It's Friday and I only have about 2 hours left in this place until I'm free for the weekend!! WOOT!
So, there's nothing better than having a bunch of money in your bank account at any given time. Seriously, my whole outlook today is good because I actually have some money left after everything is caught up. Well that and I can hit the liquor store for the BIG bottle of Bacardi Limon on the way home. Maybe a case of Red Bull as well. Then I'm a cheap date at the bar tonight....
Anywho, Tara and I just got back from a deep fried feast at lunch and I'm overly stuffed. That whole sick thing earlier in the week really did a number on my appetite and now I'm pretty much stuffing my face all day long to make up for it. I did lose 5 lbs from all of it, but I'm sure I've eaten enough stuff here in the last two days to make up for it. I mean at lunch I had deep fried mushrooms, mozzarella sticks, grilled chicken "thumbs" (hahaha that's what Rooster's calls their chicken fingers) and curly fries. Top that off with about a gallon of iced tea and ya kinda get how I'm feeling right now.
I booked the airfare for our Vegas trip this morning. I CAN'T WAIT to go. It's been almost two years and that is unheard of for me. I'm a once or twice a year visitor under normal circumstances. The last two years have been anything but normal. Right now I'm letting my host at NYNY fight tooth and nail for me to come back there instead of going for the Monte Carlo. We'll see who wins that battle. I'm not real thrilled with NYNY after the last stay I had there, but if the perks are right, I'll go back. I did get an offer from Aria, over at City Center, and I may just book one night there to see how nice it is in person. I'm not sure yet. All I know is that in 20 days I'll be out there and away from kids, family, work and all the other bullshit for 3 days. Life is indeed good my friends......
In other news, it seems I've lost my camera again. I KNOW I had it on Sunday at the house and haven't used it since, so it's around somewhere. Knowing the way my house works, Gavin probably heard me say something along the lines of "some hoochie's tattooed snatch is on my camera" and stole it to have a look. Let's just add real quick, that I have no problem with tattooed nether-regions, but this chick was indeed a hooch. That picture was indeed taken while my camera was supposed to be sitting on the table last Friday night. There was also a picture of someone's ass & balls. I have great friends....
All the same, I gotta find that thing before tonight. We're going out for April's birthday and being as she gets totally falling down drunk on a regular Friday night, I'm sure she'll be super drunk tonight. We all like pictures of drunks doing stupid shit, so I need to go home after work and find the camera.
It's still pretty up in the air as far as the rest of the weekend is concerned. I think I'm hosting a party Saturday night, but we'll see about all that. I hate having people in my house in the winter because they track all sorts of shit all over the carpet and don't take their fucking shoes off. I mean, I have a kid now crawling, so the floors have to be clean, ya know? Idiots....
Have a good weekend everyone!!
Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Far Behind....
Work is retarded right now. I've spent the better part of my week moving peoples offices, bookshelves, printers and all the other assorted crap people are too lazy to move on their own. The good news is I'm really not feeling the need to go to the gym at all this week because of all this manual labor. I thought I spend 50K on an education so that I wouldn't have to do this kind of shit. Oh well, it makes the days go by super fast!! I like that.
What I don't like is that I'm behind on my blog reading and posting, so I'll be back with y'all shortly. Possibly tomorrow. My mother is taking little Ev tonight for awhile and Kyle is home, but off to his grandmother's funeral, so I'll probably go home from work and do a little catching up with all of you.
On the SUPER GOOD NEWS front, my federal tax return is sitting in my bank account in the pending file, along with my paycheck and quarterly bonus, so I'm gonna be a SUPER RICH bitch tomorrow for a minute. If only it were actually available to spend tonight, I might go have a little fun :) Oh well, I've got a birthday party to attend tomorrow night so money will be spent and still need to catch everyone up on what I found on my camera from last weekend.
Have a good evening everyone!
What I don't like is that I'm behind on my blog reading and posting, so I'll be back with y'all shortly. Possibly tomorrow. My mother is taking little Ev tonight for awhile and Kyle is home, but off to his grandmother's funeral, so I'll probably go home from work and do a little catching up with all of you.
On the SUPER GOOD NEWS front, my federal tax return is sitting in my bank account in the pending file, along with my paycheck and quarterly bonus, so I'm gonna be a SUPER RICH bitch tomorrow for a minute. If only it were actually available to spend tonight, I might go have a little fun :) Oh well, I've got a birthday party to attend tomorrow night so money will be spent and still need to catch everyone up on what I found on my camera from last weekend.
Have a good evening everyone!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Not Smoking Makes Me An Angry Person
It really does. Once again, I haven't quit because I actually want to, I quit just till Friday because I don't have the $$ to buy any. I hate every single person I work with today and though I'm trying to stay in my cubicle and not talk to anyone, they keep coming over here and bothering me. Ugg.....
