So I Didn't Kill Him & This Is Why

So, I didn't kill the kid.  I did however, reduce him to a pile of crying mush.  Yeah, that's the loving, nurturing mother in me.  It took him 3 hours to write a paper that I didn't red line the entire thing.  He'll still be receiving a zero for the project, and a D in the class for interim.  I currently have an extra desktop computer, 25" tv, Wii console, like 30 games, a surround sound system and a  cable box.  Yeah, my kids are spoiled.  It's not my doing though.  Of those things I mentioned above the only thing I paid for, or I should say pay for, is the cable box.  That's only because I prefer everyone in the house not fight over what's on the tv.  All the other stuff came from my parents, most second hand.  You know, rich people pawning off items that have been replaced with something bigger and better.  I don't care, but it kinda sucked to rip all that stuff out of the room.  The Xbox 360 will be going into Gavin's room, instead of the living room and if Gavin sees Brandon doing anything he's not supposed to be he'll be in just as much trouble.

The grounding?  Indefinite.  I was too angry last night to set a time frame, mostly because I probably would have said forever.  I don't wanna be the parent who has the kid that spent most of their years from 13-17 unable to do anything.  I was that kid.  My mother pointed that out to me last night.  I was the kid who didn't wanna put in the effort toward anything and just thought I could get by.

Specifically, one year when the sisters and I tried out for cheerleading.  They practiced every day all day long.  They were obnoxious.  I learned the cheers, went into tryouts, and didn't make the team.  They did.  I was heartbroken. 

In school, I was below average.  It wasn't that I wasn't smart.  I was.  I just didn't want to do the work.  I did the minimum I could to pass and keep my mother off of my ass.  Until I went to college and was paying $425 a credit hour, I didn't give a shit.  Once it was my money coming out of my pocket, I cared a little more.  After my first year of college, I was a Dean's List student.  I missed out on graduating with honors because of that first year.

It wasn't that I wasn't working hard during that first year, but I was struggling to manage a newborn, a one year old and a job being a single parent at 19.  I went to college on a bet with Tara.  She bet me that if I started, I wouldn't finish.  We started together and after the first year, she dropped out.  Me, being the ultra competitive person I am, wanted to quit, but didn't.  It took me 4 1/2 years to get my degree, but damn it, I got it.

Sometimes people ask me how I did it.  I don't know what to say.  For me it wasn't a matter of doing it or not.  Quitting wasn't an option in my mind.  I had started something and needed to finish it.  When I did, it was one of the most satisfying things that I've ever done.

I have reasons for pushing my kids the way I do.  I want them to be good people, productive citizens, get great jobs and have good lives.  I don't want them to turn out like their fathers.  So for now, I just keep pushing.  One day, they'll thank me for being such a bitch......