You're Just Jealous of Me....

***WARNING, I STARTED THIS TWO DAYS AGO PROMISING 4 POSTS IN ONE DAY AND FAILED. I'M GOING TO ATTEMPT TO PICKUP WHERE I LEFT OFF AND IT MAY OR MAY NOT MAKE SENSE***





Cause you, you just can't do what I do, so instead of just admitting it you walk around and say all these really mean things about me, cause your a meany, a meany.

Anyone? Bueller, Bueller?? Have you noticed, with the exception of What the Hell Wednesdays, all of my post titles have been names of songs or lyrics in the month of October? I'll give ya a special prize at the end of the month if you can list them all title and artist. Really, I promise. It'll be fun.

Soooo, I'm in a posting kind of mood today. Y'all saw how my weekend was, it's Tuesday and I'm still sick. It's been weeeeeeeeks now. I'd go to the doctor, but I'm afraid that walking into the office I'd pickup something worse than I've already got. You know some H1N1 or some shit like that.

Let's get on with my random tidbits for the day, shall we?

• Noah posted on his MySpace status that he's moving to Iowa the first of November. I'm wondering if there's a special whore out there or what? I mean, nobody purposely moves to Iowa..... Sorry if I've offended anyone, but really, Iowa? Hopefully he'll not be at his mom's house when I pick up Ev tonight and I can get the scoop from her.
• I went to the gyno for my yearly appointment yesterday. As a chick, nobody enjoys this, even if you've seen no action in a long time, but it was rather pleasant. My doctor had a woman in labor, so I was in and out of there with a quickness. Like seriously, from walking in the door to walking back out I was there for 30 minutes. That's fucking awesome. The medical assistant doing my history was workin quick, running down it like, smoke, drink, sex, seat belt, blah blah blah, to which i answered alot, socially (what a lie), I'd like to be having lots of it, but it's not happening for me right now, and yes, blah blah blah. She stopped and laughed. I mean how are you supposed to answer a question like Do You Have Sex? Well, duh, I have 3 kids, so it's obvious that I've gotten laid at least 3 times unless you really do believe in immaculate conception..... I'd like to be having a lot more of it, but duh, the boy is gone for two more weeks. She found it all pretty amusing, except for the smoking thing....
• I'm making my return to the gym tonight. It's been well over two months. With the cracked ribs, then constantly being sick I just haven't been able to do it. I'm still sick, but I'm hoping I can sweat some of it out of me tonight. I'll either feel better tomorrow or be dead. We'll see.
• I'm dreadfully itchy right now. The change of the season brings on some wicked skin allergies for me. I basically look like I have ringworm all over my arms and legs right now. Yeah, I know, sexy. Try taking nudie pics avoiding photographing my spots. It doesn't really work. The problem is, the doctor has never been able to really get it under control. First they thought it was actually ringworm, then it was a fungus, in which I paid $80 for a little tube of cream that was gone after two applications. Then (this is the best one), they decided they wanted to biopsy a spot. They took what amounted to a hole puncher to my skin and sent it off to a dermatologist. Then I waited 3 months to see the dermatologist. When I got there, I owed them $300 walking in the door from the biopsy that they didn't even do, only to have him tell me the biopsy looked like a wart, but now that he was looking at it, it wasn't warts at all. I went back to the regular doctor and they put me on all sorts of allergy meds, these helped for a little while and only when I was really disciplined about slathering myself in their steroid creams and taking the pills everyday. This doesn't mesh with my schedule.
• Tanning helps the skin cooties, so I decided to go the other day on my way home from work only to find out my tanning place closed... WTF? I just spent like $50 on credits I barely used in July. Now I'm pissed because I don't have the money to really go anywhere else. When things get a little better, I'll probably start going to the tanning booths at the gym since I already have babysitting there, but for the time being, how am I going to look good in my slutty nurse or policewoman costume if I'm pasty white with spots??????
• Tara and I are throwing a Halloween bash down at her house. Parties are better at my house when it's nice because I have a huge deck (heh) but she's got a garage as big as our houses for these sorts of things.
  

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ANYWHO, back to the post it's now Thursday...

