I Can't Even Give You A Real Title For This Randomness

Teetering on the edge of full blown manic today.  I really need to go to the doctor and be evaluated I think.  Although, some days I like feeling like this.  Some days are fucking great.  I'm the most productive person that you could possibly know.  Medication would only sedate me and make me not fun anymore......  Ugh, whatever.

Hmmm, so what's been going on with me?  Well, lots I suppose.  I don't know.  The kids went back to school last week.  One's a freshman and the other in 8th grade and I've got Little E "riding on the backs of the little kids like they're horses" at daycare.  Hey, their words, not mine......

What else?  Oh shit, that's right, check it out.  My beloved Kyle, whom I spent 9 months of my life with, told me Friday night when I ran into him that he got his new girlfriend knocked up.  He's finishing out the next two months on his job then coming back here to live.  Umm, really?  We didn't work out because of the 28 on/28 off thing and now you're moving back?  WTF?  Oh well.  I tried out a new bar on Friday night with Nicole and it turns out the same old people from the rest of the bars in town were there.  Kyle, Dave and assorted others greeted us as we walked in.  Damn, I was hoping to run into Blue Eyes because that's one of his spots and ran into all them.  Awkward for sure......  The only thing that this particular place had going for it was that they have an awesome covered bar with HUGE tv's for all my sports needs.  I may go back.  Who knows....

Gav's 13th birthday was yesterday.  What did the kid want?  A new pair of cleats, a cheap mp3 player and a new sweatsuit.   God I love that kid for being the most simple, yet complex kid I've ever met.  He also spent all day annoying the living shit out of me because he knew I wouldn't say anything since it was his birthday.  Ugh...  Luckily we spent most of the day at the soccer fields sweating our asses off, so I only had to listen to it on the way there and back.

I guess that's about it, nothing too exciting.  I went out both Friday and Saturday night, but that's not something I really want to talk about because it was a FAIL of epic proportions.  Let's just say Friday night after Kyle dropped that bomb, Josh texted me, then totally fucked around with me and Saturday night, I'm not really sure what happened......

Have a good week peeps.  I think I have some party pics on my camera if I can locate it from the weekend....

Texas, I'm Calling Y'all Out.....

From time to time I like to look at my Statcounter summary to see if anyone is actually reading the shit that I put on here.  Turns out, people are, even if you're not commenting on anything these days.  It's ok, I still love all of you.  Hell, as depressing as I've been lately, I wouldn't read me.  I'm really trying to change all that, but it's a little difficult in the frame of mind I have right now.

Anywho, back to Statcounter.  Since I just use the free version, it gives me detailed information on the last 500 hits I've had.  That's a little over a week's worth of data based on your current viewing habits.  Dear God Texas, do y'all do anything at work?  I mean, hello?  Pot, meet kettle....  Yeah, I don't really do anything here either, but I think it's a little high that about 75% of my readers are logging in somewhere in Texas.   Weird. 

A big HELLO to other cities showing up this time around:
Itasca, Illinois
Greensboro, North Carolina
St. Francisville, Louisiana
Brooklyn, New York
Ridgefield, New Jersey
Phoenix, Arizona
Savage, Minnesota
Boston, Massachusetts
Reading, Pennsylvania
 Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania (WHAT UP STEELER NATION???? We sucked last night....)
Omaha, Nebraska
Dundee, Illinois
Wesley Chapel, Florida
Fond Du Lac, Wisconsin

Interesting fact, besides Pittsburgh and Phoenix, I've never been to any of these places.  I'm not even sure where most of them are.  Time to open up Google Earth and check it out.

If anyone wants to claim themselves, shoot me an email or a comment, so I can properly label your stalking habits.  Really, it's not creepy.  I'm obsessive compulsive about labeling for whatever reason....

I've got other stuff to talk about, but I'll post all that separately here soon.

Boys.......

I'd like to write about what's right in my life right now.  Unfortunately I'm stuck in Debbie Downer mode as much fun as I've been having and all....

The other Tara is convinced that I need a boyfriend.  Like I said before, I'm not disagreeing with this statement.  The problem?  I'm not seeing anyone right now that I would even consider to be "long-term" material.  Let's talk about my choices right this minute.