In other news, I'm getting over what little Ev had last week. Apparently it was some sort of stomach virus that he had, because Sunday night Brandon came in my room saying that he didn't feel well. Not half an hour later he pukes all over, again and again. Not an hour after that Gavin starts. At midnight, I start. Do you know how hard it is to have three people barfing in two bathrooms all night long? Needless to say, there was barf pretty much all over the house and little Ev didn't sleep because there was too much noise with everyone retching their guts out all night. Fun Shit. I wake up yesterday morning to see if Gavin is going to school and he says no, so I go back to bed. Waking up at 10, I remember I have a ton of shit that has to be done at work, so I get Ev dressed and to daycare, then head to work. I manage to get my shit done and head back home to bed around 2:30. I get up at 5 and go get the little one. Gavin seems to be feeling better, but Brandon is still sick. Not puking anymore, but pretty lethargic and just laying around sleeping. I clean up the mess the best I can still having a slightly upset stomach and say that I'll clean all the carpets this weekend. I'm back in bed by 8:30 last night.
Today I wake up feeling pretty much normal, but in an incredibly foul mood. Did you notice that I didn't ask Brandon if he was going to school Monday morning? Yeah, that was the post that I started last week, but then with everyone getting "workforce reduced" had to stop. Brandon is suspended from school for 10 days. Why? Because he had his pocket knife in his jacket pocket and when he put it in his locker, it fell out in front of a teacher. Being as all schools have a zero tolerance policy for weapons and drugs B got in a lot of trouble.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for keeping kids safe at school. I don't want some gun toting kid coming in and shooting up the school. I don't want a crack dealer coming in and selling my kids drugs. This situation is just ridiculous though. I got the call at about 10:00 on Thursday. The assistant principal was very upset while he was telling me what was going on. I had to go down to the school and meet with him, Brandon and the police. FUCK. I get down there to find my already emotionally unstable 13 year old in the assistant principal's office with the police officer. My kid is sobbing. Like the kind of sobs that happen when you're so upset you might just throw up. I try to comfort him and he starts beating his head on the desk. The officer just stared. The assistant principal goes over everything having to do with being suspended, you know, no ski club, no work allowed to go home, no nothing for 10 days and depending on how the expulsion board feels, he might not get let back to school.
The good news is that since it was under a 3" blade, and he's never had any discipline problems, he probably won't get expelled and he probably won't be prosecuted. Whewww.... The bad news is that an already fragile child is totally broken. I had to basically put him on suicide watch for 2 days, not leaving him home alone at all. I think now he realizes that it could have happened to anyone and that it's really not THAT big of a deal. I can't tell you how many guys told me that it's happened to them or their kid. That makes me feel better. It really was an innocent thing. The kid likes to whittle sticks and shit and had it in there from over the weekend. He didn't notice it there until it fell out. Unfortunately him not being able to do any work for 10 days means he'll pretty much fail this grading period. We're working on moving on. He doesn't want to go back to school because we all know how evil kids are. Luckily he's got a few good friends that have worked on squashing all of the rumors that are going around and anyone who's said anything on Facebook has had to deal with me setting the record straight.
What else? I just got an instant message from Kyle. His grandmother passed away this morning. That's a bummer. She was super sick and they've been expecting it for a couple of months now, but that doesn't make it any less hard. He'll be on his way home for a few days as soon as they get to a place they can dock and let him off tonight. As sad as it is, I'm a little happy because I get to spend a little time with him :) I thought him being gone would start to get easier at some point in time. It hasn't.
He told me to plan a mini-vacation for the two of us when he gets home. We're heading to Vegas, which is my favorite place in the entire world. I know, I know, with him being underage and all that takes some of the fun out of it. You're right, it does, but it was the cheapest vacation we could possibly do. Who's going to say no to a vacation that costs only one person's airfare? Monte Carlo is hooking me up with three nights free in a suite, $350 in resort credit and $200 in Freeplay. Sorry NYNY, Monte Carlo's offer was better. I'm all about being loyal to a place that hooks you up, but whatever. My last stay at NYNY was horrific to say the least.
Vacation is what's keeping me going right now. Kyle will get off the boat on the 17th of Feb and on the 18th we will be hopping on a plane. I can't think of a better way to spend a slightly delayed Valentine's Day. Plus, maybe I'll get to check out all the "other" things Vegas has to offer because I won't be spending 12 hours at a blackjack table every day. Degenerate gambler? Why yes I am. Columbus is getting a casino soon and I CAN'T WAIT. Actually, I might try and get a job there part-time. That would be fun!
Anyways, that's about all I've got today. I'm gonna go to lunch. I gotta get out of this place, even if it's only for an hour. These people are just plain stupid....
