A Big Pile Of Crap Post

I had a whole post almost finished yesterday about emotions and how they get in the way of life.  I deleted it this morning.  Mostly because once I went back and re-read it, it didn't sound the way I wanted it to.  When I write things that are emotionally charged, such as that post, I'll often just save it and go back and see if I really feel that way the next day.  If I still do, I'll post it or send it to the intended person, if not, then it gets deleted or saved for later.  Sometimes when I go back and read it I realize that it just didn't come out right.  That was the case yesterday.  By mistake, I've posted a couple of things that I shouldn't have, then went back the next day and deleted.  Hopefully none of you read those things.  If you did, you didn't comment on them and I thank you for that.

The truth is, I'm feeling random today.  I've got alot of mixed emotions running around in my mind right now.  I don't know if I'm happy or sad or just somewhere in the middle not feeling anything.  So, you get what you get here today and I'm sorry I couldn't come up with something better.  Friday we'll talk about holiday traditions from the question of the week.

So tomorrow is Thanksgiving, traditionally one of my favorite holidays, just because of the gluttony involved.  Here's my list of things I'm thankful for.  I'm thankful for my kids, because they keep me grounded and remind me of what's important.  I'm also thankful for the roof over my head even if it's killing me financially, most of my friends and this blog.  I say this blog because it has given me an outlet where I previously didn't have one.  I've made some new online friends that make me laugh and I am grateful for that right now.  Those of you who have blogs of your own, I'm grateful that you write things that inspire me, make me laugh and sometimes make me cry.  It just goes to show that really, we're all fucked up somehow and it's never as bad as it could be.  Nobody's perfect and now I see that even more than I ever have.

I'm cooking my first turkey tomorrow.  I'm 31 and feel like this is something I should have conquered before.  Truth is, I can't remember a Thanksgiving that wasn't spent at my grandma's house.  This will be the first.  Why?  Because every year it gets more and more drama filled there.  Me, my mom, my aunt and my grandma do all the cooking for about 30 family members, none of which bring anything, help prepare or help clean up.  Inevitably, someone is pregnant, getting a divorce, in an inter-family spat or something of this nature that makes the whole thing even more stressful.  My grandparents aren't old, I think my grandma's like 66 and my grandpa 69, but it's a financial burden to them to have to provide for all of us both at Thanksgiving and Christmas each year.  In addition, my sister, Melissa and her family can't go due to some things going on at the bar and Melinda has moved to one of the Carolinas to get ready for her man to get home from Iraq.  My stepdad has to work the day after Thanksgiving, so my mom isn't going.  It only made sense that being as I didn't really have the money to go that I didn't either.  I'm relieved in one sense and disappointed in another.  This is tradition and we're the ones breaking it.....

What else?  Oh yeah, that other tradition we have with me, my mom, my aunt and my grandma getting up at the ass crack of dawn to go out with the mobs of hillbilly idiots in rural Pennsylvania on Friday will also be broken.  Even when I don't have the money to shop, I still go and play bag girl for everyone.  Then I would go back to the house, nap and come back home to avoid making a 4 hour car ride 8 hours when everyone else is coming home later in the weekend. 

Don't get me wrong, laying around all day watching football and not having a care in the world sounds like a perfect day for me.  I'll be dropping Ev off at his grandma's around 3 so he can have dinner with him, so after that will be really relaxing.  Truth be told though, I'm incapable of relaxing.  When I'm home, unless I've had a severe lack of sleep or am hungover, there are things to be done.  Ev has pretty much been sleeping through the night for the last week, so I'm actually getting some sleep.  Well, I was, until last night.  Kyle left yesterday morning and I just don't do well sleeping alone anymore.  There was a time where my California King was slept on diagonally and I was pissed when the husband started sleeping over because then I had to make room for him.  Now it just doesn't seem right unless someone is on the other side.  I'll get over it in a few days, but it still sucks.

I had something else I wanted to talk about, but right now I forget what it is..... I was looking forward to a nice boring day at work, but instead I came in to find that one of the hard drives on a manager's computer blew out somehow, so now I'm stuck formatting a new computer for her.  That requires much thinking and I'm sure I'll forget something because I'm not in the right frame of mind to be doing this crap today.  I wanted to take the day off like I usually do, but I took yesterday morning off to hang out in bed extra long and say bye to K.  Next time, I'll spare myself all the emotion that was involved in all that and come into work on time while he's still sleeping.  I swear, I don't know what it is with that boy, but I'm hooked...... for now......  He doesn't get back until Christmas Eve, but I have plenty to occupy me in the meantime.

If I don't post again today, everyone have a great Thanksgiving and I'll probably catch up on everything Friday.  Who knows, as of right now, I have no plans at all for the weekend, but I'm sure that will change....

Happy Turkey Day from me & my turkeys!