......  Seriously.

Spend Some Time....

Ahh Eminem, yet again you have the perfect song name for a post.  You never let me down.  Because it's all about wanting to spend some time and quite honestly, this song kind of hits the nail on the head about wanting to spend time with someone, but not let them get close for fear of the potential disappointment.....



So in the last post we talked about people that are physically around me.  In this one, let's talk about the ones that aren't...  It's much easier for me to have a relationship with someone who isn't physically here.  Take Chip for example.  He lives like, oh I don't know, in Arkansas, however far that is away from Ohio.  Yeah, I'm a little geographically challenged at this point in the night.  We went to high school together briefly and then he moved away.  Honestly, I don't remember him from high school.  He's best friends with Cameron, who we've talked about before, on multiple occasions.....  He and I talk on the phone every day.  We text back and forth several times a day.  Honestly?  I totally have a thing for him....  Why?  Because he's not here in my face every day.  He's at a safe distance.  We can talk about whatever, whenever.  He's blatantly honest with me and I am back to him.  He was supposed to be here from last weekend until New Years, but ended up not being able to come.  I'm not going to lie, I'm disappointed he couldn't come up here....  I did want to see if our connection in person is as strong as it is over the phone and via text, because he knows exactly the right thing to say at any point in time to make me feel like a million dollars....  Plus, it was only two weeks, right about the time I'd get sick of him anyway. 

The other one, well, I don't even know how to describe it....  You know that person that you meet one day and totally get along with right off the bat even if you're completely opposite at the time?  The person that you could see yourself with, for an abundance of reasons, but the circumstances will never be right?  The person who is probably your long lost other half?  Yeah, I have one of those.  I've known him for a long time and back when we used to spend one day a month together, I'd look forward to those days, even if it was work related.  Unlike Chip, I know there is a physical thing there..... It seems that we've always been in the back of each others minds, but like I said, circumstance are, and never will be right.  Yet last month, quite by accident, or maybe not, he physically inserted himself back into my life after years of not hearing anything from him.  Part of that is my fault that we lost touch.  Thanks yet again Facebook.... It happens, life gets in the way unfortunately....

Am I happy he's back in my life now?  Well yeah, just like Chip, he provides me with something that I need....  Something that I'm not apparently getting in my every day life.  Something that I haven't had in.....  Well, I don't even know how long.....  All I have to do is look at my phone and see a message from him and it makes me smile no matter what it's about.  Most times it's the best part of my day.  Unlike Chip and pretty much all of the others, this person is intellectually above me.  Some days he gives me more to think about than I want to, which I need on occasion.  Some days it's fruitless banter back and forth between the two of us and it amuses me because we're both in this emotionally retarded state. I think it's good for both of us at this point in time.

Has he witnessed my retardedness first hand?  Yeah, on several occasions, now that I think about it.  But you know what?  He doesn't judge me for the dumb shit and I give him the same common courtesy... It's not easy for a lot of people to do and he seems to be able to handle it well, even if from a distance....

Part of me wishes he was closer so that I'd know for sure, but we all know how I am.... I'd manage to fuck it up somehow....... 

In any case, I'm glad he's back in my life, at whatever capacity..... It's what I need...... But at the same time I feel like this song might be appropriate....



Because after all, it was only just a dream.....

I Kind Of Always Knew....

.....I'd end up your ex-girlfriend (No Doubt).  It's kind of funny, back when I was going to school, I was dating a guy who made me a mix cd and that song was on it.  I'd never heard it before, but I thought it to be an odd choice to put on a cd for someone you are trying to hang out with and get to know better, let alone maybe spend some long term time.

I don't even remember what happened with me and that particular boy to be quite honest.  I probably got bored, mostly because he was normal and normal isn't something that I'm really into.  I still have the song on my iPod and whenever I hear it I think about how I'm the ex-girlfriend of, quite honestly, a lot of people.  Some of them quite honestly more interesting than others, but lots of life lessons learned for sure.  I actually think that I want to take a more focused turn to write something more permanent in their honor.  You know, categorize them and account for what I learned from the more memorable ones.  Part of my memoirs I suppose.  It would be far too long to be a chapter though.  More along the lines of a long story or a short book.  Something meant for light reading that pretty much anyone could relate to.  If I could only find the time to sit my ass down and actually do it.  I should have plenty of time over the next year though, being as my driving privileges have been suspended for at least that long.... It's whatever I suppose....

Let's get down to it though.  I was sitting here the other night fixing my parents computer for the hundred millionth time and Ex-Girlfriend came on.  You guys have read about my "dating" mishaps and all the rest of the drama that's gone on for the last year and a half or so.  Believe me, that isn't the half of it.....  You know that I'm often out of control and hard to handle.  Guys come and they go in my world.  Some are special, some aren't.  Some think they are and they're not.  Some, I feel like I'm not supposed to be with long term, but do whatever it is that is supposed to help them out in the short term.  Some are around to help me out in the short term.  I've got one of those right now.

I can't drive and he wrecked his car, so it's a mutually beneficial situation for him to be my chauffeur right now.  The thing I'm not dealing with very well is his need to be around me, smothering the life out of me, all the time.  I don't deal well with these types.  He means well, I know he does, but this isn't a type of person I deal well with.  He's used to someone needing him constantly.  Someone to take care of.  I'm not that girl, and we all know it.  We butt heads constantly about the littlest shit. 

Honestly, I don't deal well with very many people for more than a couple of weeks at a time in real life.  My alternate life is another story, but we'll get into that in my next post.  All I have to say about all this is ugh...  I'll make a good ex-girlfriend for him I suppose.....

Jus So Ya Know......

I plan on telling this boy that won't leave me alone that he needs to find something else to do tonight while I drink and blog.  Obviously I'm not getting anything done with him around all the time and being busy as hell at work.  I promise, tonight, some stellar drunk posting.  In the meantime, go check out the new uploaded pics at JClay's Flickr account.  Half my ass is hanging out in one of them..... 

XOXO my peeps :)

What's Going On?

Yeah, maybe I was listening to a little 4 Non Blondes there for a minute....  Don't be a hater.  WOW, it's only Tuesday and I'm posting again.  See, I told you I actually had stuff to talk about.  I'm currently hiding out from the warehouse guys who now think I'm their slave.  Actually, I have real work to do, you know, formatting computers and shit like that.....