In the meantime, I'm thinking of blackjacks and jackpots.....
In other news, I'm getting over what little Ev had last week. Apparently it was some sort of stomach virus that he had, because Sunday night Brandon came in my room saying that he didn't feel well. Not half an hour later he pukes all over, again and again. Not an hour after that Gavin starts. At midnight, I start. Do you know how hard it is to have three people barfing in two bathrooms all night long? Needless to say, there was barf pretty much all over the house and little Ev didn't sleep because there was too much noise with everyone retching their guts out all night. Fun Shit. I wake up yesterday morning to see if Gavin is going to school and he says no, so I go back to bed. Waking up at 10, I remember I have a ton of shit that has to be done at work, so I get Ev dressed and to daycare, then head to work. I manage to get my shit done and head back home to bed around 2:30. I get up at 5 and go get the little one. Gavin seems to be feeling better, but Brandon is still sick. Not puking anymore, but pretty lethargic and just laying around sleeping. I clean up the mess the best I can still having a slightly upset stomach and say that I'll clean all the carpets this weekend. I'm back in bed by 8:30 last night.
Today I wake up feeling pretty much normal, but in an incredibly foul mood. Did you notice that I didn't ask Brandon if he was going to school Monday morning? Yeah, that was the post that I started last week, but then with everyone getting "workforce reduced" had to stop. Brandon is suspended from school for 10 days. Why? Because he had his pocket knife in his jacket pocket and when he put it in his locker, it fell out in front of a teacher. Being as all schools have a zero tolerance policy for weapons and drugs B got in a lot of trouble.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for keeping kids safe at school. I don't want some gun toting kid coming in and shooting up the school. I don't want a crack dealer coming in and selling my kids drugs. This situation is just ridiculous though. I got the call at about 10:00 on Thursday. The assistant principal was very upset while he was telling me what was going on. I had to go down to the school and meet with him, Brandon and the police. FUCK. I get down there to find my already emotionally unstable 13 year old in the assistant principal's office with the police officer. My kid is sobbing. Like the kind of sobs that happen when you're so upset you might just throw up. I try to comfort him and he starts beating his head on the desk. The officer just stared. The assistant principal goes over everything having to do with being suspended, you know, no ski club, no work allowed to go home, no nothing for 10 days and depending on how the expulsion board feels, he might not get let back to school.
The good news is that since it was under a 3" blade, and he's never had any discipline problems, he probably won't get expelled and he probably won't be prosecuted. Whewww.... The bad news is that an already fragile child is totally broken. I had to basically put him on suicide watch for 2 days, not leaving him home alone at all. I think now he realizes that it could have happened to anyone and that it's really not THAT big of a deal. I can't tell you how many guys told me that it's happened to them or their kid. That makes me feel better. It really was an innocent thing. The kid likes to whittle sticks and shit and had it in there from over the weekend. He didn't notice it there until it fell out. Unfortunately him not being able to do any work for 10 days means he'll pretty much fail this grading period. We're working on moving on. He doesn't want to go back to school because we all know how evil kids are. Luckily he's got a few good friends that have worked on squashing all of the rumors that are going around and anyone who's said anything on Facebook has had to deal with me setting the record straight.
What else? I just got an instant message from Kyle. His grandmother passed away this morning. That's a bummer. She was super sick and they've been expecting it for a couple of months now, but that doesn't make it any less hard. He'll be on his way home for a few days as soon as they get to a place they can dock and let him off tonight. As sad as it is, I'm a little happy because I get to spend a little time with him :) I thought him being gone would start to get easier at some point in time. It hasn't.
He told me to plan a mini-vacation for the two of us when he gets home. We're heading to Vegas, which is my favorite place in the entire world. I know, I know, with him being underage and all that takes some of the fun out of it. You're right, it does, but it was the cheapest vacation we could possibly do. Who's going to say no to a vacation that costs only one person's airfare? Monte Carlo is hooking me up with three nights free in a suite, $350 in resort credit and $200 in Freeplay. Sorry NYNY, Monte Carlo's offer was better. I'm all about being loyal to a place that hooks you up, but whatever. My last stay at NYNY was horrific to say the least.
Vacation is what's keeping me going right now. Kyle will get off the boat on the 17th of Feb and on the 18th we will be hopping on a plane. I can't think of a better way to spend a slightly delayed Valentine's Day. Plus, maybe I'll get to check out all the "other" things Vegas has to offer because I won't be spending 12 hours at a blackjack table every day. Degenerate gambler? Why yes I am. Columbus is getting a casino soon and I CAN'T WAIT. Actually, I might try and get a job there part-time. That would be fun!
Anyways, that's about all I've got today. I'm gonna go to lunch. I gotta get out of this place, even if it's only for an hour. These people are just plain stupid....