• Noah is not going to Iowa for a whore. He finally got a trucking job. He actually talked to me when I picked Ev up Tuesday night. It was weird and awkward. He carried the car seat out to the car for me and we talked for a few. It was little more than cordial conversation like; How are the big kids, How's work, you know, dumb shit. So whatever, I don't exactly know what to think about the whole situation right now. He leaves on Halloween, so I still have two weeks to decide how I feel.
• I did go to the gym Tuesday night. I worked hard and it felt good. Wednesday when I woke up I felt a hundred times better. I even lifted a little bit and my ribs didn't bother me at all. Awesome, I need the gym. I have too much aggression to get out on a daily basis.
• Still itchy and still not going into the doctor's office. Tomorrow I may try my luck seeing if they can call in a prescription for my lotion. We'll see
• Plans for the Halloween bash are coming along well. I can't wait!! We made costumes mandatory and there's a good chance there could be like 60 people there, so it should be a ton of fun. All the hood rats are getting together on Saturday night to go to the costume shop and decide what we're all gonna be. It should be interesting to say the least..... I've already got the shoes I wanna wear picked out, all that's left is the costume....

They're strippertastic (that's the word of the week people!) and I gotta have them, plus they'll make me over 6 feet tall, which I will find totally amusing, but Kyle, not so much. He's got a height complex, lol.

• Brandon leaves for his Washington DC trip tomorrow morning. I'm having some mixed feelings about it. He's sooooo irresponsible, I don't know that he'll be able to survive without me for 3 days. On the other hand, you COULD NOT pay me enough money to be a chaperon on this trip. My God, 95 8th graders on an airplane? I feel super bad for anyone flying out of Columbus to DC at 9:30 tomorrow morning.....
• Oh, speaking of Brandon, yesterday I got an email from his Social Studies teacher telling me that he caught Brandon trying to cheat on a pop quiz. WTF? How, you ask? The kid had his book open on the floor and was turning pages with his foot. Fucking genius right there. That's his dad's part of the gene pool hard at work..... Anyways, no video games or tv until at least this 9 weeks of school is done and I can see how shitty his grades are. He's going back on his meds. Gavin has been doing really well, besides being a total dickhead most of the time, but Brandon pretty much has no control over himself. That was something that the Adderall always helped with him. When he gets back from the trip, he goes back on the meds. They take like 30 days to be constant in your bloodstream and even them out, which means for the next 30 days I'll have a psycho on my hands, but after that, he'll be good to go. And don't comment about how everyone is so convinced all the kids need doped up and blah blah fucking blah. I've already been through all of that and you know what? It's what works best for my family, keep your opinions to yourself.
• And one last thing, Mejis, I think Scott Weiland has been to rehab at least 3 times.... I did see the other day that he's signed on to do a VH1 behind the music. I bet that will be fascinating!
• Oh yeah and one other thing, I recently finished reading the Slash (you know, from Guns n Roses) autobiography. Fascinating as well. The lives of rock stars, I tell ya.... Looking forward to grabbing the Heroin Diaries next.

And now back to your regularly scheduled programming.......

Been There, Done That.....

Well, I'm all out of order today. I gave you the STP review, because it was quite possibly the most interesting thing I had to say about the weekend. We'll do it up quick for the rest of the weekend cause you're going to get four posts out of me today. Like I said earlier, I've got a lot to say.

1:00 Friday-I run like I'm on fire out of work, do banking, pickup Ev, clean out my car, yell at the big kids to pick up the pace and hurry their asses up (they walk home from school), and throw all of their shit in the car. We go back into the house 3 times for forgotten shit.

3:00 and we're off. I had to make what I thought was going to be a quick pit stop at Babies R Us to exchange a mega pack of diapers because E's ass has gotten too big for them. This was not to be. You have to have a receipt for an even exchange. I tell the guy how ABSOLUTELY FUCKING GAY that is, go over to the register, purchase the rest of my shit and carry all my crap back out to the car.

3:50 we hit the freeway.

5:20 rush hour in Akron....Dead stopped for 20 minutes. My mother left 30 minutes behind me and didn't hit this.

7:15 pull into my grandma's house having not killed any children on the way there. Nobody's home. They're all at the rehearsal dinner for the wedding. I immediately take 4 Benedryl because my grandma has a cat and I'm allergic to all things with hair of any kind....