Anyway, thanks for all the comments on the photos.  There are some more up there today and he hasn't even gotten to the ones that my mother would be highly pissed about yet.  That should be fun, should she come across them.....  She's disappointed in everything I do anyway, so why would this be any different?  She's a hater for sure....  Oh well.... Maybe that will be the scandal at family Christmas this year.  OMG, Tara posed scantily clad for pictures that are now on the internet!! HOLY FREAKING SHIT.  Ehh, it's whatever.  Nobody in the family is getting married, divorced, pregnant or announcing their homosexuality this year, as far as I know, so this should be the appropriate amount of scandal. 

Speaking of family Christmas, it's this weekend.  Ugh, I was just in Pennsylvania like 3 weeks ago.  That was more than enough for me.  It's just one of those things that I have to do I guess, but I'm not quite sure how all that is going to work out considering I don't have a car that can be driven all that way.  Hopefully I can drive my mom's car.  It's got more room for the kids anyway.  If I have to hitch a ride with my sister, I'll probably attempt to hang myself.  Her car is worse off than mine and her driving habits are, well, let's just say, SCARY.

What else?  Oh yeah, I finally got started on Christmas shopping last night.  That was fun... NOT.  Teenage boys are not fun to buy for.  They are super boring and their Christmas lists had like 6 things on them, all of which my mom bought.  Ugh.  Christmas is going to be light around our house anyway.  There's just not much left when trying to keep the lights on and pay court costs associated with the stupid shit I got involved with last month.

Never mind the fact that I absolutely loathe Christmas.  There's not room at my house anymore to accommodate a tree or to make it look like Christmas threw up all over the house.  I have no patience for any of that.  So yeah, I don't think I'm even going to put up a tree this year.  The big kids don't care and the little one will just knock it over, so why hassle?  Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a tradition, whatever.  I'm over it.  Can I just claim Jewish and buy a menorah or something?  Seriously....  

I'd like to say I don't enjoy Christmas because it's gotten so far away from its religious meaning, commercialized and bastardized by the people.  It's not.  I mean, don't get me wrong, out of the 4 or 5 times a year I go to church, most certainly one of them is Christmas Eve.  Because that's what you're supposed to do I guess.  Well it was when I was a kid anyway.  Plus my kids like going so they can sing off key to every Christmas song known to man.

I like Christmas because of presents.  Plain and simple.  I like to get them, I like to give them.  I like to see the reaction people have when they're opening something that I've really taken the time to get just right.  I'm one of those people that pay attention to little details when people speak and file them away for future reference, unlike my ex-husband who thought it was great to buy me a hundred dollar alarm clock THAT DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A RADIO.

WTF?  I mean come on guys, you have it easy.  Even chicks that aren't girly girls like me, like to get jewelry.  I had a fine assortment at one time.  Watches are my favorite, mostly because I LOVE LOVE LOVE watches with super cool faces.  I don't know, maybe I'm weird.  Maybe I should tell you that the $10,000 platinum/diamond engagement ring and band were my favorite.  That would be a lie.  They made me extremely uncomfortable having them on.  I felt like someone might try and cut my finger off for them because I work in the ghetto.  My 1/2 carat diamond earrings?  Another favorite.  Why?  They're small and quite honestly, because I have like 6 holes in my ears, you can't tell the real from the fake ones.  They all look pretty.  Bracelets?  Well I don't have a great track record with them.  Once I find a piece of jewelry that I really like, I don't take it off.   With my job, it makes it kind of hard on bracelets.  They constantly get snagged on things and break.  I think ex-husband had bought me like three of them before he finally figured out they weren't working out for me.  The last one was a stainless steel braided bracelet that was supposed to be pretty much indestructible.  It did last longer than the cute little ones, but in the end I did break it.  Oh well I suppose.....

I'm single for Christmas this year.....  YUCK.  I had to think back about last year, because I thought I was then too.  Turns out I wasn't.  Hmm, how quickly we forget about things....  I guess it was because I couldn't really be seen anywhere with Kyle and the rest of my family that I forgot all about it.  I just went back and read a couple of posts from last year at this time and I was actually happy there for a minute.  Amazing......  This year I'm kinda like..

Well, I don't really know how to describe it, but I don't like it, that's for sure.....  I'm not going to find the Christmas spirit, I know that it doesn't exist in me, but I really need to find some sort of inner peace here in the next couple of weeks.....

Cuz You Wanna Take My Picture....

It's Sunday, statistically my lowest day of page views, so says Statcounter.  I guess I'll leave you all a present for tomorrow then....

I haven't talked about it on here because I didn't know when I was going to do it, but I was approached a couple of weeks ago by one of my friends I went to school with about doing a photo shoot.  He's been taking pictures for a long time and was in need of a new subject.  Any of you who have been reading around here for awhile know that I have serious issues with my body and looks in general.  Originally I wasn't really interested in it.  It was kind of a running joke between us with him trying to talk me into it.  Eventually I caved, because in all honesty I am an attention junkie and wanted to do it just to see what it would be about.

After some discussion and going back and forth about what I would and wouldn't do and a week's supply of Prednisone to clear my skin up, we decided yesterday would be a good day for shooting.  I woke up Saturday morning with a knot in my stomach the size of a softball not wanting to do it.  My good friend Drew (hey Drew, have you found the blog yet?) talked me down from the ledge all morning long.  I'm really no good with stuff like this, especially being sober and all.  Give me a few shots and I would have been down for whatever, but being as it was early afternoon and I'd had about three too many the night before, I was going at it without a buzz.... I packed up a bag full of clothes, not knowing what I would want to wear and he picked me up around one.

We headed off for a local outdoor spot to do some pictures there.  I'm not gonna lie, it was cold.  We hadn't gotten any of the snow that we have right now yet, but it was probably only about 35 degrees out.  Crisp, clear and downright windy.  My eyes kept watering during our time outside.  The spot was great and Jack was really good at directing me, since I had absolutely no idea what the hell I was supposed to be doing.... 