I've got three of them totally up in my shit.

Donovan - we've discussed previously.  Besides just generally not being my type, he's got this massive amount of facial hair that I would be unable to even deal with.  Yuck.  He does get points for effort Sunday night for actually going to the liquor store, buying what I'd drink and smelling good when he came over.  Other negatives?  Well, he's just weird.  I can't really explain it.  Some of the shit he says is just strange.  Oh, and he gets high just to function in the morning.....

Doug - Apparently I met him at the STP concert when he was hanging out with my friend Wendy.  I remember seeing Wendy, but I don't remember meeting him.  He friended me on Facebook on Thursday asking me out. Umm, again, not my type and at 43, too old.  He's kinda being stalkerish, so I'll probably cut him loose from my friends list & block him any day now.  He's all like "Do you like the water?  I've got a ski boat and a house on the lake and blah, blah, blah."  All I'm hearing is the blah, blah, blah, here because I really do look for at least somewhat of a physical attraction right off the bat and if I don't remember meeting him, obviously there wasn't one.

Chad - came out of nowhere.  I thought he had the hots for Nicole, but turns out it's me.  My bad for being friendly to him when we're at the bar he works at.  Yesterday the other Tara posted that she was searching for a boyfriend for me, which generated a bunch of comments and even more mail to my Facebook inbox.  Chad wrote me the following message:

Are u really looking or not cause i would be honored to be yours.. You are beautiful, funny & from what i can tell a great young woman.. Ohh not to mention we r compatible very much so & like i said last night i am a one woman man i want the commitment.. Hope you are having an amazing day & it was fun seeing u last night Ms. Tara 

to which I replied:

Aww, you're so sweet :) Really, my life is such a mess right now that I wouldn't ever drag anyone into it. Hopefully it settles down at some point and I can get back to being me, which is not the Tara you see at the bar all drunk and retarded... Someday I'll have a somewhat normal life, lol! Good seeing you last night. I'm sure I'll be around again soon :) 

and received this back:

Hey i feel ya hun.. Maybe you could use someone in your life that could be a shoulder to lean on & talk to about life.. As a scorpio we are people who care deeply & want to help others without expectations & i can tell u r a good person & mother you just need some positive reinforcement.. I can honestly tell by how u act that your world is chaos cause going out every night & getting messed up is cause u want to avoid whats in front of you.. See i want to get to know u outside of the bar cause i know without a doubt that you are an amazing, intelligent & wonderful woman & mother. I dont know whats going on in your life or the friends you have but i would be honored to find out & be there for you.. Its my nature to help others.. Come on we are both water signs & so compatible not just relationship but in friendship also.. Hope to hang soon away from bar & get to know each other on a different level.. Ttyl & have faith all will be great for you soon.. Xoxoxo 

I still haven't replied.  When I look at this, I see a dude who is more in tune with his feminine side than I am.  I see WEAK, WEAK, WEAK, PLEASE STOMP ALL OVER ME!!!  I can't help it......  I'm not saying that I like guys to beat me up or any of that stupid stuff, my my God dude, this is not gonna get you in my pants.....  Not that it sounds like he's trying to get there anyways.....

Ugh, yeah, those are the three trying the hardest.  The three that I'd like to try a little harder?

Blue Eyes - Of course.  He was at my house while I was at work today because he was working down the street and saw a fire in the hood.  He was on lunch he decided to check it out and it turns out the house a couple down from mine was on fire.  He called me from my kitchen because apparently we're close enough that he can walk up in my house when I'm not there....  Why can't I come home to find him in my bed?  I haven't seen this boy in well over a week and his texts are sporadic.  Here we are again, boy all up in my shit for weeks, then backs off with no explanation other than he's got alot going on right now.  Umm, ok, well you could talk to me about all the other stuff, why not any of this?  Ugh...

Tattoo Guy - Come on Mike, hook a girl up.  It's obvious from him asking about me at the party he's still somewhat interested.  I just screwed that one up briefly by being a little too needy there for a minute.....  I'm better now, I promise.....  I suppose I could take the first step and text him since his number is still in my phone, but it would just be easier if Mike would tell him I'm interested.  You know, kinda like middle school stuff.....

