100 Degrees In A 6 Foot Square Glass Box

I'm BLAH today, so I'll share my Friday with everyone I guess.  Maybe that will make me feel better.  I was sad to crawl out of my bed this morning, leaving Kyle in it for the last time in the next 29 days.  The good news?  I didn't cry like a big fucking baby this time.....  Stupid boy, getting me all emotional and shit......

Where shall we begin?

Waking up on Friday, I was sick to my stomach.  I hadn't seen Jordan since October of 2008.  In an hour and a half, I'd be not only seeing him, but getting a sample of his DNA.  Fun shit.  I managed to shower and get ready without losing any of the alcohol that still hadn't absorbed.  Maybe I shouldn't have drank last night....  Too little too late I suppose...  Oh well.  I take the big kids to school and it's just Ev and me on our way downtown.

While sitting in gridlock traffic, I briefly thank God that I don't work downtown.  What a cluster fuck.  I couldn't sit in this shit everyday.  I find the Child Support office with relative ease.  It's not the same building it was in 13 years ago when I last had to come and do this kind of thing.  Well, wait, 13 years ago I wasn't doing THIS, I had to come down for a hearing on support payments.  Let's not get mixed up, I've never had a DNA issue before this whole mess.....

In the parking garage, I damn near had a panic attack.  I get out of the car and smoke a cigarette.  Once I feel a little better, I get Ev out of the car, along with all his crap and look for an elevator down.  It's 8:05 and I'm late.  There is no elevator.  I carry a 23 pound kid and all his crap down 4 flights of stairs.  By the time I hit the front door of the office, I'm sweating and out of breath.  Damn, I need to go back to the gym!  I get through the metal detectors and go to check in.  I don't see him anywhere.  Great....

I go to the front desk and tell the lady, no, I don't have an appointment, you take walk-ins and she asks where the "alleged" father is.  As if hearing those magic words, he walks around the corner.  His girlfriend has been sitting right behind me the whole time.  She's cute, but not quite what I expected.  I sit down and fill out paperwork while trying to wrangle Ev into sitting still.  He's having none of that.  My phone, my PRECIOUS iPhone is the only thing he wants to play with.  Damn it.  Jordan and the girlfriend are talking and looking at Ev and watching me struggle.  Eventually I get through the paperwork and turn it in.

20 minutes later we're called back. WOW, that was quick.  After many uncomfortable questions about my sexual activity and EVERY SINGLE OTHER THING YOU COULD POSSIBLY IMAGINE they ask the question that I dreaded. 

At this point, I can feel my blood pressure go through the roof.  I become very aware how incredibly tiny the room we're in really is.  6' x 6' glass enclosed on two sides, regular walls on the other two.  All the sudden I'm sweating.  It's hot.  Ms. W?  Have you ever been married?  Yes, yes I have.  When?  I don't know sir, it's been awhile that I've been divorced now.  Ok Ms. W, we need to start at the beginning here.  Mr. Jordan, you can go out into the waiting room if you'd like.  Jordan leaves.  Ok Ms. W. where and when did you get married?  Vegas, 2006?  2004?  I say that I don't remember because I know where all of this is going.  When did you get divorced?  Oh, I don't know, 2007?  Another blatant lie.  Ok, well Ms. W. I'm going to have to go to my other computer and get that paperwork since you didn't bring a copy with you.  F-U-C-K.

It's at least 20 minutes before he comes back again and confronts me with my lie.  Well, Ms. W. it says here your divorce wasn't final until December of 2008, so you lied about being pregnant in your divorce hearing because you had a baby 4 months later.  By Ohio law, any child born within 300 days of a divorce being final is considered the husband's baby, whether it actually is or not.  Did you know that Ms. W?  No sir, I did not know that (yes I did), he is not my husband's baby though.  We weren't even having sexual relations in the three month time span you told me you checked.  Ms. W. that doesn't matter.  We can't do anything for you or Mr. Jordan until your ex-husband comes down and takes a paternity test.  But sir, I don't think you understand, my ex is not going to come down here and take a paternity test.  Isn't there any way we can do this without him?  Can I get him to sign something saying he acknowledges that it's not his kid?  No Ms. W.  he HAS TO COME DOWN HERE.

F-U-C-K.....

I begged and pleaded for some way around this.  Jordan was asked to come back into the room and was told the problem.  He was pissed.  Mostly because he knew me and the husband weren't together when all this went down.  Jordan was the straw that broke the camel's back in my marriage.  Nothing was happening with him at that point, but he was there the night it all went down and understood what was going on.  He looked at me and asked if I thought the ex would do it.  I said I didn't know.  I tried to embellish a bit, hoping for some mercy from the child support guy.  I wasn't getting it.  We grabbed up all our stuff and the guy told us to come back once I got everything figured out.  If it was determined that the husband wouldn't come for a test, they would subpoena him.  Jordan asked how long that would take and he said around 90 days, then another 4-8 weeks for the test to come out.  Potentially Ev could be well over a year old before Jordan would know for sure.  This made Jordan even angrier.  He asked what the hell he was supposed to do, just sit around while his kid got older and he wasn't seeing him?  The guy gave him a yeah, pretty much.  Jordan left the office to go and see his lawyer.