8:30 Mom, Stepdad, Nana & Papa walk in the door. Turns out mom went over and crashed the rehearsal for a free dinner. Nice. I have a bologna sandwich. But it's the good bologna, you know that comes in the log that you have to cut yourself? Normally you have it with some crackers and cheese, I had it stacked 2 inches thick on a bun. That reminds me that it is almost deer gun season. I will have deer bologna soon....YUMMY.....

10:30 My friend from the good old days, Beth sees on my FB that I'm in PA and messages me to see if I wanna go out. I really do, but I'm so freaking tired, I decline. I go to bed (on the couch) because I'm twitching. My body knows it's Friday night and I haven't had a drop of alcohol in about a week... I don't normally drink when I'm over there because it's all back woods that are scary enough at night when you're sober, let alone drunk....

12:15, 1:30, 2:20, 3:15, 4:50, 6:20, 7:30- I shit you not, Ev woke up. He doesn't like to be away from his bed. It's not like he sleeps all night when we're at home, but it's never this bad. At 7:30 my Papa came in and took him from me. At 10:30 I hear him crying again so I get up. My mother has taken the liberty of giving him a bath with Dove soap, because "it's the gentlest".

10:45 E has a rash all over his body from "the gentlest" soap. Fucking great. You can't exactly give him anything.

11:30 I venture to Wally World to get a wedding card. Yeah, I'm a last minute kind of girl. As I'm on my way back my mother calls and bitches me out because Gavin's tennis shoes do not match his outfit. WTF? His shirt is black, grey and white stripes with black pants. His shoes, which are brand new, are black and white. She tells me that she's taking him for some proper shoes. Whatever. They come back with some gay dress shoes that Gavin is none too pleased with.

In this time, my aunt & uncle and their two kids get there. That makes 7 adults and 5 kids getting ready in one bathroom. Fucking great.

Oh yeah and I forgot to mention, I woke up Saturday morning with one eye swollen shut. If I would have slept at all I would have sworn that the cat sat on my face. I looked like someone hit me, fucking great considering pictures were going to be taken all day...

By 2:30 everyone was scrambling to get out the door and to the church.

3:00 wedding started, 3:20 wedding ended. I hate weddings. I used to be the single girl who was like, "Oh how cute, they must really love each other", now I'm the single girl that says "Damn dude, you're straight up fucking up your life by getting married." This was no exception. My cousin married a total bitch. Oh well, to each his own.

4ish - reception at the local Moose lodge. The first $350 in alcohol was free. That's a lot at the Moose. Peeps were getting shitfaced. Not me. We ate ham and potatoes, nothing fancy. We left at 7:30 because G was getting itchy to get outta there. We needed to come home so that he could play soccer on Sunday.

10:45 I pull into my driveway. Ev & Gavin slept the entire way home. Thanks for keeping me company boys. I was singing at the top of my lungs to keep from falling asleep. I lost my house key in my car and wedge my finger in the window while trying to get it up for Gavin to crawl in it. It's still swollen today.

We all pass out, happy to be home.

E is up and down all night again, though not as bad as Friday night. G gets up with him in the morning because I can't even function. God he's a good big brother. I pull myself out of bed at 11:00. By 12:15 we are back on the road. This time to Dayton for soccer. We tie, G has probably his best game yet this season and we arrive back home at 4:30. B stayed in PA an extra day with my parents and gets home around 6. I'm exhausted.....

If you read the STP post, you know the rest.....

I am....DEAD & BLOATED!!!!

Ehh, maybe not dead, most certainly bloated, lol. I know, it's been days since I've posted anything. I have a shit ton of stuff to say, but the fucking idiots that I work with continue to break their computers forcing me to do some work around this hell hole.

Let's use this post to talk about the fun part of my weekend. The gates of the LC (Lifestyles Community Pavilion) opened at 6:30 on Sunday night for the Stone Temple Pilots concert. What was I doing at 6:30 on Sunday night? Cleaning up baby puke. Ev is still fucking sick. I would like to say that it breaks my heart to hear the little guy coughing up a lung and snotting all over the place. It did, maybe for the first three weeks he was sick. Now I'm over it. I'm annoyed. I'm sick too. I can't get better because I can't take care of myself. He hasn't slept more than 2 hours at a time in weeks now. I have some funky weird swollen gland on one side that's making my ear hurt every time I swallow.