The third one......  Well I guess there isn't one right now.  I met some pretty kick ass guys last week at the concerts, so if one of them would call and want to go out or something I'd totally be down for it.  We'll see what happens with all that.

There are several others that are just sort of hovering in the dreaded "friend zone".  They're around, but I'm not sure if they're even worth putting any time into.  I know, I know, most good relationships start out with friends, blah, blah, blah......  God, I need to get out to some different places or something.  Everyone is starting to look and act the same. 

Maybe I just need to go home and hop in the cold ass shower and reevaluate my priorities.......

I'm Pretty Much Out Of Control

I'm doing it again.... Somebody has pushed the button and I'm in full self destruct mode. Not that this hasn't been coming for like the last two months or anything, but now it's getting to be a problem.  This is what happens to single Tara when she doesn't have anyone to ground her.  Yeah, sure, when I have a boyfriend I still do retarded shit, but at least there are usually consequences for my actions.  Right now the only consequences are that I feel like shit nearly every day.  Oh and I don't have hot water because I neglected to pay the gas bill.  Hello cold showers!  Ugh.  I'm really having a great time with all of it, but let's face it, I'm going nowhere fast acting like this.

This weekend was a prime example.  Friday night I had plans to meet up with my girl Sandi downtown and go to the Foreigner concert, thanks to her free ticket hookup, Rob.  I didn't work Friday, but pissed around getting the house cleaned up and doing assorted other crap around the house.  After my mid-day nap, I was ready to party and headed down to the Arena District to meet up with everyone at A&R Music Bar.  This is our hangout spot because it overlooks the entrance to the concert venue and the people watching is priceless.  Sitting in traffic on the way down there, seeing as how it was rush hour, I managed to consume an entire 32 oz. road pop.  Sandi, knowing I have no spare money at this point in time buys me a drink and introduces me to all of her friends.  We spend the next two hours people watching and seeing how much alcohol we cold possibly consume.  One of Rob's friends, Gary, is kinda cute and we start talking.  Wow, he's actually smart and can hold a conversation.  Amazing, considering some of the dudes I've met lately can't even string together a 5 word sentence.  The opening band is done, so we make our way into the venue to find a spot.  I'm pissed because there is a no camera rule in effect.  Not quite sure why, but whatever.  That's why we all have camera phones, right?  The quality of the iPhone 3Gs leaves much to be desired, but since my current camera kinda sucks, no big deal. Here's what I have, including some interesting people watching.  We were down in the pit close to the stage, but I may have had too much of a buzz to do to much picture taking....

There were waaaaay too many guys without shirts on...  You know, the kind that need to wear shirts, not the HOT kind....

I don't even know what to say about these three pictures.....

Or this guy.  I still don't get the whole "Let's stretch my earlobe out until it won't stretch anymore.  What the hell is this going to look like when this guy is 60? Yuck.....

And finally, pictures of the band.

We really did have a good time.  Foreigner was awesome and played all their hits, as well as some from their upcoming release.  After the concert was over, we decided to go up to my sister's bar since that's in Sandi's area and I didn't have to be home at all because all the kids were gone.  I figured worst case, I'd stay at her house.

Not that the concert wasn't a shit show, but once we got up to the bar things got even more stupid.  I think I only managed to have one drink because I was done for the night.  Gary, the guy from earlier and I sat outside talking, though I can't even remember what we talked about.  At one point my dude Matt, who I've came thisclose to hooking up with, but couldn't seal the deal, shows up and I wander off to talk to him.  Gary decides it's time for him to go home and so does Sandi.   Clearly I'm on the hunt and not ready to leave yet.  Another two shots and two drinks later (thanks so much Matt) and I might as well be on the floor.  I was down for whatever.  Out of nowhere comes "Bob", well, we'll call him that anyway.  Bob works at the bar and is not really my type but he's hot.  Curious, you remember Bob, he was the one in the plaid hat that night we were up there :)  I believe you took pictures of him.  Somehow he woos me out of the bar.  I know this is not a good scene because if my sister found out I was fucking the help we'd have a problem.  My judgment is obviously not great at this point in the night and I go home with him.  Apparently I sent Sandi a drunk text at 4am telling her that's where I was in case my body ended up in the river or something like that. 

