Brain Tumors & Jewelry

Back in 2004 or so, my dad was diagnosed with a brain tumor.  He had been having headaches and passing out whenever he ate for quite some time and never let anyone know because he was a "tough guy".  Finally one day they found him unconscious behind his desk at work and he was taken to the hospital. When he woke up he found out he had a tumor roughly the size of a baseball in his brain.  They needed to do surgery immediately. 

My step-monster was actually visiting us in Ohio when she got the call that my dad had been put in the hospital.  She made arrangements to get home as quickly as possible and see what was going on.  The day after she got home she called us and told us that because of where the tumor was and how large it was, they were unsure if my dad would survive the surgery and that if we wanted to say good-bye to him we should come down to Florida immediately.   I had very mixed emotions about what I would actually say to him if it was our last time to see him.  I've written about it before, but needless to say, my dad and I have a spotty past.  He was an alcoholic wife beater who didn't give a shit about his kids.  For whatever reason, that afternoon, my mom purchased me and my sister Melissa plane tickets to Orlando and we were on our way.

We arrived in Orlando and met up with my other sister, Melinda, and got on our way to Ft. Myers.  The three hour car ride was quiet, none of us having much to say about the whole thing.  We arrived in Ft. Myers, met the step-monster and other assorted family members at the hospital.  We saw him and he was acting pretty normal, but you could tell that everyone was on edge.

Over the next couple of days, we were to and from the hospital, while at the same time, trying to enjoy the fact that we were in Florida.  I don't even remember where we were now, but I saw some of the most beautiful beads ever and decided that I wanted to make a bracelet out of them.  It was an attempt to get my mind off the fact that I was supposed to say my good-bye to a man that I hated.  Melissa and I made beautiful bracelets out of those beads in our hotel room that night.  I was in love with the fact that I had created something so nice that I wanted to wear all the time.  For a night I forgot about all the shitty things going on around me.

The next morning we all went to the hospital and took turns saying what needed to be said.  It was my turn and I declined to see him.  There was nothing that I could say to him to make the situation any better and if I said what I really felt and he died, I'd feel guilty about it forever, so I elected to say nothing.  He was rolled into surgery and we left the hospital because it was an extremely complicated procedure that would take most of the day.


The long and the short of it was that he lived.  Melissa felt bad for the shitty things she said to him, though none of us know if he actually remembers the things that she said to him.  He's splitting his time these days between his house with the step-monster and an assisted living facility, depending on his health condition on any given day.  She's a patient woman, but he's mean.  Really mean.  And he keeps having all sorts of medical problems stemming from the surgery and complications with them not getting the whole tumor the first time.  I hear from my half sister updates on his condition every once in awhile and actually picked up the phone when he called on my birthday, but for the most part, it's been years since I've seen or talked to him at any great length.  In my mind, it's what he deserves for the things he put my mom and us though all those years and I'm ok with it.  I don't need to make peace with him.

The jewelry was my saving grace that weekend.  My solace in a situation that I didn't want to deal with.  When I got back home, I started shopping for beads and spending my evenings with everything laid out in my bed, picking and choosing what would make the most interesting necklaces or bracelets.  I didn't drink, I didn't go out and party.  I made jewelry.  I could spend 2 hours on one necklace and be ok with it.  I grew to be the personal jewelry designer for 10 different people.  They bought clothes, I designed the jewelry to go with it.  It was both profitable and satisfying to see my creations worn on some of my best friends, their families and the various others who by only word of mouth sought my work.  I was happy.

All that changed when I got divorced.  I didn't make the time to do the things that made me happy anymore.  No more jewelry making, no more going to the gym, I wasn't even hanging out with my friends like I used to. I was pregnant and miserable.  I stopped drinking while I was pregnant, because let's face it, I've got enough problems, I didn't need a child with fetal alcohol syndrome, but didn't do anything with my time.  I was depressed and living with someone who hated me off and on. 

After I had E, things didn't get any better.  Actually, they got worse because I could drink again.  Over the last 18 months, my life has been pretty much out of control, but you know what?  I'm taking back control.  I was bored last week so I pulled out my case full of beads and laid them all out, sorting them and taking inventory of what I had.

I still have a lot from back then.  Once I posted this picture on Facebook I got several comments and inbox messages from people excited to see everything out and wondered when they could expect to see some new pieces.  For the first time in ages, I knew that I needed to get back to being me.  This is it.  Sunday I made 6 necklaces.  As soon as I got to work and people heard I had them, 4 of them sold right away and I got rid of the other two plus 4 pairs of earrings today. 

I'm not trying to get rich doing this.  In fact, I don't even price this stuff even remotely correctly.  I sell necklaces for $15, bracelets for $7 and earrings for $3 regardless of what they're made with.  I make jewelry because it makes me feel good, not because I'm under some illusion that I'm going to get rich and famous.  It's fulfilling something that's been lost for a long time, something I really needed to get back to.......