Once we got done with the outside shots, we headed over to his apartment to get some indoor pictures.  I'm not gonna lie, it was a little weird at first.  I mean really, other than talking to him on Facebook all the time, I haven't seen him since high school.  I started digging through my bag, trying to decide what I wanted to wear and he commented as he say appropriate.  Finally I settled on a short skirt, wife beater, and some super high heel sandals.  He complimented the outfit with some legwarmers since he's got a thing for socks. 

After the initial pictures, I warmed up to what I was doing and I got comfortable with all of it.  The thing that helped was that he didn't really want me to smile and be all cheesy, he told me that he liked more of the serious look, which made me more comfortable since I HATE smiling.  From the time he picked me up at my house to the time he dropped me off, I was gone about 4 hours.  He shot around 300 pictures of me yesterday.  There are only a few of them up, and I'm not sure if I can post them here, so I'll just post the link to his Flickr account.  Flicker.  Have at it, feel free to comment.  There will be a whole bunch more there by tomorrow night, so feel free to check back.....

Remember, comments = entries in my drawing for jewelry, so let me have it!  Hope everyone is having a great weekend :)

Untitled, On Purpose....

Well shit.  I told you I'd post three times a week, so I guess that I'll be writing all weekend long.  It's all good, I've been working in the warehouse for a week now, and unlike with all the drama in the office, I've had lots of time to think about things I'd like to talk about.  I'm gonna make time for y'all, I promise. 

Today?  Well, I figure I'll just fill everyone in on what's been going on.  Yes, work has been ridiculous, that's why I haven't been writing as I promised. Year end crap with about 10 less staff members than we had last year at this time has certainly put a burden on everyone here.  It's all good.  I'm thankful I have a job, ya know?  In the evenings I've either been doing jewelry or fixing computers for some spare money on the side.  It figures that I've got the most annoying computer problems to deal with.  They aren't like "hey, format this computer for me."  They're "hey, this shit is so fucked up it won't even turn on, but I need all of the 5 bazillion pictures that are stored on my hard drive."  Umm, yeah....  Ok then...  Is the money worth it?  Well yeah, it is.  Three hours of my time doing that is worth about a days pay at my regular job.  Doing the same crap I do at work when I'm home in the evenings kills me though.  I really should have thought my profession through a little better....  Oh well.


The love life?  Well, it's going somewhere I guess.  The funny thing is, I'm not sure that I want it to go there.  I've been hanging out with someone I vaguely knew in high school (thanks again Facebook...) for the last couple of weeks and we really get along great.  He had me at hello when I saw those eyes.  Kind of a green/blue combo depending on what he's wearing.  Y'all know how that does me in right then and there.....  He was on vacation from work all this week and spent his days getting up at 6:30 to take me to work and then come and pick me up each day & run me wherever I needed to go in the evenings.  He even went to Gavin's choir concert with us on Monday night.  It was weird, mostly because my family was there and I don't introduce really ANYONE to my family, but it ended up being no big deal since it was just "Mom, this is *, * this is my mom." End of story.

I just don't know about the whole thing.  First of all, I kind of feel like we're in this retarded dating phase, which we all know that I don't do well.....  That whole getting to know each other intellectually really doesn't do a whole lot for me.  I'm more of a "what kind of physical attraction do we have?" kind of girl.  And yes, I know, what's the use of having something nice to look at if it's as dumb as a door knob.  We all know that I'm shallow like that though.  Ideally, yeah, I'd like to have both, but damn, it's kind of difficult to find one of those that will put up with me.  I guess we'll just have to see what develops with all this, but you know how I am about keeping my options open.....  It doesn't help that my mind is kind of elsewhere right now emotionally, but that's not something we'll be discussing any time soon....

That's all for now boys & girls....  No song lyric, no catchy title.... I'm just kind of blank on this whole thing right now.....

Remember though, comments get you entered into a drawing for some jewelry!!! 

Once Again Eminem, You Hit The Nail.....

Right on the head.....

Friends, what are friends? Friends are people that you think are your friends, but they really your enemies with secret identities, and disguises to hide their true colors.  So just when you think you close enough to be brothers, they wanna come back and cut your throat when you ain't lookin...

I have a lot to write about that's been going on, but truth is, I'm kind of down and out right now.  I wrote about Tara and Nicole last week and truth is, it's still bothering me.  I'm not really sure why, it just is.....  But I heard the song above, which is If I Had (in case anyone cares) and it made me think....  This is exactly how I feel about these two bitches right now.  I feel like I'm stuck in an at work version of Mean Girls.  Yeah, it's that juvenile....  But now Tara's upping her attack and starting to spread some vicious rumors about me.  What the fuck is this chick's problem?  I'm ignoring it the best I can at work, but God help me, if I see her out somewhere I'm going to jail for assault for sure.  It's one thing to talk about me, but don't bring my kids into it...

Truth is, I'd like to think I'm a good friend.  I'd do anything humanly possible for those close to me and I just got tired of giving all the time and having those two use & abuse me.  Especially Nicole.  Tara, well her dude is playing puppeteer with her and there's nothing I can do about that, so it's whatever I guess.... I do have lots of other friends and I'm going out and having good times with them, but it's not the same.  At this point things will never be the same.  The shit Tara is telling people and the deliberate things her and Nicole are doing to piss me off right now are just ridiculous.  I thank God every day that I have Sandi and Bridget with me at work to keep me level headed or I would have hurt a bitch by now and probably lost my job.  Anyways, it's all retarded shit and like someone wrote the other day "This too shall pass......"

So, what else is new?  Well, not a whole lot.  I've kind of been doing my own thing, not partying quite as hard, but that's hard to do when you're not supposed to be driving your car and it's too cold to walk anywhere.  I took the boys and we went to PA for the Thanksgiving holiday.  They were upset there was no snow this year to get out their snowboards and get some early time on them.  I spent Wednesday-Friday annoyed with kids, relatives and the fact I was stuck in a house with a cat, which I'm allergic to....  I was happy when I got to leave Friday after our shopping excursion because I had to have E home since it was Jordan's weekend.