Oh wait, we're supposed to be talking about the fun part of my weekend......Riiiiiiight, back to the concert.

So me and Dave are sitting around chillin and I'm battling a do I stay or do I go complex. He's making fun of me as usual asking why I'm being so wishy washy about the whole thing. Perhaps he knows me too well. I'm a black and white kind of girl. It either is or it isn't. There is no grey. Sunday night I was grey. I wanted to go, but I was wrestling with spending the money on the ticket. At 7:30 I get a message from one of my friends. We can get into the LC for free, bring someone. I jumped up, put the baby to bed, made a liquid dinner and started getting ready.

Dave says he's too tired to go. He actually has a job now, so he's a little less fun. Tara wouldn't go because it was 42 degrees when the sun went down. I texted Melinda, who is about as financially strapped as I am right now due to Melissa firing her from the bar. She was already planning on babysitting for me if Tara or Dave were going with me. I told her nevermind on the babysitting, Ev was in bed already (which means Brandon can be responsible enough to plug a bottle into his mouth) and that she was going to the concert.

By 8:15 we were getting out of the car with our 3 layers of clothing on downtown. Damn, it was cold. We meet my friend, who's not really my friend, only merely a way to get into the concert and blow right by security on our way in. Wristbands? Check. Gotta have them to drink there. Here is the first thing we saw when looking for alcohol.

No, not the big booty close up, the hot pink spandex pants and stilletos. Fucking rock and roll! I already had a buzz at this point because my 32oz. road pop was just starting to kick in. Melinda, who was hungover was my DD for the night. For this I bought her a pizza and a water. I bought me a Smirnoff & Sugar Free RB because sadly, they didn't have Bicardi Limon. We head down to the pit because the lawn is packed with all sorts of questionable folks. Like this guy. I mean, besides the cow who provided the leather, some sort of small forest creature died to make his coat.

I'm no furry animal lover, but that's just weird. Anywho, we wiggled ourselves in front of a group of college boys and were all set to go. The opening act had finished and it was time to just wait......and wait.......and wait....... It was 9 freaking thirty five before STP came out. The crowd was getting restless, especially the frat boys behind us. I let it go and didn't junk punch anyone because most of them were cute.

What to say about STP? Well, should they come to your town, GO AND SEE THEM. Even if you just know the songs that they've played on the radio. They played EVERY SINGLE one of them, unlike the Black Crowes, who played nothing that made them famous.

Here's where I have to diverge from the music for a minute. We were close to the stage. So close in fact that you could tell that Scott Weiland wasn't Scott Weiland. Or so I thought. He has always been cracktastic in feather boas and leotards and shit. My sister and I were convinced it wasn't him on stage. I mean, just look at the pic:
Yeah, that's nice and up close & personal. Doesn't look like him, does it?

It was. Man, rehab does a body good..... I may bend my no older guys policy for a shot at him..... The band was phenomenal. Here are some more pics so you can kinda get the effect of the stage show:

Remember, we were outside in 42 degree weather. Retards were moshing, beer was getting spilled and I was a lil unhappy. It was time to push back.... And that we did. Thank God we didn't get pulled over on the way home because I reeked like a beer. Ewwww.

I would have to say, the highlight of the show was when one lucky guy got pulled up on stage and given the bullhorn. We all knew what was about to happen. He put the microphone in front of the bullhorn and yelled.... I AM SMELLIN LIKE A ROSE THAT SOMEBODY GAVE ME ON MY BIRTHDAY DEATHBED! I AMMMMMM SMELLIN LIKE A ROSE THAT SOMEBODY GAVE ME CAUSE I'M DEAD AND BLOATED!!! God I hope that guy's friends got video of that. Simply freaking awesome.
All in all, I'm totally glad that I went. I get so very little time to myself that I really need just a few hours sometimes. Of course not having to pay for the tickets was ultimately what made me decide to go. I think I spent like $15 the whole night, for a drink, water, pizza and parking and was home chillin on my laptop eating a cheeseburger by 11:45 drunk messaging on Facebook. Good times, good times. I'll leave you today with a pic of me and Melinda and our layers. Now that I look at this picture, I'm totally geekin out in it. But check it out, we're decked out in our Steelers and Penn State gear :)

Today Is The...

ok it's not the greatest day I've ever known. I think that's how Smashing Pumpkins put it...

