I Hope You Had A Merry/Happy Whatever You Celebrate

You like that?  Kind of politically correct, but not really......  Me?  Well I guess the holiday was ok.  I did manage to get away with not putting out a single Christmas decoration, much to my mother's displeasure.  Apparently since E will be old enough to be excited about Santa Claus I have to put up a tree next year....  We'll just see about that when the time comes I guess. 

What did you get for Christmas?  Well, I got an assortment of clothes that I picked out for my mom to buy me, a waffle maker (lol, I asked for it), more clothes my mother picked out from my kids, a new bed in a bag that I picked out and some random other stuff not as exciting as all the stuff I already knew I was getting.....  Whoop dee fucking do.  This might be the only time of year that I actually miss having an insignificant other.  I mean besides the $100 alarm clock for my birthday, which I believe was the precursor to our divorce, the ex-husband was pretty damn good at gift giving.  Ehh, I guess I'd rather not get gifts than have to deal with bullshit. 

Other than all that, my old stalker, which I don't even remember if we've talked about, brought me homemade salsa, homemade jerky and apparently homegrown pot.  Yes, marijuana.. WTF?  This is the second time he has done this.  I have no idea why he would be under the impression that I get high, but it's whatever I guess....  I think I'll re-gift it to stalker #1, who spends his life high.  I'm sure he would enjoy it.  Speaking of stalker #1, apparently he also has a Christmas gift for me.  I'm not sure why he didn't just bring it to the bar when I saw him on Thursday night.  Then we could have gotten that out of the way and I wouldn't have to see him again.  Apparently I couldn't get that lucky....

How lucky did I get Thursday night? 

Well, see that?  It's a huge fucking bruise.  Sorry it's not a better picture.  It's damn hard to take a decent picture of the side of your head. 

Sandi, the receptionist at my work and one of my favorite people to hang out with, picked me up at my house around 5pm Thursday night.  Our intention was that I was going to accompany her to a Christmas/Birthday party, then she would drop me off at my regular Thursday night spot.  Well, that was all fine and dandy.  We even made an extra stop to see our friend Amber, who I've known since I was like 15.  Hers were probably the first set of fake boobs that I ever saw in real life when she came back to where I was hanging out one time with her nipples pierced and just had to show them to me.  God that was a long time ago.....

We had fun, but soon it was time for me to get back to my side of town.  Sandi dropped me off at the spot and I was perfectly content sitting there by myself for a few.  My plan was to hang out then call my chauffeur to come and get me.  Apparently the planets were misaligned and ready for all hell to break loose. 

I walk in the bar and my friend Chocolate Bear is sitting in my normal spot along the bar.  He has a drink ready for me.  Awesome....  It's 10pm and I'm probably 4 drinks and 3 shots into my night.  Not a bad pace... 

Some other regulars/friends begin to come in and everyone is having a good time.  I have a couple of drinks matched up nicely with a couple of shots.  I turn around to see that Stalker #1 has showed up.  Fucking fabulous.  We exchange pleasantries and I ignore him like usual.  My friends Raven and Lauren walk in and I barely notice because I'm in the middle of not 1, not 2, but 3 amusing text conversations.  Raven and I do a shot and I buy the girls a drink.  Tom, the singer of the band that's there brings me my cd's I asked him for.  He and I do a shot.  Josh walks in.  Fuck.  He had texted me earlier trying to ask where I was and I fucked around with him for a good half an hour before telling him where I was.  Truth be told, he's been trying to see me for like 2 weeks now.  I've been a good girl and stayed away.  My defenses were down though on Thursday night and when he found me, I was having far too much fun toying with the other boys at the bar to give him much consideration.  He didn't like that apparently. 

At one point, I feel someone grab my coat off the back of my chair.  Some strange guy was walking off with my coat and scarf, WTF?  I go after him and confront him.  He isn't liking belligerent Tara.  Actually, he's pissed and not giving me my coat back.  I go to turn around and sic one of the boys on him and he punches me in the back of the head.  By this point, everyone on my side of the bar has seen the scene I'm making.  Three of my friends hop up off their bar stools and the coat stealer receives a beat down, then an escort out of the bar.  I belly back up to the bar and order another drink and shot.  I do the shot, tell the bartender to watch my drink and go to take a phone call outside.  It's Chip.  He's concerned because I stopped texting him.  I tell him what just happened and cry for a minute, because damn, as it sinks in for a minute, I realize, that hurt.  It still hurts today.  That asshole managed to catch me on the back of my ear, all the way down to where your neck meets your skull.  What.the.fuck?  First of all, what kind of douchebag sucker punches a girl?  I didn't lay a hand on that asshole.  All I wanted was MY coat.  Second of all, why the hell did he have to have such bad aim?  Damn it that hurt.

Chip is pissed because in his mind, he should have been there, because this is the week he was supposed to be in town.  I manage to let him know who I'm with (he knows most of them) and he seems slightly relieved that business was handled.  I regain my composure, tell him that I'll call him when I get home and go back into the bar.  Josh has disappeared.  As a matter of fact, Josh stood back and watched the whole thing go down.  Nice.  Way to show me how much you supposedly love me asshole.  Raven and Lauren have also left.  Ok, whatever.  More shots and more drinks are consumed as I try to numb the pain in my head/ear.  I finally get to that point and I'm having fun again.  People start to dwindle and all the sudden it's bar closing time.  I have two choices of how to get home because my chauffeur isn't answering his phone.

Choice one, I get in the car with Stalker #1 and his friend.  His friend is a decent guy and I know that I'll get home ok, but perhaps not without Stalker #1 trying to get in my pants.  Ugh.

Choice two, (the other) Tara's ex-husband, who is going to the neighborhood after he drops the barback off at home.  Not a chance in hell he'll try anything with me.

Of course I picked choice two.  Choice two was not the most wise one.  We ended up getting pulled over on the way to take the barback home.  Ugh.  He's already had like 4 DUI's.  Great.  The barback throws open the door and makes a run for it.  Fucking wonderful.  Me and the ex are grilled about the other guy.  No, I didn't know that he was wanted in Florida.  No, I don't know why he ran.  The ex gets hauled away for another DUI and I'm left without a ride since a.) I don't have a license and b.) they're impounding his car.

For the second time in a month, I'm taxied home by the police.  I can only hope that none of my neighbors are up at 4am to see this bullshit go on.  Actually, it was the same cop who took me home the first time taking me home again.  Ugh.  He was happy to see that I wasn't driving though, so I guess it's a win. 

I get in the house and the chauffeur is laying in bed.  I get an "It's 4am, where the hell have you been?"  to which I replied "Well, if you would answer your fucking phone, perhaps I wouldn't have been taxied home by the police again."   He looks at his phone and sees that he missed several calls from me and apologizes.  I recount the night to him and he's pissed.  I ask why he didn't come out and he tells me he was giving me space.  Great.  The one night I didn't need space and he decides to give it to me.  Ugh, why can't we get on the same wavelength?  I crawl into bed and pass out.  Unfortunately I have to be up at 8am to get E out the door with his dad in the morning....

Guess what else happened this weekend?  Absofuckinglutely nothing.  E left, I decided to bake, went to church, hung out at my mom's, got up at 10:15 the next morning, watched kids open presents, picked up E, went to mom's, watched more present opening, E left, went home, played with the kids new Kinect for Xbox 360, went to bed, spent all day Sunday in bed with the exception of a trip to the store for liquor and cigarettes.....  Told ya, not real interesting.... 

I hope your holiday didn't include a punch in the head, but was more interesting than mine :)  Happy Monday everyone!