Weasling Your Way Back In

Wow, two posts in one day.... Aren't y'all lucky?  Not really, I just don't have much to do at work today and a lot on my mind.  I have no clue which one it is, the Prednisone or the Wellbutrin, but I haven't slept more than 3 hours at a time in over a week now.  Something's gotta give.  I'm such a bitch, it's no wonder Josh is always mad at me.  In other news, the Prednisone has done its job and my skin looks fucking great!  Too bad I'm at the weening off stage and it'll all come back here soon.  Oh well. 

So, Nick is back in town and true to his word, he called.  Actually he keeps calling me.  Always polite conversation about how the kids are doing or how I'm doing, nothing too major, until last night.  Apparently he had a really bad day yesterday and needed to say everything he ever wanted to say to me to see how I would react.  I didn't react of course, which took him by surprise.  He knew the old Tara.  The one who had feelings and emotions and acted appropriately toward any given situation.  Current Tara does not act this way.  Actually most times, my reaction is completely inappropriate for any given situation.  Medicated Tara's give a fuck meter is broken.   Sorry about his luck.

So what did I do?  I asked him the same question I've been asking all the long.  What do you want from me?  I get an "I want my family back and will do anything to make that happen."  Well fuck.  I told him the chances of he and I ever being anything again were slim to none.  He seemed ok with that.  He's more worried about the kids all the sudden and being part of their lives.  I calmly told him that there was  no way in hell that I would let the kids spend any time with him outside of maybe a casual meeting somewhere public until he could show me that he had his life together, which he currently doesn't.  He gave me the whole "so it boils down to the fact you want money from me?"  "Yes," I said.  It does.  $54,000 in child support is no joke to me.  That is money that I could have had to make my life easier the last 14 years.  Don't get me wrong, I have never held the kids ransom over this money, it was his choice to stay out of their lives, but I'm tired of doing it all by myself and having him skate through life.

His friends are convinced that I'm setting him up and that as soon as I get him somewhere public with me that the police will come and arrest him.  This isn't the case.  For whatever reason (maybe the medication) I'm not angry about the situation between him and I anymore.  I can see just by talking to him that he has hit rock bottom.  He has nothing, he is nothing.  We were all he ever had and he needs a piece of that to get on with his life at this point.  I'm going to be flexible here and try to work with him and get him where he needs to be, but only under my conditions.  He knows what those conditions are and said that he will abide by the conditions if I come out and meet him one night this weekend in person to talk.  I hold the upper hand here and he knows it.  One false move and I know where he lives and can send the cops to do 30 days in jail.  Truth is though, if he's gonna actually do something for me, he's worth more to me on the street than in jail.

I'm going to meet up with him and see what's going on.  I'll keep y'all posted on what happens......