Ok, so I've re-written this post 3 times now. I can't seem to put into words exactly what I want to write on this topic. As I sit here munching on my 2nd pack of chocolate donuts this morning, i want the words to come out perfectly onto the screen and they're not for some reason.....
Here are 4 questions I'd like for you to answer. I'll give you my answers at the end. I know people are reading this even though I only have 3 followers. Don't be shy, I just want to know how people really feel about this.... And I'm a comment whore, so seeing them makes me oh so happy.
1. Do you struggle with the way you see yourself in the mirror?
2. Are you doing something about it?
3. Has what you've seen in the mirror led to issues with your life?
4. Do you have an "issues" with other people because of your body image?
5. Is there a name for your issue? Ex. Anorexia, OCD, etc. If you don't want to call it out here, I understand, but I'm gonna tell you what Web MD says mine is.
My answers:
1. Yes, every day since I was about 15. Though I was skinny as a rail back then, when I looked in the mirror, all I saw was imperfection. All I still see is imperfection.
2. For years no, more recently I decided I need to be healthier and started going to the gym. Hey, it's free, so I figured why not?
3. Uhh...Yeah, I won't have sex with the lights on for starters... If I don't wanna look at my perceived flaws, I definately don't want you to see them! Plus I find the sight of a penis much too funny to continue on with sex. What else... I divorced my husband for many reasons, one of which was that he didn't take care of himself. How am I supposed ot get over my isses and try to live healthier when he put on 75 lbs after we got married eating 2 big macs every day?
4. If I look in the mirror and see 200lbs even when I weigh 140, you can believe that I see flaws in other people. I used to be extremely judgemental about people and weight/looks, but I've had a few people come into my life that have shown me that not all over weight people are lazy slobs, not all people missing several teeth are meth heads, not all ugly people were beaten with a stick as children.
5. Web MD says I have BDD, Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I'm obsessively stressing over my stomach. It is my major flaw. Actually, if you look up BDD, I think a lot of women would fit into this "disease" on some level. I'm also OCD about some things that I just can't help. No, unlike most of America these days, I am not medicated for either of these conditions.
Here's the thing though. I'm not really willing to change my lifestyle to accommodate living healthier. I mean, yeah, I'm going to the gym 3-4 times a week (when my ribs weren't fractured), but I'm NOT willing to change my eating habits. Damn it, if I want 3 helpings of mashed potatoes, hell yeah, I'm gonna have them. If I wanna have two packs of chocolate donuts for breakfast, I'm gonna eat them. Bottom line is, I don't have time to plan perfect healthy meals for myself and my family. One child alone in my household takes up 6 nights of my week with soccer. My oldest is low maintenance, but then there's the baby who can't be out of view of me in the evenings. It's just not happening. I blame this on my mother by the way.
When we were growing up we did not eat meals at the table as a family. We were a serve yourself kind of household for as far back as I can remember. Before we moved to Ohio my mom worked 3 jobs to support us, so if we wanted to eat, it was up to us to make it happen. I have raised my kids to be independent like this as well. Not simply just because we're busy or I'm lazy, but also because what woman wants a man who has never made toast? Certainly not me and I've met some of them. Damn momma's boys....
I know you're gonna tell me that snacking on carrots and shit is just as easy as picking up the donuts. Well, yes it is, but I want donuts. Plain and simple....
Will I ever be a size 3 like I REALLY want? Well, no. But you know what? Even if I was, I would still look in the mirror and make barfing noises.
EDIT TO ADD:
Something else just popped in my head about me and my body issues, lol. When I was talking with "Brad" as mentioned in a previous post, one of his reasons for not wanting to be with me back in the was that I was too skinny. He said that now that I have some meat on my bones if he wasn't married he'd totally go for me. WTF? Can I get a man perspective here? Too skinny? What the hell does that mean???? Calling Hurricane Mikey who will probably skip over this post because there isn't a picture of my boobs.....
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
1. I definitely have some dissatisfaction when I look in the mirror.
2. Yes, I am starting to work out, which I hate.
3. Self-consciousness is my biggest problem.
4. Not really.
1. Most of the time I'm happy with what I see in the mirror. The mid-section is getting to be a problem, though. And I rarely find my hair acceptable.