Other than that, I've been pretty freaking boring here lately.  I have a jewelry open house on Saturday afternoon, then my boy Chocolate Bear is coming over to take some "professional" pics.  I just can't seem to get any pictures of my stuff that are actually decent.  He's got an awesome camera, so I'm hoping to get some good pictures because EVERYONE is up my ass about seeing the stuff.  It is really flattering, but I really want the stuff to be portrayed in the best possible light and the truest form, so if it's not, chances are, I'm not going to let it fly.

However all that goes, I am going to do this.  I've been bad, so bad in fact, Santa probably won't visit this year....  I haven't been posting as frequently as I used to and it's noticeable in the fact that even though I have more followers (OH HEY, BY THE WAY, WELCOME, I SUCK) my page views have gone down significantly.  I promise that starting next week I'll be posting at least three times a week through the month of December.  I'll try to make them interesting, but you know me, I go though spells.....  I'm thinking that each post will have something to do with a song lyric that I like and want to relate to the post.  Yeah, I liked when I used to do that.  What do you get my loyal readers?  You get my quality fucked up life PLUS, each time you comment, I'll put you into a drawing for a piece of my jewelry.  Those of you who use the anonymous commenting, put a name at the bottom of your comment (I don't really care if it's YOUR name) and I'll tally those that way.  You have to remember though, I'll need to know where to send the jewelry if you're the one selected, so if you're all weird about privacy & me stalking you, but still want in on the drawing, ya better get a post office box or something....  Guys, I know this really doesn't float your boat, but I have a really hard time with guy pieces of jewelry.  Consider maybe giving it as a gift to your wife/daughter/girlfriend/favorite corner walker maybe? 

Additionally anyone who sends someone to the blog that comments and says "(Insert your name here) sent me" will get an extra entry.  Just make sure to direct them to more interesting stories, you know, like last year at this time when there was far more going on in my life that was noteworthy.....  Are we all clear? 

Alright then, let the games begin!  'Tis the season!!

Because I Haven't Been Around To Tell You.....

I'm really trying to get pictures up for you guys, but I don't seem to have the proper lighting to get good pictures of the pieces.  I need to go get some better lighting tomorrow when I get paid.  I promise they're coming though...

What else has been going on?  Well lots I guess, work is keeping me busy doing things that have nothing to do with my job title.  They're not great things, stuffing Thanksgiving cards, tearing apart old computers, designing fliers for our customers, bullshit like that.  It helps break up the monotony of my "real" job, so I'm down for whatever.

Those of you who have seen my Facebook posts lately are very aware that I have something personal going on right now, but I don't really want to talk about it.  Let's just say it's been a major setback in what I would have considered an otherwise good last month or so.  Oh well, we all get what we deserve in the end, ya know?  The final result of all of it boiled down to, people that I thought were my friends apparently aren't.  Tara and I haven't talked in weeks (for what reason, I have no clue she's just been an incredible bitch since the Halloween party) and when she found out about my weekend from Nicole, who only knew because it involved my sister (who lives with her) picking me up at the police station at 5am, she blabbed to all of our coworkers what was, I'm sure, an incorrect story.  Wow, that was the longest run-on sentence in history......

Anyway, I've spent the last couple of days doing damage control at work and trying to win the war against her and her new leader, who is quite possibly one of the shadiest bitches I've ever met.   I've honestly never seen Tara as such a weak fucking person.  I guess it just goes to show that even someone you've known for 15+ years will turn their back on you for a man who has brainwashed them.  Nicole is no better.  She's a fucking follower to the max.  It's ridiculous.  Her and Tara have banded against me.  At this point, I really don't care.  I'm over all of it.  If they think that them not being friends with me is going to hurt me, they need to rethink that.  Am I sad?  Well yeah, they're supposed to be my closest friends.  I've truly learned who my real friends are over the last couple of weeks and consider myself lucky to have people like them in my life.  Tara and Nicole are as toxic to me as I was them and it's probably for the best these friendships have gone on hiatus.  I've also had to get rid of a bunch of other people on Facebook this week because once I blocked a couple of people, everyone was scurrying around trying to see if I was writing anything about them.  Directly, I wasn't.  Broadly, I was, but you all know me and my writing style by now.  I can be as broad as a barn if I want to.

Enough with all that.  The good stuff that happened last week?  Well, I found out my friend Chip is coming in town over the Christmas holiday from Arkansas, so we're planning on LOADS of fun.  Also, I got to go to the Ohio State/Penn State game last Saturday.  Although it ended poorly for my team, it was a good time.  I got to hang out with my friend Drew, who was in town to party and even though the night ended poorly, all around it was an awesome day.

What else?.....  Jewelry sales are going freaking awesome.  I might not have to get a second job after all if I can just manage this until Christmas.  I've got two parties booked the first week in December which will easily net me $500 a piece.  I just need to steadily keep working on more pieces and stop letting my mom snag them before anyone else gets a chance.  It's hard to turn her down though because that's cash in hand right then.....

I think that's about it right now.  I've got to get back to work, but felt like I needed to get this out here since Curious was asking what the heck was going on.  Have a great Thirsty Thursday everyone :)

Halloween 2010

I thought that inviting like 80 people to our party was a bit much.  That was my half of the invites.  I created the event on Facebook and added Tara as an administrator thinking that she would only add a few more people to the list since we have so many friends in common.  The next thing I know the list was over 200 people long.  What.The.Fuck?  Anyone who has been around us knows that Tara's house is 900 square feet.  Her garage, before they built the room out there, was the size of her house.  Even 100 people in these two areas was going to be ridiculous.  The week leading up to the party, I was both excited and terrified about what could happen.  Our parties get out of hand when there are 20 people there, I could only imagine what would happen if even half the people on the list came.

I was stressed about a Halloween costume.  I knew which one I wanted, but I wasn't happy with the way it fit.  Basically it was spandex.  Ugh...  I tried on a bunch of different costumes and didn't find one that I really liked.  Tara was being the same way.  We were a hot mess.  The funny thing was, this is the same thing that happened last year.  We suck when it comes to things like this.  I finally tried on the first costume I liked, but in a bigger size and decided that it fit well enough for me to buy.

Not the greatest picture, but you get the point.  Tara decided on Amy Winehouse and it was pretty hilarious.

Here are some other pictures that I thought were pretty good.  Some people dressed up, some didn't.  We didn't really care, we just wanted to have a good time....