In the meantime, I'm thinking of blackjacks and jackpots.....
Friday, January 22, 2010
I Had A Nice Post For You
So I was in the middle of writing up how fucked up yesterday was and then bad things started to happen around here. Long story short, our workforce is now 6 people lighter and I had to pack up their desks. This is the 2nd time in a year and a half I've had to do this. Needless to say, I'm bummed, but not as bummed as I could be. Last time, some really good people were let go and it upset me horribly. This time it was the people who totally suck. I don't want to say I'm happy they're gone because anytime someone loses a job, particularly two of them who had been here for 9+ years, but at least it was done right this time.
I'll work on a post this weekend about the thing that happened yesterday and how incredibly sucky it was.
Have a great weekend!!
I'll work on a post this weekend about the thing that happened yesterday and how incredibly sucky it was.
Have a great weekend!!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
I Used To Be Fun....
WHAT THE HELL HAS HAPPENED TO ME??? All this fucking drama going on lately. I'm looking back at my posts when I first started blogging, which was only what, 6 months ago? I was much more fun then. But then again, it was summer and everyone is more fun when we're all hanging out in the hood drinking jello shots and dancing on the ghetto stripper pole. I mean, hello? what's not fun about this?
For those of you who haven't gone back far enough in my archives, this is the ghetto stripper pole. Given to me on my 31st birthday by my neighbor, Tim. Yes, it's mounted on a stump in the backyard. That's how we roll. Though it's a great attraction for the ladies, the guys are just as funny on it. Also a great time? The trampoline.
Gay blogger only centers pics when it wants to. This was also taken this summer in my back yard. I moved it to over where the pool went, because we had to take it down, because things like this kept happening....
Poor JoJo, she got launched in the pool like a rag doll. It was hilarious, because it wasn't me. I had the honor of being the first one to jump in the pool this summer. I host an end of the school year party which starts out as a shaving cream fight and cookout for the kids and quickly turns into an adult party later in the evening. Here are some pics from this year's party...
Even the adults participate in the shaving cream fight. Just not me, I'm allergic to the cheap shit that they buy. I serve as the official photographer.
You know you live in the hood when you can burn fires in your front yard with about 30 people sitting around and when the cops drive by, they wave as you cheer them on holding up your beers.
Can I just say, I love my face in this picture. Why do I look shocked Tara is touching my boob? No clue, because I'm never shocked when she does that because it happens frequently... My bug eyes kinda remind me of the Large Marge scene in Pee Wee's Big Adventure.....
Fun things happen in the hood. Right now I can't imagine living anywhere else. Good times indeed. This is what I need right now. I need summer, friends, fires, the pool, the trampoline, all of that. Winter sucks.....
Let's reminisce a little more, because I know y'all love pictures of people doing stupid shit. I give you, Melinda in a box. Not quite as fun as dick in a box, but entertaining none the less....
Yes, she's retarded and she did get stuck....
The drunk flip-off picture that we get at every party. Damn, that's me in the orange, Labor Day weekend 2008. My hair is so short and blond and I have such a nice tan....
My 30th birthday party, which was 80's themed. Everyone was wearing jelly shoes and they were responsible for one broken ankle that night....
My boy tree. If you shake it, one will fall out...
Tracing dead bodies onto the driveway. Look at how freaking dirty my feet are!! I'm not a big fan of shoes, so anytime I can be barefoot, I am.
Taking the boys to Cedar Point to ride shit like this!
Fun with a blowup doll....
One hot boy (this is Jordan by the way)
And of course, plenty of fire.....
Ahh, that makes me feel better.... I need sunny and 70 people!! Not 40 & gray. Ohio fucking sucks. I have no idea why anyone would CHOOSE to move here, but since I'm here and not relocating any time soon, I make the best of it. Now spring and summer need to hurry up and get here, because I think I have that S.A.D., you know Seasonal Affected Disorder or whatever it is being as we haven't seen the sun in weeks now....
Plus, really, it's you guys that are suffering here too. I really lack things to talk about when I'm holed up under my covers keeping warm all weekend.....
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
100 Degrees In A 6 Foot Square Glass Box
I'm BLAH today, so I'll share my Friday with everyone I guess. Maybe that will make me feel better. I was sad to crawl out of my bed this morning, leaving Kyle in it for the last time in the next 29 days. The good news? I didn't cry like a big fucking baby this time..... Stupid boy, getting me all emotional and shit......
Where shall we begin?
Waking up on Friday, I was sick to my stomach. I hadn't seen Jordan since October of 2008. In an hour and a half, I'd be not only seeing him, but getting a sample of his DNA. Fun shit. I managed to shower and get ready without losing any of the alcohol that still hadn't absorbed. Maybe I shouldn't have drank last night.... Too little too late I suppose... Oh well. I take the big kids to school and it's just Ev and me on our way downtown.