Today sucks ass. Today I am the coworker that wants to kick your ass and has no qualms about telling you that.

I need a new job. One that requires no interaction with other people, because, damn it, they're all just stupid. Whoever told me that computers was a good field to get into can SUCK IT. Dealing with people who don't know anything about a computer and ARE NOT willing to follow simple instructions suck. This sign is posted on my cubicle... HELLO, where are my matches and some lighter fluid today????

Mayyybeeee, if these people would get a grip I could post what I really wanted to post this week.....

That is all. You may now return to bigger and better things...

Happy Hump Day...Randomness 10/7

I've decided I'm going to dedicate Wednesdays to all the junk floating around in my head. If you don't like it, oh well, I'm not here to please anyone....

• In the forefront of my mind today..... I haven't had a cigarette in 12 hours now. Not because I decided I wanted to quit, but because putting gas in my car to get to work was deemed more important than smoking. Had it been choosing lunch or smoking, I would have chosen smoking. Sorry Linda Lou, I'm not quite there yet...
• There's a good possibility I could kill a coworker or two today. Smoking allows me to have more patience with these idiots....
• Poor Little Ev. I had to take him to urgent care on Monday night. No, he doesn't have swine flu like the rest of the country, though we'll probably get it from sitting in that waiting room with all those people and their fucking filthy kids. Ev's got bronchitis. Tough for a guy only 6 months old :( He was cleared to go back to daycare because he's not contageous, but I had to go pick him up yesterday in the middle of the day because he had a fever. Hello??? The kid has had a fever for 3 weeks now!! Anyways, we got home, got doped up and napped the rest of the day. Thank God for baby Motrin.
• Speaking of fucking filthy kids. If your kid is sick & you have him at the doctor's office, they gave you a mask for a reason, use it. Also, if your kid is that sick, they really shouldn't be running around touching everything and coughing on people. Fucking nasty. When I got home Monday night I wanted to get into the shower and scrub myself with a wire brush and bleach. I settled for just a hot shower.....
• A humidifier and vapor-rub rock. I love that smell.....
• I'm really hoping Melissa will come through with Stone Temple Pilots tickets for this Sunday. I REALLY wanna go, but if I'm gonna make it to Vegas for New Years, I can't be spending money on dumb shit.
• Lol, my mom just told me she went to a "wine tasting" event with my sister last night and got drunk. Wow, that must have taken alot of those cups......
• I think I'm going to have to break down and turn on the furnace tonight. It's like 45 degrees right now and I'm freezing. The problem is, the damn kids get home from school like 3 hours before I get off work and do dumb shit like open up windows and doors, so I'll be contributing to global warming by letting all my heat out of the house while at the same time accumulating a $200 gas bill....
• I have to go back to Pennsylvania this weekend. Yeah, this makes 3 months in a row that I've been over there. Add that together with Thanksgiving and Christmas and I'll have been there more this half of the year than the last two years combined.
• It's a fucking hillbilly wedding this weekend. You know, the kind with the reception at the local fire station? Good shit. Too bad I can't drink with the rest of the hillbillys. I have to be back in Columbus Saturday night to prepare for driving to Dayton for soccer on Sunday afternoon.
• Why is soccer always scheduled on a weekend when I have to drive over there??? Oh yeah, that's right, soccer is my life...... Last weekend Gavin didn't have a game and about went batshit crazy on me. Like I almost needed to break out some bed restraints because he was twitchy and kicking a ball all over my house.
• Apparently Brandon missed his orthodontist appointment this morning. They just called. FUCK. How'd I miss that? It's not even on my calendar. My calendar is my life.... Oh well, we'll just go tomorrow morning, that gives me an excuse to go into work late.
• I'm two payments behind on the orthodontist.... Hope they'll take a payment for Friday....
• Oh yeah, just because I like pictures, here's one below that I took while we vacationed at Universal Studios a couple of years ago. Feel free to rip off if you think it's as funny as I did.