 This is Chuck as Boner Boy... Yes, he was wearing a strap-on....

 Tim lighting his fingertips on fire instead of a lighter.  Tara's lucky her wig didn't go up in flames...

 Me being retarded.....

 Me with the zombie & Jim Morrison

My friend Tasha with all of her little boy's nightmares...

Did we surpass our record of 65 people last year?  No, sadly we didn't.  Did we have a good time?  Yes.  Well I did until Nicole, Guy and my friend who I haven't seen since high school, John, took off in my car.  It was late, like 2:00 when they left to go get more beer and didn't come back forever.  I was pissed because I wanted to leave the party.  Brian had texted me and wanted me to come out to his house.  Being as I haven't seen him in awhile, I wanted to go, plus, the party was winding down anyway.  For whatever reason, it was almost 3 by the time they got back and I was throwing a HUGE fit.  I grabbed my keys from Guy and stormed out the door.

I went home, changed clothes and headed out to BFE.  Brian lives out in a place city folk would call the country.  Those of us who have lived in the country would just call it a housing development 5 miles from ANYTHING.  I get there and he's not even there.  I text him and he pulls into the driveway along with 3 other cars full of people.  Great....  I'm in sweats because I was under the impression this was a booty call and I could get mine and go to bed.  Not so much....  I sit on the kitchen counter talking to people I haven't seen in ages drinking directly out of a vodka bottle.  People come and go and I'm not really concerned with it until one person walks in.  

Let me just say this, it's not that I don't want people to know that I associate with Brian.  There are just people I would prefer didn't know that I hang out with him, unless it's going to be that we're in a relationship.  Mikey F would be one of those people.  As soon as he walked in the door, I knew word would get out quicker than I could blink.  Especially the way Brian was hanging on me.  Fuck.  Mikey made a beeline directly to me and started talking about how he hadn't seen me in forever, asking a million questions, while at the same time eying back and forth suspiciously between me and Brian.  Unsatisfied with the way I was answering his questions, he moved off to talk to other people.  I looked at Brian, took one last swig of the vodka and told him I was going to bed, walking my drunk tired ass to the basement.

He sleeps in the basement, so you never have any idea what time it is.  When I woke up Sunday morning, I was confused.  I knew where I was, but had no concept of what time it could possibly be.  When I finally found my phone I saw that it was 11.  I needed to get home with a quickness.  I grabbed all of my stuff and out the door I went.  A couple of hours later he texted me telling me he was sad that once again I left before he woke up.  Isn't that how it's supposed to go though?  I mean, we had a good thing there for awhile and he wasn't interested in it being a relationship, so now it's just sex.  Why would I stay and make it awkward in the morning????

Yeah, I Know.......

I suck.  I owe you the writeup from the Halloween party and to fill ya in on what's been going on with me.  Sorry I've been MIA for the last week or so, but I've actually had to be (gasp) working while at work.  WTF?  It happens I suppose.  Hey, who doesn't want to get paid 20some dollars an hour to stuff Thanksgiving cards, right?  Fun shit for sure.....

Anyway, there hasn't been too much going on here lately.  Since I wrote the post last week about the jewelry, that's pretty much all I've been doing.  I'm really going to try and get some pictures of pieces taken tonight so that y'all can see them, even though they're flying out of my possession at an almost alarming rate.  It's kind of nice because I'm actually getting caught up on some of the behind bills, plus I'm not going out every night and spending money I really don't have.

Other than that, I've been pretty boring.  There aren't really any guys making too much of an effort to hang these days and quite honestly, I don't have time to chase them around right now.  In the last week or so I've hung out with Brian a couple of times, went and picked up Guy from Cincinnati to come to the Halloween party, and oddly enough even after I kicked him out of my car a couple of weeks ago, Saturday night I went out with Josh and we actually had a good time.  Weird.....

That's about it for right now.  I promise that I'm going to catch up on everyone's blogs today and am working on the post from Halloween right now.  Oh yeah, and I've gained a couple of new followers, WELCOME TO THE MADNESS PEOPLE!!!!

Here's Your Warning.......

Consider this your warning, the 2nd Annual T&T Toxic Twins Halloween Bash is tomorrow night.  Full write up early next week with TONS of pictures of people being retarded as fuck.  I still don't have a date, like everyone thinks I should.  I like to call it "keeping my options open" because we never know who will show up at one of our parties.....

This is my costume, but unfortunately I don't look as hot as this chick.....

The other Tara is going as Amy Winehouse.....  This should be interesting indeed.....

Have a great weekend peeps :)

Brain Tumors & Jewelry

Back in 2004 or so, my dad was diagnosed with a brain tumor.  He had been having headaches and passing out whenever he ate for quite some time and never let anyone know because he was a "tough guy".  Finally one day they found him unconscious behind his desk at work and he was taken to the hospital. When he woke up he found out he had a tumor roughly the size of a baseball in his brain.  They needed to do surgery immediately. 

My step-monster was actually visiting us in Ohio when she got the call that my dad had been put in the hospital.  She made arrangements to get home as quickly as possible and see what was going on.  The day after she got home she called us and told us that because of where the tumor was and how large it was, they were unsure if my dad would survive the surgery and that if we wanted to say good-bye to him we should come down to Florida immediately.   I had very mixed emotions about what I would actually say to him if it was our last time to see him.  I've written about it before, but needless to say, my dad and I have a spotty past.  He was an alcoholic wife beater who didn't give a shit about his kids.  For whatever reason, that afternoon, my mom purchased me and my sister Melissa plane tickets to Orlando and we were on our way.

We arrived in Orlando and met up with my other sister, Melinda, and got on our way to Ft. Myers.  The three hour car ride was quiet, none of us having much to say about the whole thing.  We arrived in Ft. Myers, met the step-monster and other assorted family members at the hospital.  We saw him and he was acting pretty normal, but you could tell that everyone was on edge.

Over the next couple of days, we were to and from the hospital, while at the same time, trying to enjoy the fact that we were in Florida.  I don't even remember where we were now, but I saw some of the most beautiful beads ever and decided that I wanted to make a bracelet out of them.  It was an attempt to get my mind off the fact that I was supposed to say my good-bye to a man that I hated.  Melissa and I made beautiful bracelets out of those beads in our hotel room that night.  I was in love with the fact that I had created something so nice that I wanted to wear all the time.  For a night I forgot about all the shitty things going on around me.