While sitting in gridlock traffic, I briefly thank God that I don't work downtown. What a cluster fuck. I couldn't sit in this shit everyday. I find the Child Support office with relative ease. It's not the same building it was in 13 years ago when I last had to come and do this kind of thing. Well, wait, 13 years ago I wasn't doing THIS, I had to come down for a hearing on support payments. Let's not get mixed up, I've never had a DNA issue before this whole mess.....
In the parking garage, I damn near had a panic attack. I get out of the car and smoke a cigarette. Once I feel a little better, I get Ev out of the car, along with all his crap and look for an elevator down. It's 8:05 and I'm late. There is no elevator. I carry a 23 pound kid and all his crap down 4 flights of stairs. By the time I hit the front door of the office, I'm sweating and out of breath. Damn, I need to go back to the gym! I get through the metal detectors and go to check in. I don't see him anywhere. Great....
I go to the front desk and tell the lady, no, I don't have an appointment, you take walk-ins and she asks where the "alleged" father is. As if hearing those magic words, he walks around the corner. His girlfriend has been sitting right behind me the whole time. She's cute, but not quite what I expected. I sit down and fill out paperwork while trying to wrangle Ev into sitting still. He's having none of that. My phone, my PRECIOUS iPhone is the only thing he wants to play with. Damn it. Jordan and the girlfriend are talking and looking at Ev and watching me struggle. Eventually I get through the paperwork and turn it in.
20 minutes later we're called back. WOW, that was quick. After many uncomfortable questions about my sexual activity and EVERY SINGLE OTHER THING YOU COULD POSSIBLY IMAGINE they ask the question that I dreaded.
At this point, I can feel my blood pressure go through the roof. I become very aware how incredibly tiny the room we're in really is. 6' x 6' glass enclosed on two sides, regular walls on the other two. All the sudden I'm sweating. It's hot. Ms. W? Have you ever been married? Yes, yes I have. When? I don't know sir, it's been awhile that I've been divorced now. Ok Ms. W, we need to start at the beginning here. Mr. Jordan, you can go out into the waiting room if you'd like. Jordan leaves. Ok Ms. W. where and when did you get married? Vegas, 2006? 2004? I say that I don't remember because I know where all of this is going. When did you get divorced? Oh, I don't know, 2007? Another blatant lie. Ok, well Ms. W. I'm going to have to go to my other computer and get that paperwork since you didn't bring a copy with you. F-U-C-K.
It's at least 20 minutes before he comes back again and confronts me with my lie. Well, Ms. W. it says here your divorce wasn't final until December of 2008, so you lied about being pregnant in your divorce hearing because you had a baby 4 months later. By Ohio law, any child born within 300 days of a divorce being final is considered the husband's baby, whether it actually is or not. Did you know that Ms. W? No sir, I did not know that (yes I did), he is not my husband's baby though. We weren't even having sexual relations in the three month time span you told me you checked. Ms. W. that doesn't matter. We can't do anything for you or Mr. Jordan until your ex-husband comes down and takes a paternity test. But sir, I don't think you understand, my ex is not going to come down here and take a paternity test. Isn't there any way we can do this without him? Can I get him to sign something saying he acknowledges that it's not his kid? No Ms. W. he HAS TO COME DOWN HERE.
F-U-C-K.....
I begged and pleaded for some way around this. Jordan was asked to come back into the room and was told the problem. He was pissed. Mostly because he knew me and the husband weren't together when all this went down. Jordan was the straw that broke the camel's back in my marriage. Nothing was happening with him at that point, but he was there the night it all went down and understood what was going on. He looked at me and asked if I thought the ex would do it. I said I didn't know. I tried to embellish a bit, hoping for some mercy from the child support guy. I wasn't getting it. We grabbed up all our stuff and the guy told us to come back once I got everything figured out. If it was determined that the husband wouldn't come for a test, they would subpoena him. Jordan asked how long that would take and he said around 90 days, then another 4-8 weeks for the test to come out. Potentially Ev could be well over a year old before Jordan would know for sure. This made Jordan even angrier. He asked what the hell he was supposed to do, just sit around while his kid got older and he wasn't seeing him? The guy gave him a yeah, pretty much. Jordan left the office to go and see his lawyer.
I trudged back to the parking garage, finding an elevator along the way (where were you earlier??) trying to decide what I should do. I get Ev buckled in the car and stand outside smoking, trying to cool off a little bit. I really didn't have a choice. I feel bad for Jordan now. He's losing out on precious time with his son that he'll never get back. 3 cigarettes and a screaming baby later, I'm leaving the parking garage. It's 10:00am. I know what I should do, but I can't make myself make the phone call.
