When I get to work on Friday I decide that I need to message Kyle back. I knew that he was drunk when he wrote it, but I wanted to make sure he knew I was sober when I replied. This is what I sent back to him:
It's not that there can't be anything between us, it's that I don't want to be the one to hold you back. I love you Kyle & you're the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. I wish that I wasn't so fucked up & could make it work because the 9 months that I was with you were great. I just need something more than you can give me right now....
Truly, that's how I feel about the whole situation. I mean, look how cute we were together!! I realize what I got rid of and if he didn't have the retarded job he does and could be around and give me the attention that I need, I would still be with him. Back to less depressing shit.
Friday night we all decided we were having a fire in the hood to save money. Ok, well it sounded good when we decided on it. I came home from work at 5:30 and promptly fell asleep. I needed it after two late nights. At 9 Tara texted me and asked where the hell I was. Oops. Be down in a minute. I log into Facebook and Kyle instant messages me asking me what I was doing that night. I told him fire in the hood and that he should stop by. He doesn't make any promises but says he might. I get cleaned up, make a drink and head two doors down to April's house.
There are about 15 people in April's front yard and everyone is hanging out, drinking some beer and we've got the music cranked. Good times. Kyle ends up showing up and strategically stays away from me all evening, preferring to stand off to the side with Dave and the rest of the younger boys talking about trucks and motorcycles. Eventually there are so many people there I volunteer to go down to my house and get more chairs. I need another drink anyway. I go in to use the bathroom and when I come back out Kyle is standing in my bedroom giving me the look. The poor sad puppy look that I'm a sucker for. I kiss him. God, I miss him. Eventually I pull away and we take the chairs down the street. For the rest of the evening he's right by my side just like he has been for the last year.
The evening wears on and I'm pretty much shitfaced by 11:30 or so. Josh starts texting me because he's down the street partying. FUCK. I really wanted to just hang out with Kyle, but Josh sends me on a super huge guilt trip. What the hell am I supposed to do now? I'm not Josh's girlfriend, he's made that perfectly clear (unless he's drunk), but I'm still in a weird place with Kyle too. I have a total meltdown and Tara is nowhere to be found. I start walking down the street looking for her and eventually find her and Dave taking a mechanical wheelchair for a spin down the street. Kyle has followed me, but I grab Tara off the wheelchair and get her into my house. The meltdown continues. Tara manages to get me calmed down and eventually I make it back outside to see that Kyle has left. FUCK. That's not what I wanted to happen. I text him and we go back and forth about why he shouldn't have come over. He says he's coming back, I tell him no. I can't get back into all that with him.
Everyone is getting ready to go home, so I grab my stuff and head back to the house. Dave, being the good friend that he is, walks me home and sits talking to me for hours. He understands me. Josh finally stumbles in the backdoor around 3:30. We get into an argument, as usual, which ended in some slight domestic violence by two drunk people. Eventually both of us pass out and when we wake up in the morning all is forgotten for now. We have breakfast and since he can't remember how he got to my house, I take him back to his truck.
I spend the rest of the afternoon at soccer and getting the house cleaned up, eventually taking a nap because I have big plans on Saturday night and I just really wasn't feeling it.....
When I get up I get dressed and ready to go. Tonight I'm hanging out with my friend Mike, who I just reconnected with on Facebook. You all know from this post what happens in the end with this guy. A bunch of coworkers, Tara & her Mike and others are up at my sister's bar to hear a band that is supposedly great that they brought in from Chicago. The band doesn't disappoint. The company I'm with does. He's fucking weird, which I already went into detail on. Eventually I'm drug away from him by one of my coworkers who is apparently drunk and wants to make-out like high school kids. AWESOME.
Me being retarded
Tara & our coworker Sandi
Who keeps taking pics of asses on my phone???
Some pole dancing drunk girls
I manage to escape the coworker at some point and find Sandi, who wants to introduce me to someone. Damn he's hot. His pickup line? "I saw you talking to Sandi from across the room and thought you were beautiful. I needed to come meet you." Oh yeah, just what I need, another boy talking all sweet to me. Damn, he's cute though, and young.... We talk for a minute and he asks if I'm going back to Sandi's house to hang out after the bar closes. Uhh... I WANT to, but I can't. I have to take Mike home. He tells me ok then, asks for my number and says he'll talk to me soon. Hmm, ok then. Sandi gives me a wink and we go to pay our bar tab.
To Be Continued.....
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