The next morning we all went to the hospital and took turns saying what needed to be said.  It was my turn and I declined to see him.  There was nothing that I could say to him to make the situation any better and if I said what I really felt and he died, I'd feel guilty about it forever, so I elected to say nothing.  He was rolled into surgery and we left the hospital because it was an extremely complicated procedure that would take most of the day.


The long and the short of it was that he lived.  Melissa felt bad for the shitty things she said to him, though none of us know if he actually remembers the things that she said to him.  He's splitting his time these days between his house with the step-monster and an assisted living facility, depending on his health condition on any given day.  She's a patient woman, but he's mean.  Really mean.  And he keeps having all sorts of medical problems stemming from the surgery and complications with them not getting the whole tumor the first time.  I hear from my half sister updates on his condition every once in awhile and actually picked up the phone when he called on my birthday, but for the most part, it's been years since I've seen or talked to him at any great length.  In my mind, it's what he deserves for the things he put my mom and us though all those years and I'm ok with it.  I don't need to make peace with him.

The jewelry was my saving grace that weekend.  My solace in a situation that I didn't want to deal with.  When I got back home, I started shopping for beads and spending my evenings with everything laid out in my bed, picking and choosing what would make the most interesting necklaces or bracelets.  I didn't drink, I didn't go out and party.  I made jewelry.  I could spend 2 hours on one necklace and be ok with it.  I grew to be the personal jewelry designer for 10 different people.  They bought clothes, I designed the jewelry to go with it.  It was both profitable and satisfying to see my creations worn on some of my best friends, their families and the various others who by only word of mouth sought my work.  I was happy.

All that changed when I got divorced.  I didn't make the time to do the things that made me happy anymore.  No more jewelry making, no more going to the gym, I wasn't even hanging out with my friends like I used to. I was pregnant and miserable.  I stopped drinking while I was pregnant, because let's face it, I've got enough problems, I didn't need a child with fetal alcohol syndrome, but didn't do anything with my time.  I was depressed and living with someone who hated me off and on. 

After I had E, things didn't get any better.  Actually, they got worse because I could drink again.  Over the last 18 months, my life has been pretty much out of control, but you know what?  I'm taking back control.  I was bored last week so I pulled out my case full of beads and laid them all out, sorting them and taking inventory of what I had.

I still have a lot from back then.  Once I posted this picture on Facebook I got several comments and inbox messages from people excited to see everything out and wondered when they could expect to see some new pieces.  For the first time in ages, I knew that I needed to get back to being me.  This is it.  Sunday I made 6 necklaces.  As soon as I got to work and people heard I had them, 4 of them sold right away and I got rid of the other two plus 4 pairs of earrings today. 

I'm not trying to get rich doing this.  In fact, I don't even price this stuff even remotely correctly.  I sell necklaces for $15, bracelets for $7 and earrings for $3 regardless of what they're made with.  I make jewelry because it makes me feel good, not because I'm under some illusion that I'm going to get rich and famous.  It's fulfilling something that's been lost for a long time, something I really needed to get back to.......

Randomness On Hump Day

I'm all over the place today....  Honestly I don't even know where to begin because my A.D.D is kickin full force....  Let's begin and see where it goes, shall we?

First, over on the T&T Toxic Twins blog I added a post including my "perfect" dating application.  Yeah, it's a little retarded like me, but seriously, if I could get the honest answers to all of the questions BEFORE I started talking to a guy, I think I could find Mr. Right pretty easily.... Or at least weed out all of the Mr. I'mtoofuckeduptoeventalkto that I keep running into.

Over the weekend I picked up my friend Guy and we went out to BFE to a huge party thrown by my friend Bridget.  City people riding horses, 4 wheelers, drinking Everclear and partying loud because there's nobody around to call the police.... Good times indeed.  Here are some of the pics...

 The first shots of the night

 Tara & I being retarded... as usual

 Mike's first s'more!!  Who is 37 and has never had one!!

 Me raising hell at 2am on the 4 wheeler

Tara & I on the horse

So yeah, as you can see, we were totally retarded....  It was really nice to get out of the city, even if for just a night of drunken debauchery.  When I came home Sunday I was exhausted, but in a sense totally refreshed.

I guess last week I forgot to mention that I won a contest on the radio to go see Muse.  It included limo transportation to & from the concert, $150 in gift certificates for dinner and 4 tickets to the concert.  Now, I'm not a huge fan, but both of my sisters are, so I was excited to be able to take them.  Turned out Melinda couldn't go, so I ended up taking my sister Melisssa, Nicole and Tara.  We had an awesome time, even though Melissa dropped a pregnancy bomb at the beginning of the night.  I'm happy for her, Little Lili needs a sibling.  Here are some pics from that....

 Tara, Nicole, Me, Melissa after the concert

 Me taking pictures & being retarded in the limo

 Tara cheesing with her $10 Appletini at dinner

 Melissa & Nicole look more like sisters than Melissa & I

 Me & my besties w/a well placed McDonalds cup

 Me & sister

 Tara getting it in the butt by Brutus Buckeye

 Muse

Muse

Hmm, what else...  Oh yeah, I said last post I'd put up a picture of how handsome Brandon looked at homecoming.... Ok, here ya go.... I'm on a roll with the pictures today!

OOps, that's the one with his eyes closed, but you get the point and I'm too lazy to upload another one...

I think that's about it for now, I really don't have a whole lot to say on the boy front right now.  They're all being special-ed in their own ways, so I've been keeping to myself over the last few days.  I'm sure that will change here soon because Brian, aka Mr. Right, was texting me last night and one of my favorites, Donnie (aka the one that I got busted out to blue eyes with) is in town for the rest of the week.  We'll see what happens...

Happy Hump Day peeps!!

Your Love Is Like A Black Hole

Josh, aka "Me with a penis" is back at it again.  I've told you about him many, many times over since he's been an off and on thing with me for the last 7 months.  After all the shitty things we've done to each other, you'd think it would be easy to say "adios motherfucker" and be done with him.  As a matter of fact, I think I've said that on multiple occasions, as Jay-Z's On To The Next One plays over and over in my mind.  I've deleted his phone number out of my phone and erased most thoughts of him, including the good ones.