The ex and I are on speaking terms. Hell, I just hung out with him on New Years. He knows about Ev and recognizes that we are in two different places and that's why we didn't work out. Ok buddy, think what you might, but that's not exactly why we couldn't work it out. Whatever. We get along these days and do share the same circle of friends, so we come into contact fairly often.
Halfway back to my side of the city, I call him. The phone rings and rings. Finally he picks up, sounding confused. He's still sleeping. I ask him if he has to work today and he says no. I bust it out. I need for you to do a huge favor for me. If you never talk to me again after this, I will understand. I tell him and he says he'll get in the shower and be on his way in half an hour. Shewwwww, that wasn't so bad now was it? He's not drunk, so he's reasonable. I call Jordan and tell him to stay downtown, we're getting this worked out today. He is shocked, but sounds relieved.
I grab some Wendy's, because I'm starving to death, and turn around to go back downtown. Ev and I hang out in the car for quite awhile before going back inside. He's cutting 6 teeth right now and IS NOT pleasant to be around, so I let him sleep. What the hell is taking so long????? Damn me for not bringing someone with me to mess with him. Eventually the ex messages me that he's on his way. Great. I message Jordan and let him know we're a go. He texts me back and says to let him know once the ex gets there and he'll come in. He's not looking to start trouble. Ok, whatever.
It's noon by the time the ex actually shows up. I have no idea what took him so long and I don't really care. He's being fairly pleasant and making conversation to keep me distracted. I'm annoyed and this 23 pound baby is tired of being held. He wants down. Ugg no. Gross. My arms could quite possibly fall off at this point. I turn around and ex is whistling at some piece of ass that has her ass hanging out as she's bending over outside the door. I laugh, it's Jordan's girlfriend. Nice.... They walk in the door and the tension in the room goes through the roof. I start to sweat again. Damn this clinical strength deodorant for not working. After another hour, we get called back into the 6 x 6 cell. I'm sitting in between the two of them. I'm sweating uncontrollably. We fill out more paperwork. I'm pretty sure I'm going to pass out from a heat stroke or something. We get told to go back to the waiting room. We wait another hour before getting called back into another room like the cell.
Everyone has to get their picture taken. I'm really annoyed now. Each of us has our mouths dug at with 4 swabs. I guess they wanna make sure you don't have to do this again..... Finally it's over. Jordan tells me he'll talk to me later and bolts with a quickness. The ex walks with me to the parking garage, letting me know he called off work today because he was too hungover and depressed to go in. Great. I added to that. I let him know in a round about way that I'm not holding up all that great either to make him feel a little better. I don't know if it did or not, but whatever. He gets off at the 2nd floor and I tell him thanks once again and try to pay for his parking, but he won't let me. I'll see ya around I guess......
It's after 2pm now. Apparently I'm NOT going to make it into work, being as I had to leave at 4 anyway. I call and make arrangements not to come in. No big deal as usual. Ev and I head home. By the time I get there, he's ready for a nap and so am I. As soon as I fall into that nice la-la land, the big kids come home from school. No rest for the wicked I suppose. I try and lay down, but I'm not sleeping. Finally at 4, I get up. I have to get ready to go to the funeral at 5 anyway.
I go to the funeral, which sucked, and was home by 5:30. I didn't go to the dinner thingy afterward. Jordan texted me to thank me for getting everything out of the way. He said that he'd contact me when he got his copy of the results so that he and his girlfriend could discuss their next steps first. They live about a half an hour from me, which is going to create a nightmare for transporting the kid, should he actually follow through and want to see him on a regular basis. I texted him back thanking him for being so understanding about the whole thing. Then I decide a drink or 3 would be my best bet for dinner because my day really fucking sucked. Kyle gets home around 8:30 to find drunk emotional me. I'm passed out by 10 and I'm sure he's thanking me for that........
So, 4-6 weeks from now, we'll get the results. Ev will be close to turning one. I guess we're just in a holding pattern with all of this for now.......
I'll leave you with Ev, who was bored and exhausted with our Friday laying across my lap.....
Where shall we begin?
Waking up on Friday, I was sick to my stomach. I hadn't seen Jordan since October of 2008. In an hour and a half, I'd be not only seeing him, but getting a sample of his DNA. Fun shit. I managed to shower and get ready without losing any of the alcohol that still hadn't absorbed. Maybe I shouldn't have drank last night.... Too little too late I suppose... Oh well. I take the big kids to school and it's just Ev and me on our way downtown.
While sitting in gridlock traffic, I briefly thank God that I don't work downtown. What a cluster fuck. I couldn't sit in this shit everyday. I find the Child Support office with relative ease. It's not the same building it was in 13 years ago when I last had to come and do this kind of thing. Well, wait, 13 years ago I wasn't doing THIS, I had to come down for a hearing on support payments. Let's not get mixed up, I've never had a DNA issue before this whole mess.....