I have no clue what time I got home.  Maybe slightly before the sun came up?  I woke up at noon feeling like I was hit by a freight train.  Ouch.  I laid in bed all day.  At one point in the evening I got up and showered and got ready to go out.  While I was waiting for a text or call to make the decision on where we were going, I fell asleep and didn't get up until 10:30 Sunday morning.  Ugh, I guess I needed that sleep.  I was fairly productive on Sunday, stripping border off the kids walls because instead of Sports and Space, we've grown into UFC & semi-naked chicks on the walls.   I suppose their dad would be proud.....

Donovan, whom I believe I've spoken of before, wanted to hang out Sunday night.  He just doesn't seem to get the fact I'm not interested in him.  Perhaps if he'd stop getting me drunk and I'd stop sticking my tongue down his throat, we'd be a little more clear on our relationship boundaries.  I hadn't seen him in awhile and he offered to buy, so I said I'd hang out.  I knew I had to pick up Nicole at some point from work, so I'd have an out.  Of course Nicole didn't want to go home after work because now that my sister is living with her she hates being at home. So Donovan and I went and picked her up and we went to check out the Sunday bar scene.  Two places had nobody there, so we stopped at the VIP because for whatever reason, the parking lot was packed.

Things went downhill in a hurry here.  I took Donovan home because he decided he was done for the night and just as I was getting back Nicole was buying shots because the guy she's been chasing after was there.  So was his best friend, who I'd like to be getting with at some point....  Eventually we closed down the bar and decided to head out to a place known as "the farm" for a bonfire and more drinking.  I'm not even going to go into detail about the shit that goes on out there, but let's just say Nicole's chase ended and I woke up Monday morning with strange bruises all over, late for work and still probably able to blow over the legal limit had I gotten pulled over on the way to work.

Monday at work sucked.  I did as little as humanly possible to get through the day and then went home.  I was hoping for a nice relaxing evening since I have to go pick Little E up tonight, but that was not to be had.  The big kids and grandma had plans to go school shopping and I was drug along with them.  Ugh, shopping with teenage boys....  We left the house around 4:30 and didn't get home till almost 8 by the time we got haircuts, clothes, supplies and ate dinner.  Blue Eyes was supposed to come over and hang out but never texted me.  No big deal.  I was too tired to be good company anyway.  I got the big kids squared away and laid down to watch some tv, passing out somewhere in the middle of Las Vegas Jailhouse and not waking up until my alarm went off this morning.

I still feel like crap unfortunately.  I've been battling bronchitis or something equally shitty for like two weeks now and just can't seem to shake it.  I'm busy with kids the rest of the week, so I doubt I'll be doing anything good, but Saturday night there are several parties that I will be attending, so I need to rest up......

STP 2010

Last night's concert was nothing short of awesome.  Just like the show last October Stone Temple Pilots brought more energy and just really rocked the place out.  Cage the Elephant opened for them and they were great too.  Their lead singer was all over the place and sounded just as good live as they do on the radio.  I went in without huge expectations and was pleasantly surprised to say the least.  I ended up taking Tara and Mike's son, Mychael with me.  I wasn't real happy about taking a minor to a concert, but turns out, he made an excellent designated driver.

Cage The Elephant

 Me, my neighbor Casey and his friend David.  Obviously I was wasted at this point....

 The other Tara who was wasted before we even got there.  I guess this is what happens when your significant other never lets you out of the house......

Some boy Tara was totally hitting on

Me and little Mychael.  

This is Dexter.  Kind of cute and like 6'5" which is always a plus.  I totally got the digits on this one....

Shitty wasted for sure.....