I trudged back to the parking garage, finding an elevator along the way (where were you earlier??) trying to decide what I should do.  I get Ev buckled in the car and stand outside smoking, trying to cool off a little bit.  I really didn't have a choice.  I feel bad for Jordan now.  He's losing out on precious time with his son that he'll never get back.  3 cigarettes and a screaming baby later, I'm leaving the parking garage.  It's 10:00am.  I know what I should do, but I can't make myself make the phone call.

The ex and I are on speaking terms.  Hell, I just hung out with him on New Years.  He knows about Ev and recognizes that we are in two different places and that's why we didn't work out.  Ok buddy, think what you might, but that's not exactly why we couldn't work it out.  Whatever.  We get along these days and do share the same circle of friends, so we come into contact fairly often.

Halfway back to my side of the city, I call him.  The phone rings and rings.  Finally he picks up, sounding confused.  He's still sleeping.  I ask him if he has to work today and he says no.  I bust it out.  I need for you to do a huge favor for me.  If you never talk to me again after this, I will understand.  I tell him and he says he'll get in the shower and be on his way in half an hour.  Shewwwww, that wasn't so bad now was it?  He's not drunk, so he's reasonable.  I call Jordan and tell him to stay downtown, we're getting this worked out today.  He is shocked, but sounds relieved.

I grab some Wendy's, because I'm starving to death, and turn around to go back downtown.  Ev and I hang out in the car for quite awhile before going back inside.  He's cutting 6 teeth right now and IS NOT pleasant to be around, so I let him sleep.  What the hell is taking so long?????  Damn me for not bringing someone with me to mess with him.  Eventually the ex messages me that he's on his way.  Great.  I message Jordan and let him know we're a go.  He texts me back and says to let him know once the ex gets there and he'll come in.  He's not looking to start trouble.  Ok, whatever.

It's noon by the time the ex actually shows up.  I have no idea what took him so long and I don't really care.  He's being fairly pleasant and making conversation to keep me distracted.  I'm annoyed and this 23 pound baby is tired of being held.  He wants down.  Ugg no.  Gross.  My arms could quite possibly fall off at this point.  I turn around and ex is whistling at some piece of ass that has her ass hanging out as she's bending over outside the door.  I laugh, it's Jordan's girlfriend.  Nice....  They walk in the door and the tension in the room goes through the roof.  I start to sweat again.  Damn this clinical strength deodorant for not working.  After another hour, we get called back into the 6 x 6 cell.  I'm sitting in between the two of them.  I'm sweating uncontrollably.  We fill out more paperwork.  I'm pretty sure I'm going to pass out from a heat stroke or something.  We get told to go back to the waiting room.  We wait another hour before getting called back into another room like the cell.

Everyone has to get their picture taken.  I'm really annoyed now.  Each of us has our mouths dug at with 4 swabs.  I guess they wanna make sure you don't have to do this again.....  Finally it's over.  Jordan tells me he'll talk to me later and bolts with a quickness.  The ex walks with me to the parking garage, letting me know he called off work today because he was too hungover and depressed to go in.  Great.  I added to that.  I let him know in a round about way that I'm not holding up all that great either to make him feel a little better.  I don't know if it did or not, but whatever.  He gets off at the 2nd floor and I tell him thanks once again and try to pay for his parking, but he won't let me.  I'll see ya around I guess......

It's after 2pm now.  Apparently I'm NOT going to make it into work, being as I had to leave at 4 anyway.  I call and make arrangements not to come in.  No big deal as usual.  Ev and I head home.  By the time I get there, he's ready for a nap and so am I.  As soon as I fall into that nice la-la land, the big kids come home from school.  No rest for the wicked I suppose.  I try and lay down, but I'm not sleeping.  Finally at 4, I get up.  I have to get ready to go to the funeral at 5 anyway.

I go to the funeral, which sucked, and was home by 5:30.  I didn't go to the dinner thingy afterward.  Jordan texted me to thank me for getting everything out of the way.  He said that he'd contact me when he got his copy of the results so that he and his girlfriend could discuss their next steps first.  They live about a half an hour from me, which is going to create a nightmare for transporting the kid, should he actually follow through and want to see him on a regular basis.   I texted him back thanking him for being so understanding about the whole thing.  Then I decide a drink or 3 would be my best bet for dinner because my day really fucking sucked.  Kyle gets home around 8:30 to find drunk emotional me.  I'm passed out by 10 and I'm sure he's thanking me for that........

So, 4-6 weeks from now, we'll get the results.  Ev will be close to turning one.  I guess we're just in a holding pattern with all of this for now.......

I'll leave you with Ev, who was bored and exhausted with our Friday laying across my lap.....