In the parking garage, I damn near had a panic attack. I get out of the car and smoke a cigarette. Once I feel a little better, I get Ev out of the car, along with all his crap and look for an elevator down. It's 8:05 and I'm late. There is no elevator. I carry a 23 pound kid and all his crap down 4 flights of stairs. By the time I hit the front door of the office, I'm sweating and out of breath. Damn, I need to go back to the gym! I get through the metal detectors and go to check in. I don't see him anywhere. Great....
I go to the front desk and tell the lady, no, I don't have an appointment, you take walk-ins and she asks where the "alleged" father is. As if hearing those magic words, he walks around the corner. His girlfriend has been sitting right behind me the whole time. She's cute, but not quite what I expected. I sit down and fill out paperwork while trying to wrangle Ev into sitting still. He's having none of that. My phone, my PRECIOUS iPhone is the only thing he wants to play with. Damn it. Jordan and the girlfriend are talking and looking at Ev and watching me struggle. Eventually I get through the paperwork and turn it in.
20 minutes later we're called back. WOW, that was quick. After many uncomfortable questions about my sexual activity and EVERY SINGLE OTHER THING YOU COULD POSSIBLY IMAGINE they ask the question that I dreaded.
At this point, I can feel my blood pressure go through the roof. I become very aware how incredibly tiny the room we're in really is. 6' x 6' glass enclosed on two sides, regular walls on the other two. All the sudden I'm sweating. It's hot. Ms. W? Have you ever been married? Yes, yes I have. When? I don't know sir, it's been awhile that I've been divorced now. Ok Ms. W, we need to start at the beginning here. Mr. Jordan, you can go out into the waiting room if you'd like. Jordan leaves. Ok Ms. W. where and when did you get married? Vegas, 2006? 2004? I say that I don't remember because I know where all of this is going. When did you get divorced? Oh, I don't know, 2007? Another blatant lie. Ok, well Ms. W. I'm going to have to go to my other computer and get that paperwork since you didn't bring a copy with you. F-U-C-K.
It's at least 20 minutes before he comes back again and confronts me with my lie. Well, Ms. W. it says here your divorce wasn't final until December of 2008, so you lied about being pregnant in your divorce hearing because you had a baby 4 months later. By Ohio law, any child born within 300 days of a divorce being final is considered the husband's baby, whether it actually is or not. Did you know that Ms. W? No sir, I did not know that (yes I did), he is not my husband's baby though. We weren't even having sexual relations in the three month time span you told me you checked. Ms. W. that doesn't matter. We can't do anything for you or Mr. Jordan until your ex-husband comes down and takes a paternity test. But sir, I don't think you understand, my ex is not going to come down here and take a paternity test. Isn't there any way we can do this without him? Can I get him to sign something saying he acknowledges that it's not his kid? No Ms. W. he HAS TO COME DOWN HERE.
F-U-C-K.....
I begged and pleaded for some way around this. Jordan was asked to come back into the room and was told the problem. He was pissed. Mostly because he knew me and the husband weren't together when all this went down. Jordan was the straw that broke the camel's back in my marriage. Nothing was happening with him at that point, but he was there the night it all went down and understood what was going on. He looked at me and asked if I thought the ex would do it. I said I didn't know. I tried to embellish a bit, hoping for some mercy from the child support guy. I wasn't getting it. We grabbed up all our stuff and the guy told us to come back once I got everything figured out. If it was determined that the husband wouldn't come for a test, they would subpoena him. Jordan asked how long that would take and he said around 90 days, then another 4-8 weeks for the test to come out. Potentially Ev could be well over a year old before Jordan would know for sure. This made Jordan even angrier. He asked what the hell he was supposed to do, just sit around while his kid got older and he wasn't seeing him? The guy gave him a yeah, pretty much. Jordan left the office to go and see his lawyer.
I trudged back to the parking garage, finding an elevator along the way (where were you earlier??) trying to decide what I should do. I get Ev buckled in the car and stand outside smoking, trying to cool off a little bit. I really didn't have a choice. I feel bad for Jordan now. He's losing out on precious time with his son that he'll never get back. 3 cigarettes and a screaming baby later, I'm leaving the parking garage. It's 10:00am. I know what I should do, but I can't make myself make the phone call.
The ex and I are on speaking terms. Hell, I just hung out with him on New Years. He knows about Ev and recognizes that we are in two different places and that's why we didn't work out. Ok buddy, think what you might, but that's not exactly why we couldn't work it out. Whatever. We get along these days and do share the same circle of friends, so we come into contact fairly often.