Like I said a couple of posts ago, I really need to invest in a new camera.  I had over a hundred pics and none of them I would call great.  All in all though I had a great time.  After the concert was over I dropped Tara and Mychael off and headed out to meet a friend from high school who's in town for the week.  People tell me I haven't changed a bit since back then.  Besides the fact I weigh more than 120lbs soaking wet I really haven't.  Isaac hasn't either.  He's just as hot as I remember him in high school.  Thank you Facebook for hooking me up with this hot boy.  We had a great time catching up and I wish he lived closer than Nebraska because he's super fun to hang out with. 

Right this minute I'm at work wishing I hadn't partied as hard as I did last night.  I don't feel too bad for as late as I was out, but damn, I'm getting too old for all that shit........

Happy Hump Day peeps :)

Fast Forwarding Life

Honestly I don't know where time is going.  Days go by with a quickness.  I can't keep track of anything that's going on these days.  Nicole keeps telling me that I'm on a path of self destruction.  Admittedly, I am.  I'm not sure why, but I'm just not happy with life right now so I'm doing everything I can to avoid dealing with it.  The partying has gotten out of control again.  I can't tell you the last day I didn't have a drink.  Staying numb is good for me right now.....

Last Thursday Blue Eyes got rid of the girlfriend he didn't want problem.  Turns out while he was at work, she got into his safe and stole a bunch of money and his gun.  When he realized it had happened, she was long gone, leaving her phone at the house so he couldn't get a hold of her.  He called me, a total wreck about the whole thing.  Obviously since the gun was registered in his name, he had to report it stolen.  I did my best to diffuse the situation over the phone and he told me he'd call me back after he talked to the police.  When she came back to the house, she found him and his dad throwing her stuff out to the curb.  She threatened to call the police and he said go ahead that he needed to report his gun stolen anyway.  She acted like she had no idea what he was talking about and called the police anyway.  Since where they live isn't technically in the city, the sheriff showed up.  Actually 7 of them did.  She spouted off all sorts of lies and thank God his dad was there to take control of the situation.  Eventually she took off, leaving her car at the house for fear she would get busted driving without a license.  It's still sitting in the driveway to this day, which is good because the car is in his name.

I went over there on Saturday night to hang out with him because he didn't want to go out.  I really didn't want to considering the crazy bitch could possibly have a gun in her possession, but I wanted to see him, so I did it anyway.  We laid around on the couch watching tv and talking.  It surprises me how intelligent he is.  I'm used to being around guys who are intellectually retarded, so it was nice for a change.  He talked until the sun came up and I listened.  I feel like a lot of stuff was cleared out of the way by just me and him hanging out well within his comfort zone.  I'm still not sure where what we have is going, but I'm ok where we are right now, despite this whole no sex thing.  Yeah, it's been a month that we've been talking now and I've seen zero action.  Not that I haven't been trying, but it's been more than obvious that his mind has been elsewhere with everything going on.  We had plans to hang out Sunday night, but he called and was puking while talking on the phone.  Hotness.......  Yesterday I texted him checking in because I hadn't heard from him and he was still sick.  Yuck, that sucks...  Hopefully I'll get to see him over the weekend, but I'm kinda busy.  Who knows... I guess I'm just going with the flow for now.........

Unfortunately for the both of us, he's also on a self destruction path right now too.  Things are looking up for him and all the drama that's been surrounding his life, but he's unhappy in the same way I am right now.  It sucks.  Sometimes I don't hear from him for days, then he resurfaces like he was never gone and we're good. I'm not sure how to take that because for the first time in my life, I'm playing the needy girl card.  Physically, mentally and emotionally I need somebody there right now if for nothing more than a warm body to curl up to at night.  He can't give me that right now, so I'm left wondering if any of this is worth it.  I mean, at any given time I've got 5 boys that want to be with me and would have no problem filling the needs that I have right now.  I'm hooked on this one like crack, but at the same time I have no problem hanging out with other people.  It's all just weird right now I guess........

Oh Shiznit.....

I totally spaced on the fact I was telling you a story and stopped mid-way through it....  My bad.  Maybe I need to get off this bender I've been on lately.  Self destruction is my friend right now.  More on all that later.  Back to a couple of weekends ago....

