Can I Ask You A Question?

Exactly how much shit is one person supposed to handle before they go absofuckinglutely insane and just totally fly off their rocker?  Because I'm starting to feel like I'm teetering on the edge.....  And don't give me a "God will never give you more than you can handle."  That's not an acceptable answer anymore.....

Yesterday was a giant clusterfuck from the get go.  Tempting fate on a daily basis anymore just to get to and from work, I started my daily commute as usual, kind of in a fog, like most Tuesday mornings where I've only had 3 or 4 hours of sleep.  My car is a piece of shit that I rarely take the time to do any maintenance on.  I pretty much roll 'em till the wheels fall off and buy another piece of shit.  Except for right now, I'm kind of in a weird place because I don't have a driver's license, so theoretically I can't buy a car...  Ugh.  Anyway, I pull into the gas station by work to get a ridiculously large Mt. Dew to jump start the morning.  When I get back in the car I notice that the temperature on the car is all the way up.  Great....  On the day that I have to drive clear to the other side of town to pick up the baby, something stupid like this happens....  Ugh.  I make a couple of phone calls and one of my bar regulars says he'll come up and look at it. 

Once he gets to look at the car, he's pretty grim about the situation.  There's absolutely no coolant in the car.  Oops.  Told you I suck at car maintenance.  He asks when I changed my oil last.  Umm.... No clue.  I haven't been able to drive regularly since November, so I know it was before then.  He doesn't look impressed.  I tell him car maintenance was the only reason I kept the husband around as long as I did....  He puts water in the car and it's running ok, but I'm advised no long trips until I can get it checked out.  Fuck.  Ok then.  How the hell am I going to get E?  I text Jordan on the outside chance he would bring E to me and get no response.  Typical. 

Typical because the only communication that we have anymore is between our lawyers and he's really pushing the limits with the contempt of court shit.  Any time he can fuck me over, he does.  No daycare payments for 3 months now and he hasn't paid child support in two months.  He's trying to financially ruin me so I quit the custody fight.  Think again dickhead, I'll work more and the bills will still get paid.  Yes, I'll feel like shit and not get to spend any time with the kids while all this is going on, but when you end up with every other weekend visitation and $700 a month in child support, I'll sit back and laugh....

After several emails back and forth between attorneys and him lying through his teeth and me defending myself all day long, I'm exhausted.  I mean really, how hard is it to just do what you're supposed to?  It's ok.  I'll just keep having my lawyer file contempt of court charges and eventually the judge will get the point.  Damn I hate that idiot.

Finally, at 4 when I'm getting ready to leave work I text him and tell him I'll be out at some point when I find a ride.  He says ok.  I figure worst case scenario, Brandon is home from work by 7 and he'll take me.  I go out to leave and the car won't start.  Really?  Because I'm already in this super sensitive pms'ing mode right now, of course I cry.  Ugh.  I sit there and try to get my shit together and eventually the car starts. I haul my ass home before anything else bad can happen (hello?  can you say another driving under suspension the way my day was going??).  I get home and the house is a wreck.  I fly off the handle on the big kids because E's new babysitter is supposed to be coming over later and the last thing I need is for her to see that we live like slobs.  After that whole mess I say fuck it and lay down for a nap. 

It's almost 7 when I wake up and there's a text from Jordan asking if I found a ride.  Umm hello?  No dickhead or I would have called you.  Then I shit you not, hell froze over and he offered to bring E home.  Umm, ok then.  Thank you?  I got up and went out to the front of the house and the big kids had gotten everything cleaned up.  Great.  Jordan drops E off a bit later, because, hey, when it's not rush hour, it only takes about 30 minutes to get from his house to mine.  I meet him at the truck because I don't want him coming in the house and making up more lies to the attorneys and he hands me E, glaring at me the entire time.  I notice that the bitch isn't in the car, but her kid is.  Oh, I see how it is, she's not home, so you're actually doing something nice for a change....  Whatever.

I get E inside and not 10 minutes later the babysitter shows up.  She's someone I met through Kyle when we were dating and I know that her and her husband have been trying to get pregnant and can't, so she babysits and takes care of elderly people for extra money.  She lives in the hood, so it's convenient and she will do it for $100 a week, which is more than I was paying, but still doable even without Jordan paying his half of the expense.  She's got friends that are stay at home moms, so E will have other kids to play with and is eager to take him out and about, which I never do, so I guess it all works out.  I'm buying her a season pass to the local water park so they can go there this summer and she even offered to take the big kids with them because they already have their passes.  I thought that was cool of her.

We went through E's daily schedule and she was out the door.  Awesome.  Not 20 minutes later Brandon shows up and we head out for a bit, just to wind down.  We sat at the bar for like 2 hours playing Words With Friends, because I might be a little addicted to it.  If anyone plays, I'm always down for a game and my username is taranwake.  After that we headed home and I actually got some sleep.

That's gets us to this morning.  I got to sleep in a little bit due to an 8am dermatologist appointment.  YAY.  I got the free and clear over the whole eczema thing.  Looks like we finally found something that will keep the skin cooties at bay without sacrificing several layers of my skin.  Woo hoo.  I'm just happy I'm not itching like a crackhead anymore.  Are my allergies still ridiculously bad?  Yes.  They're so bad in fact that I've got a nice battle going on with bronchitis right now and I'm losing.  YAY, ya know?  Get rid of one cootie to get another one.  It doesn't help that Ohio has had 44 consecutive days of rain either.  Yes, it keeps the pollen out of the air,  but it's killing me with all the mold and mildew spores.  Poor little E has a sinus infection, so we're both one big hot mess, which certainly isn't contributing to my mental well being....

It's gotta get better soon, doesn't it?  Sure it does.  I'm about to book a weekend in Vegas when I get paid on Friday.  I don't care who does or doesn't go, I'm going to treat it as my birthday present to myself.  If I don't have any money to gamble, that will suck, but I'll just lay by the pool all day.  All of the Harrah's properties want me there three days free and NYNY and Monte Carlo both want me for two days a piece.  Yeah, I can make that work.....