When I'm seeing someone else, I barely give him a second thought.  Sure, I can no longer hear Eminem & Rihanna sing Love The Way You Lie without wanting to stab myself (because that song is soooo us), but I get along ok without him.  But then it just so happens that whoever I'm seeing I'm not happy with or they dump me or whatever and my attention immediately turns back to him.

He is my addiction......  Actually, we're each others addiction.  I can go a month without talking to him and it never fails that I'll get that drunk text in the middle of the night with something along the lines of "You know I love you and never should have let you go."  or "You always did everything to make me a better person and look at me now."  Quite honestly my drunk messages to him are usually more along the lines of "I'm drunk, wanna fuck?"  Mostly because if I need sex, I know he's sure to be down with it.

Things changed with us last Friday.  See, Thursday night while I was on my date, he was blowing up my phone wanting me to come party with him.  I finally had to turn off my phone because it got so distracting.  When I looked at my phone I had 10 text messages from him begging me to come and get him.  I had 3 missed calls, but they had stopped around midnight.  I assumed that he went home and passed out, so I didn't bother texting him back since it was late. 

My phone starts ringing at 5am.  I missed the first call since I had just gone to bed at 3, but it kept ringing and ringing.  I finally find the phone and it's him.  Why is he calling me at 5am?  My first thought is that he's in jail, so of course I answer it.  What I get is incoherent babble about how much he loves me and his life will never be complete without me, but I need to come and find him right now because he doesn't know where he is.  What the hell is going on?  This isn't drunk Josh, something else is going on.  After 45 minutes I finally manage to get that he had been drinking since 5:30 on Thursday and decided that his life sucked so much he was going to go out and buy some coke because back when he was doing coke, he was happy and life was good.  WHAT.THE.FUCK?

Josh has always been honest with me about his addictions.  He told me about his past and his battles with cocaine.  Given his personal problems and problems growing up I can't say I was surprised with that revelation.  Me?  I have an addictive enough personality, so I, for the most part, stay away from drugs. Cocaine?  Has never even crossed my mind.  I can't even put allergy nose spray in my nose, let alone snorting anything.  I just can't even fathom doing it.  Ewwwwww.

I had to get up and get ready for work, but Josh wanted me to come to his house, because he finally realized that he was home.  I've missed enough work lately with sick kids and my own laziness, so I told him I couldn't come over.  He cried and told me he needed me because I was the only one that cared.  Fuck.  I manage to get him off the phone, get the baby dressed and ready and I'm out the door to work. 

By 9am Josh had called me 26 times, mostly to tell me the same things over and over.  I tried to talk to him and tell him that everything was going to be ok.  He wasn't buying it.  Finally I made arrangements to take half a day off and go sit with him until he came down.  I figured worst case scenario, I would drive him to the hospital or the local crisis center.  I left work at 11 and hadn't heard a peep out of him in over an hour.  I'll admit, I was scared pulling up to his house that I'd find him dead.  His roommates were out of town, so if he did OD, there was nobody there to find him or even try to prevent it.

I had told him earlier to make sure the door was unlocked.  It wasn't.  It was open, but the storm door was still locked.  I knocked and rang the bell, my stomach creeping up into my throat the longer time went on without him answering the door.  Finally he staggered out of the hallway and told me to come in.  I told him the door was locked and he didn't understand me.  Locked motherfucker, locked.  Oh yeah, he said, then finally let me in.

I don't think I've ever personally witnessed someone looking as bad as he did when I walked in.  His eyes....  I can't even really explain it.  They were bloodshot, but more than that.  They were solid pink/red which made the green stand out more than usual.  His whole face was red.  There were marks from where his nose had been bleeding.  In the first 10 minutes I was there, he was in the bathroom throwing up three different times.  I surveyed the rest of the house.  It was trashed.

While he was still in the bathroom, I laid down on the bed.  I was tired from being out so late the night before.  When  he came in the room he asked me what I had to say about the whole thing.  I told him nothing, that it was his life and he was going to live it how he wanted.  He laid down in the bed and curled up with me promptly passing out.  I was happy I didn't have to listen to any more details of his night and fell asleep too.

Two hours later he woke up looking a whole lot better and asking why I was there.  I told him all the things he told me earlier and he jumped up out of bed freaking out about money.  He remembered he came back to the house for money and took everything he had saved up out with him.  Great, I thought.  He took count of the money and realized that he had spent over $400 the night before.  I thought he was going to cry. He had been saving that money for a new car since he had gotten his new job.  "It's only money," he said after he thought about what had happened for a few minutes. 

We spent the rest of the day laying around watching tv and dozing in and out of sleep.  4pm rolled around and I had to go pickup Little E, so I told him I'd see him later.  Apparently in part of his out of his mind state he called his mother and told her everything.  I felt bad he told her because she is ultra controlling of him and probably the reason he's as fucked up as he is.  He had to go over to her house and stay that night because he was driving her to the airport for vacation in the morning.  I knew she would tear him apart and she did.

I texted him later just to make sure everything was ok and that she didn't cart him off to rehab right then and there.  She didn't, but I'm sure only because she was leaving for vacation.  He told me that he was going to get help for his alcohol problem when she got back.  WOW, that's gonna be tough.  If people like us could handle things in moderation we wouldn't have the problems we do.  Moderation isn't a word in our vocabulary.  It's balls to the wall or nothing.  I'm ok with nothing if I'm with the right company.  Hell, before I met the ex-husband I didn't even keep alcohol in the house. 

Saturday night I hadn't planned on doing anything.  I was worn out from Friday and didn't wanna commit to anything.  It was Brandon's first homecoming, so I had to be home to make sure he was ready and looking spiffy.  I'll post a picture of how proud I was at how much he's grown up, but I don't think this is the appropriate post for all that..... 

By 9 I was happy just sitting out on the deck chillin listening to music when my phone rang.  It was Josh.  He wanted me to come and hang out with him at the local watering hole.  I wasn't having it because it was obvious that he was already drunk.  I reminded him that I needed to stay home so that I could pick up Brandon at 11, so he asked me if I would come pick him up because he hadn't driven to the bar.  I was reluctant because I didn't want to get into an "us" argument with him.  Finally, I gave in and went and got him and brought him back to the house.