I think that's about it for now. I'm currently having a hair crisis, so I'll probably post something about that here a little later. I need some opinions on what I should do with that...

Happy Hump Day Peeps!

It's Just Another Manic Monday

Although I certainly don't wish it were Sunday. Yesterday I was the epitome of worthless... Felt like shit, I'm all beat up and I pretty much didn't move off the couch all day.

We'll skip talking about Friday night. We had a bonfire and were all worthless from the night before, so we pretty much called it a night at like 10:30. BORING, but I needed sleep. I'm still not over this cold shit I got a couple of weeks ago and everyone in the hood is getting swine flu. I wanted to keep my distance.

I won't lie, I layed in bed until like 11 on Saturday. I think I was starting to get bed sores from laying there so long. But I never get to sleep in on the weekends, so after getting up and down with Ev, at like 6:30, I went back to bed and he didn't make a peep until almost 11:30. That right there is some good shit. I talked to Kyle for awhile and then remembered Tara was supposed to be picking me up at noon so I decided I should motivate and shower and stuff. Then I called Tara and she said we weren't going to decorate until 4:30. Lol, whatever, I was up for the day.

Sure I was... I was all ready to go out and get a haircut, but then I remembered I didn't have a car, so I pretty much laid around on the couch all day watching football and sleeping some more. Tara came at 4:30, we went and decorated and by 5:15 I was back on the couch. My neighbor came down to checkout my cold air blowing furnace around 6 and of course it blew hot air when he was there. WTF, I hate when that happens. What I hate worse than that is that I'm going to have to turn the furnace on here soon. It's getting cold at night. Where the hell did fall go?

He and I stood around outside and bullshitted for awhile. Ev started to cry, so I went back in the house and found that he had scooted himself halfway across the room almost to the front door. I guess he just wanted to be outside like everyone else! By 8 I decided I should probably start getting ready to go, so Ev and I went in. Damn it was getting cold!

Tara had pledged to do the Leukemia and Lymphoma walk with her ex sister-in-law, who is in remission from Hodgekins Lymphoma on Saturday. She did not know until this week that it was a night walk. This foiled our plan to be at the birthday party when they actually said SURPRISE! Oh well. By the time we got there it was almost 10 and the people who had gotten there early were about done for the night. I had worked myself into a nice buzz getting ready, so I was ready to party at this point. We made our rounds and basically the whole hood was there. Good shit.

I honestly don't know where the wheels came off. Ok, maybe I do. I need to NOT EVER DO SHOTS. I think I had probably 5 different ones over the course of the night. If I just stick with my normal drinks, I can usually last all night. Not Saturday night. Here are some pics of the fun:

This is Lauren, I haven't seen her....well, since high school. She's one of my sister's friends. They were both at a wedding down the street. Mikey, here's your boob shot for the night. So nice you can see right down my shirt.....

Apparently I thought this shot sucked. This is approximately the time I started to forget what happened..... Maybe someone slipped in a roofie hoping to get lucky....

Here's me & Tara. I have no idea what the hell she was looking at......

This is me boob grabbin Tabby who is Nicole's friend, Nicole and Melinda. As you can see, I found a hat somewhere and Melinda's face is still fucked up from falling on it several weeks ago. I have no recollection of this picture being taken but there were several of them, each more lewd than the one before it....

I've been told that a fight broke out at the bar. None of us was involved, but apparently that incident was the determining factor in our leaving the bar. Apparently on our way out, I did this:


Yeah, I'm rubbing my ass on a police car and I sure look hot doing it! Whatever, I don't remember that either. I got separated from my group apparently because I had 20 missed calls from Tara on my phone around the time we left. I have no idea how I got home, but I know I didn't drive because I have no car....

When I got home, I vaguely remember that there was a party going on in my front yard and there were like 50 people there with a fire blazing and all. I laid down on the couch and that pretty much was the last of me. I woke up the next morning sandwiched in my bed between Dave and his friend Ben. Thank God all of us had our clothes on.....
I got up feeling like I had been beaten. I still feel like that today. Whatever happened, I've got bruises in the weirdest spots and my arm looks like this:

Seriously, I know it probably doesn't look that bad, but it hurts like hell! No clue what happened and nobody I was with seems to know either. There's one on the other arm too that looks like I tried to slit my wrist the proper way, you know, up and down....