Halfway back to my side of the city, I call him. The phone rings and rings. Finally he picks up, sounding confused. He's still sleeping. I ask him if he has to work today and he says no. I bust it out. I need for you to do a huge favor for me. If you never talk to me again after this, I will understand. I tell him and he says he'll get in the shower and be on his way in half an hour. Shewwwww, that wasn't so bad now was it? He's not drunk, so he's reasonable. I call Jordan and tell him to stay downtown, we're getting this worked out today. He is shocked, but sounds relieved.
I grab some Wendy's, because I'm starving to death, and turn around to go back downtown. Ev and I hang out in the car for quite awhile before going back inside. He's cutting 6 teeth right now and IS NOT pleasant to be around, so I let him sleep. What the hell is taking so long????? Damn me for not bringing someone with me to mess with him. Eventually the ex messages me that he's on his way. Great. I message Jordan and let him know we're a go. He texts me back and says to let him know once the ex gets there and he'll come in. He's not looking to start trouble. Ok, whatever.
It's noon by the time the ex actually shows up. I have no idea what took him so long and I don't really care. He's being fairly pleasant and making conversation to keep me distracted. I'm annoyed and this 23 pound baby is tired of being held. He wants down. Ugg no. Gross. My arms could quite possibly fall off at this point. I turn around and ex is whistling at some piece of ass that has her ass hanging out as she's bending over outside the door. I laugh, it's Jordan's girlfriend. Nice.... They walk in the door and the tension in the room goes through the roof. I start to sweat again. Damn this clinical strength deodorant for not working. After another hour, we get called back into the 6 x 6 cell. I'm sitting in between the two of them. I'm sweating uncontrollably. We fill out more paperwork. I'm pretty sure I'm going to pass out from a heat stroke or something. We get told to go back to the waiting room. We wait another hour before getting called back into another room like the cell.
Everyone has to get their picture taken. I'm really annoyed now. Each of us has our mouths dug at with 4 swabs. I guess they wanna make sure you don't have to do this again..... Finally it's over. Jordan tells me he'll talk to me later and bolts with a quickness. The ex walks with me to the parking garage, letting me know he called off work today because he was too hungover and depressed to go in. Great. I added to that. I let him know in a round about way that I'm not holding up all that great either to make him feel a little better. I don't know if it did or not, but whatever. He gets off at the 2nd floor and I tell him thanks once again and try to pay for his parking, but he won't let me. I'll see ya around I guess......
It's after 2pm now. Apparently I'm NOT going to make it into work, being as I had to leave at 4 anyway. I call and make arrangements not to come in. No big deal as usual. Ev and I head home. By the time I get there, he's ready for a nap and so am I. As soon as I fall into that nice la-la land, the big kids come home from school. No rest for the wicked I suppose. I try and lay down, but I'm not sleeping. Finally at 4, I get up. I have to get ready to go to the funeral at 5 anyway.
I go to the funeral, which sucked, and was home by 5:30. I didn't go to the dinner thingy afterward. Jordan texted me to thank me for getting everything out of the way. He said that he'd contact me when he got his copy of the results so that he and his girlfriend could discuss their next steps first. They live about a half an hour from me, which is going to create a nightmare for transporting the kid, should he actually follow through and want to see him on a regular basis. I texted him back thanking him for being so understanding about the whole thing. Then I decide a drink or 3 would be my best bet for dinner because my day really fucking sucked. Kyle gets home around 8:30 to find drunk emotional me. I'm passed out by 10 and I'm sure he's thanking me for that........
So, 4-6 weeks from now, we'll get the results. Ev will be close to turning one. I guess we're just in a holding pattern with all of this for now.......
I'll leave you with Ev, who was bored and exhausted with our Friday laying across my lap.....
Monday, January 18, 2010
Lots To Say
No time to say it. People have had their foot in my ass all day long. Kyle leaves tomorrow, so I'm trying to get all of my shit done here so I can get home and spend quality time.....
Just so you can wait in desperate anticipation, my weekend included spending 6 hours at the child support office for dna testing on Friday, which was interesting to say the VERY least; going to the movies to see The Lovely Bones and a bunch of laying around doing nothing. I know, you can hardly contain the excitement. I shall return a hot mess of emotion tomorrow.....
In the meantime, Kyle sent me flowers today. Stargazer lilies..... My absolute favorite. All the bitches in the office are jealous....
Just so you can wait in desperate anticipation, my weekend included spending 6 hours at the child support office for dna testing on Friday, which was interesting to say the VERY least; going to the movies to see The Lovely Bones and a bunch of laying around doing nothing. I know, you can hardly contain the excitement. I shall return a hot mess of emotion tomorrow.....
In the meantime, Kyle sent me flowers today. Stargazer lilies..... My absolute favorite. All the bitches in the office are jealous....
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