We sat out back and talked about us and how dysfunctional we are.  I thought it was agreed upon that we could never be more than friends at this point because of how downright nasty we've been to each other in the last 7 months.  By 10:30 he was passed out in bed and I sat there contemplating the whole thing while waiting to pickup Brandon.

How can I have such strong feelings for someone who makes me feel like such shit sometimes?  I've never been a girl that lets ANYONE talk to her like he does to me.  Maybe if he's not drinking he'll act right.....  I didn't know what to think about the whole thing.  In one part of my mind, I really like him, actually, I'm probably a little in love with him, but the other part of my mind says "HOLD THE FUCK UP, Tara you try to be a fixer of impossible to fix people, just stop this nonsense now!!"  With the events of Friday still stuck in my head, I was thinking, for whatever reason, we can't give each other up.  I need him as much as he needs me and maybe this is where I'm supposed to be to help him right now..... I went to bed confused and probably a little hurt over the whole thing.

Sunday morning I dropped him off at his car because I had to drive to Cincinnati for soccer.  Since Sunday we've talked and texted pretty much all day every day.  I haven't seen him since Sunday morning, but then again I've been busy.  The plan tonight is that I'm hanging out with him and watching a movie.  We'll see, but I do know this for sure, he's not going to bring me a half eaten burrito......

Let's Catch Up For A Minute

Oh, where to start?  Let's see, when we last left off, I was gonna be on the radio. HOT DAMN, that was fun.  They only let us talk like the first 10 minutes on air, but just being there seeing all the behind the scenes stuff that goes on was more than enough to make my day.  It didn't hurt that Chris Titus was there and we got to talk to him for a minute.

That weekend my friend Donovan invited me to the Funny Bone to see the Titus show.  His girlfriend was the opening act and she was hilarious!  We got our pictures taken with him afterward and he remembered me from Friday, which I thought was cool.

I look much better here because I didn't get up at 5am after a 2:30am bender...... 

What else?  Oh yeah, I took everyone's advice and went out with Brian's friend last week.  We went out for drinks Thursday night and had a really good time.  He seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me, which is weird considering the company I've been keeping lately isn't about all that for sure........  I should be excited right?  Well, I'm not. 

He wanted to hang out again after Thursday and I had a really hard time fitting him into my schedule due to soccer and other mommy duties that I had going on.  Finally we settled on him coming over to watch a movie after I got back into town on Sunday night.  I'll admit, I was cranky about it.  I had been driving back and forth to Cincinnati all weekend and I really just wanted to get something to eat and go to bed, but I kind of wanted to see him again, so i stuck it out.

The plan was that we would come over around 8 and bring me food since I was being lazy and he's a sweet boy.  Like I said, that was the plan.  He didn't show up at my house until a little after 9, which pissed me off more than a little.  He comes in the house holding a Taco Bell bag and hands it to me.  His exact words "Here, I got you a burrito.  I hope you don't mind there are a few bites missing."  WHAT.THE.FUCK?  Who does that shit?  I declined the burrito and after asking me several times if I was sure, he opened it up to eat it and I saw that apparently a few bites means HALF A FUCKING BURRITO.  Ugh, seriously?  Is this guy for real?  I sat there in disbelief as he devoured the rest of the food.

Ok, I'm over it.  Movie time.  We pick one out of my collection and we're laying in my bed watching it.  All the sudden he's right up against me rubbing on my arm.  Umm, ok.....  5 minutes later, he was sleeping.  Then he'd wake up like nothing happened.  This continued through THE ENTIRE MOVIE.  Finally when it was over, he asked if I wanted him to stay.  I wanted to say GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE, but I didn't.  I said I didn't care.  5 minutes later, I have 6 inches of my bed that I can lay on and he's snoring in my ear.  I couldn't take it.  I got up and slept on the couch.  

In the morning, I woke him up and told him he needed to leave.  ALL DAY LONG I get texts from him telling me what a good time he had and that he couldn't wait to hang out again.  Seriously dude?  You're never gonna see me again, besides maybe out on another dude's arm.   Ugh.

Mission failure here people.....  of epic proportions in fact.....

I did have a bright spot in my day yesterday.  I got a phone call telling me I won a contest on the radio station for 4 Muse tickets, limo transportation and dinner.  I thought that was pretty awesome.  The concert is tonight, so expect some bomb ass pictures of me, both my sisters and Tara partying it up :)

Have a great Tuesday everyone!

QUICK! I need some opinions!!

I'll get to the radio station thing in a post later tody, but first, I need opinions with a quickness....


Ok, so I got a friend request a couple of weeks ago from one of Brian's (you know, Mr. Right, who really wasn't...) friends.  I really didn't think much of it other than I'd only met him once.   We have like 20 friends in common, so I was kind of curious as to why I didn't already know him.  I accepted and did the appropriate amount of FB stalking, just to see what was up with him.  He's cute, but not Brian cute.

I frequently post song lyrics that pop into my head on FB.  When I'm drunk it happens more frequently.  Apparently Friday night I posted "I could use somebody" probably thinking Kings of Leon because at the time I posted it everyone I was with was there with a significant other.  That bothers me. 

I really didn't think anything of it and deleted most of my stupid comments from that night, but noticed that I had an inbox message from Jason.  It said "aww babe, everyone could use somebody.  What happened with you and Brian?"  Umm ok, they work together, so I figured Jason probably knew what happened.  Either he was seeing if I was gonna lie or he truly didn't know.  I told him why and he said he wasn't sorry to hear it was over and that he'd been attracted to me from the time we met.  Wow, ok then.  We've been texting over the last couple of days and he wants me to go out with him....

Acceptable or not?  I mean the whole Brian and I thing only lasted like 2 weeks, so it wasn't like long term or anything, but I've never tried to date anyone's friends.  Fuck them?  Yeah sure, I have no conscience when it comes to things like that, but this guy is actually kind of nice and I want to actually get to know him.....

Advice, opinions, people that want to talk shit????  Let's hear it.....