I heard that I was the life of the party up at the bar. Really? I'm a great party hostess and all, but I'm never the life of the party. I also may have rode in Dave's truck bed standing up from Tara's house to mine. Not sure about all that, but it could explain why I have bruises all over. I also woke up missing my ID, bank card and camera. After much back and forth texing with Tara, who was just as bad off as me that night, her man finally recalled he'd seen me in Dave's truck. I called him and he eventually located them. Jeez. I hate being shitfaced like that. It'll probably take me until mid-week to recover from this whole thing....

Happy Monday Everyone!

It's The Freakin Weekend.....

baby I'm about to have me some fun.... Yeah, I'm not so much an R. Kelly fan, with his whole peeing on people and molesting teenage girls, but the song is appropriate for a Friday post and I'm all about appropriateness. Ha, yeah fucking right. I'm probably about one of the most inappropriate people you'll ever meet. It makes life interesting, what can I say?

So, what was supposed to be an innocent jewelry party at my house last night quickly turned into a late night drunk-fest. God it felt good. I haven't had a drink in like..... ok, well 2 days, but whatever, that's beside the point.... I sold a shitload of jewelry which is $$ for me. Good shit. Anyways, after the last of the bitches left, Tara and I walked down the street to Joel's house to chill on his swing. One drink turned into like 4 and before I know it, all the usual suspects are there. Once the old guys decide it's bedtime, the young ones head down to my house to sit around and drink some more. It's me, Tara, her man, Dave and his friend Ben.

At this point I gotta say something. We all know that Dave is in love with me. I've told you guys that he says that shit all the time to me and has no bones about saying it pretty much in front of anyone who's around. Funny thing is, Kyle is his best friend and while Kyle was home, I didn't see Dave more than 5 times the whole month. Now that Kyle has left again, Dave has blown up my phone every day this week. WTF? Kyle says that Dave "likes lickin on other people's ice cream cones", which is funny because Dave is a fat kid. But I just don't get it. I would NEVER even attempt to go after one of my friends conquests. That's just bad news all around. Plus Dave is soooo not my type that even if I wasn't doing whatever it is I'm doing with Kyle he still wouldn't have a chance. I don't know, it was all a lil retarded. Even later Dave, who was absolutely wasted, started telling me all these things about Kyle that Kyle would probably would be really embarrassed that I now know. It's a whole weird situation I guess.......

So anywho, we're up till after two this morning, Tara and I being the only ones who have to be at work at 8am... I was ok to get up, she was still drunk when her alarm went off. I suppose that's what happens 12 beers later. I'm sitting here at work today, being utterly worthless. Not because I'm hungover, I don't get hangovers unless I mix my booze and let's face it, I'm too poor to do that right now. I just don't feel like doing anything. I'm sure glad I have this job with no deadlines or important tasks most days. I did just spend 3 hours on the phone with one of our "technically challenged" salespeople though. I really wanted to stab a pencil through my eye so that perhaps I could just put myself out of my misery....

As for the weekend? Well, I have no car until Monday. Tell me, how the fuck in this day and age, can you not have a part for a fucking Chrysler in a metropolis as large as Columbus? Yeah, my shit has to be shipped in from Minneapolis. This blows my ass.... I guess I'll just ride my bike wherever I need to go. And yes, I'm well aware of the fact you can get a DUI on a bike.....

Tonight we're having a big bonfire at my house since it's cold as fuck here and the rain has finally moved out. I'm sure the ghetto stripper pole and/or the trampoline will be involved somehow. Tomorrow night is a friend's surprise 40th birthday party at the local watering hole, so it'll be outta control as usual.

Mikey, I'll try to get ya some boobie pics at the party since I haven't featured any nice racks in awhile. Other than that, that's all I've got right now folks. We'll just have to see how it all pans out, but in the meantime, I gotta get outta here and sneak a nap if I'm gonna be worth a shit tonight....

Have a GREAT weekend everyone!