Saturday Josh and I didn't do a whole lot besides sleep most of the day away.  I took him home to shower and get ready for his aunt & uncle's party since he wasn't real sure where his car or his keys were from the night before.  We made a couple of quick stops and were over at the party around 3.  I didn't want to get there too early because that meant he'd start drinking earlier and would be passed out before dark.

As we pulled into the court where they live I see the mobile tattoo shop is there.  Shit, I forgot about that.  As I step out of the car I see him.....  It's Tattoo Guy and HOT DAMN does he look good.  If you are new around here you can catch up on that drama here, here, here, here and finally here.  If you want the Cliff Notes version of it, we met through the other Tara's Mike, had HOT HOT HOT Valentine's Day sex, he didn't know I had a boyfriend, I ended up dumping said boyfriend for him, he blew me off several times and I was all "On To The Next One" with him.  He and I had awesome chemistry that I haven't had with a guy in a long time, but the whole thing was just retarded.  There ya go, on with the story....

Freaking great, I'm stuck with the family drunk all day and have to look all day at an amazing dude that I would totally get with in a heartbeat.  Such is my luck I suppose.....  I had told myself that I wasn't starting to drink until at least after dark.  That way I wouldn't be shitty wasted like everyone else.  Instead Josh drank directly from his bottle of American Honey and proceeded to chase me around trying to get me to eat all the food that was around.  He has a thing for fat girls apparently because I was told no less than 20 times that I need to gain at least 10 lbs.  What the fuck ever dude....  I finally escaped him when he found the tattoo art table and was looking for what he wanted to get done.

Just then, Blue Eyes called.  He wanted to invite me to a cookout over at his mom & dads house.  Shit.  I'd totally rather be spending time with him and not here with Mr. Drunk and Tattoo Guy, who I assumed still had a girlfriend because that's what Tara had told me a couple of weeks ago.  I told him that I'd try to stop by later, but no promises.  He was ok with that since he's blown me off several times.  I go back to watch some tattoos and am miserable.  It's so freaking boring.  I really wanted to get my tattoo, but didn't have the money, so I just had to settle on watching everyone else get one.  Oh well.  I catch Tattoo Guy checking me out several times, but he makes no move to speak to me.

An 11 year old is crying because his parents won't let him get a tattoo.  Two hours later they give in and he is the envy of all the other kids at the party.  All the adults are horrified that a parent would let that be done.  The kid thinks he's a badass after the fact, but all I'm wondering is what's that Chinese symbol going to look like when he's finally done growing?  I continue to just chill and take everything in.  Josh is getting absolutely shitfaced with his mom and dad.  I get introduced, but doubt they'll remember me in the morning.  No big deal, I'm not a keeper anyway.  My stomach starts to hurt from all the food I've eaten.  I need to go home and puke in the comfort of my own toilet.  Luckily I'm just in the neighborhood across the street.

Finally around 10 I had enough and jetted.  Josh was totally ignoring me by this time.  Whatever, I had another boy that was all about hanging out with me.  I told everyone goodbye and headed over to Blue Eye's parents house still not feeling great, but happy to be away from that drunk ass.

Blue Eyes and his friends kept me entertained all night.  So much that I actually fell asleep there early in the morning and didn't end up waking up until like 10am the next day.  I like being curled up with him.  Something about it feels right....

Sunday was pretty low key from so much partying over the weekend.  At one point Blue Eyes came over and we pretty much lounged around in bed all day catching up on dvr stuff & sleeping.  Later in the day we decided we wanted to cook out and went and got some food.  I was surprised when he paid for everything we bought at the store, cooked all the meat and cleaned up afterward.  Tara, Mike and Nicole came down and we ate well.  I took the tv out onto the deck and we ate and watched both baseball and football.  Life is good.  Mike might have had too much to drink and told me that Tattoo Guy was single again and wondered if I was invited to the party to hang out with him.  Unlucky for me, Mike told him that I was there with Josh and that's why he didn't try and talk to me.  Damn it, cockblocked by Mike and drunk ass Josh.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.  But at least now I know he's single again and was interested in hanging out, had I not have been with dumb ass......  I might text him and see where it goes a little later......

Once again, sorry no pics, again, this is when I didn't realize that my camera wasn't actually saving the pictures I was taking.