2. I exercise pretty regularly, but not like I used to. I spend too much time sitting on my ass writing.
3. Yes. Believe it or not, I go through periods where I feel I look too shitty to go out in public, which makes no sense at all considering that overall I think I'm pretty okay, even good, looking. Fucked up.
4. Not really, but it probably explains why I like some meat on a guy. If he has a gut he can't complain about mine.
5. When I saw a show on Oprah about Body Dismorphic Disorder, I thought holy shit, that's me!
Why are we so fucked up? Huh?
@Linda Lou, yes, we are fucked up and I have no idea why.... When I look at pics of both you and Sarah on your blogs, I see beautiful. Me, not so much, for whatever reason. I wish I woulda seen that Oprah though. Thanks for your honesty ladies!
A Man's Perspective?
Well, men don't look in the mirror the same way women do. Hell, we don't even look at women the same way women do...
Meat on the bones? Yeah, that's a valid perspective. Some girls are just too skinny. Who wants to hump a bag of antlers? But it's always different strokes for different folks. I have a buddy who will only date hot skinny blonde girls with big boobs. Other dudes are 'chubby chasers'. But luckily most guys are ok with a gal who's just good enough looking to turn them on, body type be damned. Beyond that it's just high maintenance and headaches, as far as we're concerned. It's like the old saying goes--show me the hottest girl in the world, and I show you a guy who's tired of putting up with her shiat.
On the other hand, we're wired to ogle attractive women, no matter what. Can't help it, that's what we do.
But when a guy looks in the mirror, it's usually to check that a) his shirt is clean, or b) to look for gray or for the amount of receding that has happened. And I gave in and just started shaving my head 15 years ago, because if I kept it long, I'd have that toilet-seat haircut going, and nobody likes that.
As far as your questions go, I'm a large fella and have always been one, so yeah, that can suck at times. What do I do about it, well, nothing drastic, but over the past several months I've changed a few things--I walk a helluva lot more than I used to. I don't drink Coke anymore, diet only. And I haven't had cookies, candy, or ice cream in god knows how long. I don't even drink that much beer. It's made a small difference--all my pants fall down all the time, I keep having to drill new holes in my belt, and most of my clothes are too big for me now. And a couple of people at work have noticed and asked if I'm losing weight. That's always nice. But no, I'm not going to the gym or anything.
As far as 'issues' go, not so much with me. Guys, for the most part, don't obsess about stuff like that. (We obsess about other things...) I think it's a chick thing, to be perfectly honest.
And PS... I didn't ignore this post, even there are no pictures of your boobs. But boobs make everything better. I'm just sayin'...
@Mikey-That was exactly what I was lookin for. I knew that you'd put it all into perspective, lol.
I've been trying my best to ignore this post since it went up. Figure I might as well get it over with, though.
1) My mood and mindset has a huge impact on what I see - there are days where I'm convinced I don't look half bad. Others... I'm sure I shouldn't be seen in public. There's so many things about my body that I HATE...
2) Not enough. To be honest, nothing. As soon as the chaos that is my life settles down just a bit, I plan on starting, though.
3) I have what they categorize as "other" eating disorders - I don't eat. It's a control thing, in some ways, when I'm down or having issues, I don't deserve to, or don't want to put forth the effort to eat. So it might be 3 days between meals. Which means I have NO metabolism.
4) Ahh... of course. What I see isn't always what others see - so I'm always super insecure, worrying if people are seeing me and thinking the same horrible things I am - so I'm a lot shy-er than I would be. It impacts the way I dress, cause NOBODY wants to see this belly after 2 XL babies. And I don't smile - because I need such extensive dental work, and can't afford it right now.
5) Other (Unclassified) Eating Disorder. Makes me sound confused.
I honestly believe that I'll feel a whole lot better about myself once my teeth are fixed (and I wouldn't turn down a free tummy tuck, either). I know I'll still have issues - but those are my 2 major ones. (LASIK and a boob lift would be next on my list)
Post a Comment